Daily video chats
I have a hard time accepting the fact that my boyfriend has a 5 year old son. He lives with his mother but comes to stay with us on weekends. It's been a very difficult thing for me in all aspects. They have a little ritual where my boyfriend calls BM every single day, sometimes more than once to talk to the boy. It always makes me uncomfortable if I'm around so as soon as I see that call coming in or going out I escape to another room if at all possible. Well this last month my boyfriend got an iPhone so now these phone calls have turned into video chats (aka FaceTime). Now I REALLY feel uncomfortable. It's like my boyfriend has his own private glimpse into their home (BM lives with her fiancée and they have a new baby) and how they live their lives, and vice versa. The video chats seem to last longer than the phone calls did too, and they're filled with baby talk back and forth to each other. It's like when my boyfriend talks to his 5 year old son, he too turns into a 5 year old. I guess my question is, do I have any legitimate reason to be upset over the video chats, or am I over reacting? I can't let it go and be cool about it no matter how hard I try.
There is no need whatsoever
There is no need whatsoever for them to video-chat. As far as I'm concerned there is no need for phone calls unless there is a major issue. My relationship is by no means perfect at the moment but one thing that has changed for the better is that BM is no longer allowed to call my SO whenever she feels like it. Realistically, what do they need to talk about daily? If he was ill or there was something really major happening in his life (which I'm sure in unlikely at 5) then there is no reason for calls. He should want to make YOU happy whilst ensuring the well-being of his child. Daily contact is totally unnecessary in my eyes, and will be the failure of your relationship - I've been there and I had to tell SO he either totally cut the amount of contact or I was gone. Why should you have to share him? Have a chat with him, and ask him to stop this for your sanity
I don't think the age matters
I don't think the age matters if a child wants to talk to a parent daily they should be able to. My SS recently turned 6 and I know for a fact at least when school is in session DH tries to talk to SS daily, sometimes when he was working nights it was every other but still very frequent. Normally the conversations lasted between 2-3 minutes unless SS wanted to tell DH a story, and it didn't/doesn't bother me. I will walk away, or if we are in the vehicle together I will look at something on my phone and only ask how it went if I heard something that made me curious. When DH is at work like right now I don't even hardly bring up SS but I feel lucky to have that escape.
I think maybe express some concern that you feel like the video calls seem a tad longer, and that y'all get him on the weekend. However this is not a battle that should turn into a war - I say you mention it then move on. Heck I talk to both my own mother and MIL more than DH talks to SS and if I was told I needed to stop I'd lose it on him.
Focus on y'all - I read a post quote in another post -- ***If you want to sign up to be a stepmom, there are going to be TONS of things that annoy the SHIT out of you. The question is, do you love this guy enough to grin and bear it, let small things go, and love and want to see SD/SS become a lovely young adult. If you don't, leave. There's no harm in that, and you're "losing" or admitting defeat if it's not for you.*** - Tessa12
Sorry just re-read the post
Sorry just re-read the post and noticed the SO is calling to speak to the boy, that is a totally different situation, I read it as he is calling just to speak to BM - I say texts to BM and phone calls/voice chat to the son, that's perfectly reasonable. Just no face-timing BM!
The problem isn't the minutes
The problem isn't the minutes spent with the boy the problem is you don't like the idea he has a son, he once loved another women enough to have a kid with her. Like a ex-girlfriend you want the boy cast aside without even a picture to remind him that he ever existed.
Well it's never going to happen. You should either accept the fact that the boy exists and his father wants to have as much contact as he possibly can or your relationship is as good as over. He's only going to take so much of your complaining about his son before he ends the relationship.
Now that you know that trying to have a relationship with someone who has children isn't in your future why not break this off now rather than later? Why try to spend the rest of your life with a guy who constantly reminds you of something you prefer not to be reminded of? Why not find a guy without children with whom you can create your own family without these irritations?
Do yourself and your boyfriend a favor and move on with your life. Admit it was a mistake, take the blame to avoid any argument, and move out as soon as practical such as the first of April. Back to Mom's for now, a girlfriend's or your own apartment if you can find one you like and can afford.
Don't make two people miserable for a year or two longer only to have it end badly anyway.