Wait I always thought it took a village to raise a child?
I don't get it. For years we have been told that it takes a village to raise a child. we have been told that the more people that love a child can enrich their lives. We have been told how important extended family is in the emotional development of a child. Children are supposed to be taught to respect all adults. They are supposed to show respect to teachers law enforcement, babysitters, nannies, daycare workers etc Basically everyone they come in contact with who is their elder. If they go into the neiborhood home they are expected to show respect to the adults living in he house and to their property and belongings.
Why is a sm the only adult that is consistently the exception on this list. Why is a sm not allowed to voice rules about how her house, belongings etc. where the hell could any child, adult or teen expect to enter someone else's home and use things that didn't belong to them or break a house rule and not get punished.
I just don't get all of the posts stating what a SMS boundaries should be and all of the adult steps being sooooo angry that their sm dared to cross that boundary. If the sm didn't care she wouldn't in most cases tried to do anything. If a uncle, aunt or grandparent had crossed thes same boundaries would a step be as mad? If your best friends cool parent had done the same thing would a step child be as mad?
I have to admit I was only n EOWE step parent so there was a lot of Disney dad parenting hitch I could ignore since I only saw my steps 4days a month but I did have a few rules to ensure my property was not damaged -h came with nothing I had to provide everything. I also would never have tolerated rudeness from them but I honestly don't recall that being a problem until they were grown.
I can readily imagine it being much more difficult with full time steps which is why I can not understand how any child, teen, or adult think that they have the right to to live in someone home, eat food they provide and fix, and then have the audacity to tell them or to even think that they have no right to tell them what to do?
My opinion has been and will always be -when you pay the bills-you can make the rules in you own home. It's true for intact as well as any step family situation. It makes no sense that step parents are the only ones told they should not be able to make rules for their own household.
PS-I was once told something
PS-I was once told something very similar by a stupid neighbor who was 26, claimed to have a psychology degree, tried as hard as she could to be buddies with my husband...
She stated that it was NOT my place to tell my DHs daughter EVER how to behave in my home, that it was HIS daughter, thus I should mind my own business. To which I replied, "great! I'm sending my son over to your place and if he misbehaves, doesn't mind you or your parents or breaks something, don't you DARE say I word to him because he is NOT your son". It shut her up IMMEDIATELY! lol
PS-yes, she did continue to try to befriend my husband and my husband and I were having more and more marital problems until I realized what the little witch was doing and I told my DH...it finally hit him that indeed that was what she was trying to do...she now hardly comes over and always has some panic attack lol
Nice one!
Nice one!
Yes! Finally someone that
Yes! Finally someone that gets the actual question I posed. Thanks. Loved the story and I'm glad it shut her up.
OMG! How insidious is
OMG! How insidious is that...LOL
I do believe that us step parents get a bad rap, can I blame the brothers Grimm?
Seriously, there are too many 'therapists' who have too many conflicting viewpoints and a child can pick and choose these days if a therapist is 'not a good fit'. I know this because I have SKids from hell, nay, the deepest bowels of hell!
I have reminded DH on a couple of occasions, mainly when he's being defensive of SKids, that this is MY HOME TOO!
The only consolation is that when SKids get older, have their own homes and kids then they come to realize how it is, remember how it was, and I'll be damned if that pendulum doesn't swing the opposite direction!
What we need is the correct balance, now whether that will ever happen is a whole different story.
We live next door to a therapist too, she's a lovely lady and we have a lot of respect for her, she is a 'no nonsense' sort and we respect her too much to impose SKids on her! The entire juvenile justice system could not handle SD, seriously!
When evil SD was 13 she
When evil SD was 13 she announced 'You're not my mother, I don't have to do what you say.' And then she stomped out of the kitchen. About 30 minutes later she comes back in and and orders me to take her to a school function. I inform her that since she believes she was free to not do chores per my instructions I didn't have take her anywhere. No school functions, no school, no shopping, anywhere. Come to think of it, I didn't have to feed her, buy her clothes, fem products (it mortified her to go buy pads, anything. And then I left her to soak in that knowledge. After about ten minutes I heard the clink of dishes being washed. She wasn't stupid.