When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us
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Ladies, this is a title to a book which I bought and I would highly recommend to those of you frustrated by adult children in your lives. Basically the book explains how today's children are spoiled and how we have provided too much and continue to provide too much. It helps point out what we did wrong along the way but it also tells us how to stop it without feeling guilty and how to take back our lives as we desrve. The author is Jane Adams
It sounds like a good book. I
It sounds like a good book.
I have to say though, that it isn't ALL our fault. Society has played a roll in shaping our kids expectations on what they feel they "deserve" and "need".
Facebook is being shown as a place where narcissism runs rampant.
ME, me, me, me... all the time!
Studies also show that these shows on TV that are for teens and young adults are having a bad influence also. It appears that kids want to model their behavior after the characters on the shows (like on Gossip Girl)- that it is "cool" for be superficial, have a lot of expensive clothes and things, to gossip, and to resolve issues with others through fighting and being nasty and backstabbing.
I just watched my SD go through her wedding, and found out that it is now advised by "wedding consultants" in stores, that you include your wedding gift registry with the wedding announcement. This is the stores way of getting people to purchase the wedding gift at their store. It doesn't seem to matter that it is very bad manners to do this - money rules all!
The following chapter said
The following chapter said pretty much what you said here, that as adults it is now their choice to accept or not accept their childhood and move on with or without their parents. It says though that we have to change our approach also and stop the cycle of enabling and let them be responsible for themselves in all aspects. I am finding the book very informative and helpful.
Another good one is Setting
Another good one is Setting Boundaries With Adult Children by Allison Bottke.
REALITY THERAPY = Don't mess
REALITY THERAPY = Don't mess with me!
We are NOT BAD to set Healthy, FIRM, Clear limits with our kids.
In the end, it helps them - because either we teach them, or they have to learn by trial-and-error out in the real world. Believe me, the real world does not care about them as much as we do, and the real world will not give them a bunch of second, third, fourth, etc... chances. Adapt or perish is the rule out there.
This is the BIG reason my DH's kids are so spoiled, their mother wants them to LIKE HER - not respect her. She wants to be their friend, and give them what ever they want - even if it hurts them in the long run. They are in for a rude awakening as time goes by.
Maux, I love your ID photo! Who was your photographer?
ABSOLUTELY! I remember one of
ABSOLUTELY! I remember one of my daughters telling me that I had been hard on one of the boys after a certain incident. She calimed he was upset with me for how I handled the situation. Well, well, well......I told her that he better not go into the military or think the real world is going to treat him any better because he will be in for a big shock. I think it is hard for grown children to let go of the pedastel that their parents held them up on for so long, adoring everything and anything they did. Until they have been thru what we have they have no way of realizing how we can love them and still be hurt and disappointed. And because we love our children does not mean they have the right to walk all over us and demand they treat us like dirt. We took all the "I hate you's" when they were little and we kissed them and let them know we loved them anyway but at some point that has to stop, as adults it becomes abuse to the parent.