When you realize it’ll never work
When you realize it'll never work for at least these reasons:
1. You like and/ love each other, but you were raised entirely differently (oil/water) and the things/activities that keep you together cease to be an option.
2. You don't share children; there is no glue.
3. You never really wanted Skids in the first place. You were oblivious to what all it entailed when you were rushed into it.
4. Your Skids don't want you in their lives, their lives that entail dad and mom--not you!
5. While he may be prodded to create boundaries that never existed until you came along, they only last so long because he can't hold out long enough to see that they'd actually have worked. The short term pain of having children punish him thru avoidance is too much to bear.
6. The decent relatives he does have, that actually like and include you, are dying away, leaving only the trashy who despise your, sorry, higher station.
7. When you know you could never like much less love his offspring.
8. When you detest the idea of ever being involved in shared activities involving the manipulative, behind the scenes Ex.
9. When you know you're not going to be able to continue enduring the above and accepting that you have to share him with "them" and her...for-ever.
Realizing the above and doing something about it are obviously two different things. The reason you don't do something: Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, and fear that you may always feel you made the wrong decision to leave.
When your SO puts kids and ex
In front of you. That you come in second or third in the family. Let your SO play Happy Family eithngge ex who they divorce
What?
What?
3,4,5,7,8,9
And when you learn terms such as mini wife, emotional incest, emotionally stunted adult children, narcissism, toxic people, enmeshment, guilty daddy syndrome, etc. Because these are acted out in front of you daily.
When you decide to overcome the fear of being alone because you realize being alone living in PEACE beats daily triangulation, gaslighting, lying, cheating, etc.
You all were so right. I held on thinking it would change. It has gotten worse. I would rather live out of my car than one more minute in step HELL.
I moved in with a friend my stbx doesn't know so he can't stalk me. Dissolution no. 2 filed and WILL go through.
Working on my self esteem, attachment style, and personal goals before ever dating again. And if I do date again, it will be a man who never had children and preferably never married. Lol I plan on staying single n focusing on my career.
That's great to hear. Your
That's great to hear. Your situation sounded horrible!
I kept thinking it couldn't
I kept thinking it couldn't get worse then it did! Ty so happy n peaceful n free now!!
When you suspect there is
When you suspect there is scheming behind your back and stuff being discussed/planned without your knowledge and you realise you don't belong to their secret club. You are excluded and things will just be sprung on you at the last minute and you are forced to go along with it under the pretense "oh didn't I tell you?"
Fun times!
I could've written all the above ^^^^
...and got the heck out in March! No contact, great therapist, self-help from various resources to rebuild my self-esteem, self-worth and confidence! I live alone with my dog in PEACE after escapting HELL and the solitude and healing has been a journey with wonderful results!!
Freedom is beautiful...and so are you!
Congratulations on your new
Congratulations on your new life of peace!
So happy for you! Thank you
So happy for you! Thank you for checking back in to inspire hope in everyone.
Oh I know for a fact there is
talking behind my back. My husband is a people pleaser - it's a work in progress - and we have gone rounds multiple times when we'll make an agreement, and in my world if you've agreed then it's set, and he'll suddenly appear with a whole nother thought process and everything we discussed goes out the window. Total guilty dad syndrome and we damn near split up last year. I told him flat out he either learned to hold a boundary or he needed to GTFO and take his kid with him. He's improved a bit but he still tries to pull the dumb ass card occasionally.
Could have written that list myself
Oh man, the list posted is so accurate. I love my husband, but dislike his oldest children. They're nothing but manipulative, self centered jerks. Partly I realize is the age, at 18 and 20 most of us were pretty dang self centered. Long as they're getting what they want then hey everybody is great, but put a boundary in and they lose their damn minds. I love my husband but he and his ex have done a shit job raising those kids. The only one I don't mind is the 13 year old but given how his older siblings turned out I have zero confidence in him doing any better.
Agreed
I agree with every single item on the list. How much easier it would be not to have to deal with the step-kids, his utter devotion to them, the time that he spends with them. Isn't it ok to wish that we had met pre-kids and didn't have that subject to deal with? Yes, I got myself into this situation, but having never been in that situation, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I made a mistake.
I understand
I resonate with so much of this. My 3 adult SSs all have emotional baggage due to the way they were raised. I think my DH is an amazing man, full of love and generosity but he chose to breed with a train-wreck of a woman which has left it's mark on all three skids. They are now 26, 23 and 19 and I'm slowly realising that it doesn't matter how old they get and whether or not they are living with us, they'll always be an emotional and financial drain on my marriage. Luckily our finances are still quite separate but I still get angry at how the skids drain their father emotionally. And yes, he could cut them off but that's not his personality and why I fell in love with him. I need to learn how to distance myself from the drama and let my DH and the ex continue to parent their offspring. I live in hope that they all find partners far, far away so we only have to see them once a year! The eldest has a long-distance relationship with a girl in Australia so my prayers seem to be working!
I find the most frustrating
I find the most frustrating thing is being taken for granted. All the wonderful things SO did to gain my affections have disappeared as all his efforts and energies are expended on chasing after crumbs of love from SKs.