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Do you think these steps make sense? It's about putting your marriage first.

childlessSM's picture

Submitted by childlessSM on Wed, 02/06/2013 - 10:54am

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Bio Child Free Zone

I just wrote a post about things my husband and I do to put our marriage first. I'm curious to know what works for you! Thanks in advance for reading and sharing your thoughts.

http://bit.ly/UztyVN

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 02/06/2013 - 12:04pm

That is my BF and I to a T!!!! I am SOOO thankful to have a BF that puts me and our relationship FIRST and would NEVER let/allow skid/bm to ruin it or come between us in ANY WAY!!!! Smile

Slender bright's picture

Submitted by Slender bright on Wed, 02/06/2013 - 6:23pm

I really respect your outline and I just want to address point number 3... how about how skids feel about your presence. would you consider being absent if the skids were uncomfortable ???

dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Wed, 02/06/2013 - 11:51am

Great post. Yes, your relationship comes first. Everything else will work out eventually, if you as a couple are working.

I love your childless "manifesto" I have made my own emptynester Manifesto from your lead!

Our bedroom/bathroom is off limits....You have yours, we have ours.

childlessSM's picture

Submitted by childlessSM on Wed, 02/06/2013 - 5:40pm

I saw that, dragonfly! Thank you so much - I was thrilled to see you make the manifesto your own. Awesome.

We have the bedroom/bathroom rule, too. Smart.

childlessSM's picture

Submitted by childlessSM on Wed, 02/06/2013 - 5:41pm

I saw that, dragonfly! Thank you so much - I was thrilled to see you make the manifesto your own. Awesome.

We have the bedroom/bathroom rule, too. Smart.

c-mom's picture

Submitted by c-mom on Wed, 02/06/2013 - 4:28pm

These are all great tips... but do you have any tips on how to do this that are more
for us step-moms whose husbands have full custody and therefor we have to step in as substitute moms 24/7? I like the bedroom thing. I will try that once we get our bedroom back. The other two tips don't seem possible for me when I spend every waking hour that the skids aren't in school, with them. UGH!

childlessSM's picture

Submitted by childlessSM on Wed, 02/06/2013 - 5:40pm

C-mom, I will say that the "bedroom rule" is really powerful. Once my husband and I committed to it, we realized how much time we spent before bed talking about his former wife and daughter. Not good! It really helps to carve out space and time for just us.

Your situation is tough. Maybe you could still try the "discussion rule" and the "time alone" rule, though. At least one date away from the kids a month? And maybe you and your husband can set aside a time/day for those heavy talks about his former wife and the skids? Of course there will be day-to-day stuff and urgent things come up, but knowing that you can save most of it for Tuesday at 7:00 (for example) really helps build healthy boundaries. I hope that helps - good wishes to you!