They're trying to push buttons again
DH got an email yesterday from SD20 saying that BM can't afford to keep the house if SD stays in school. SD has a baby and lives with BM.
For some reason, BM has always had an entitlement mentality about that house (now a dump under her management). DH basically gave her his equity and a piece of land to satisfy any obligation to her and SS16. After SD graduated from HS she never worked, then got prego. Now she is trying, and her kid is great, but I find that approach to saying "we need help figuring out all my school expenses" a bit over the top. Threatening the loss of the house. Like we care.
We'd love to help SD but are barely getting by right now with this economy.
Also what is annoying is that BM never discusses issues with the kids with DH. But when they make another bad decision, guess who they come to for a quick fix? SS just cashed out his savings to buy a vehicle that can't be inspected. Did he ask DH for advice? Hell no.
So he just blew his money. SD blew hers on a car that she wrecked 2 weeks later, drunk. Too bad. She could use the money now, couldn't she?
LizzieA on the House! UGH!
I think I can relate a little. In DH divorce, he pretty much gave BM the house. (She felt entitled, she is "The Mother" :sick: And SD still lived there at least 50% of the time so DH in my opinion, gave it to her. His take from the house is $20,000 that he collects from BM and she doesn't have to give it to him til SD graduates high school!! An interest free loan to BM for 8 years!) A little more background on the house... DH was very young, but in construction, so he built his own house. They had a mortgage for $100,000. When they divorced, they owed about $97,000. House is appraised at approximately $240,000 - $250,000. Beautiful house with skylights, cathedral ceilings, open floor plan, floor to ceiling windows, on 3 acres. Now fast forward a few years. SD even though she loves the house her dad built, can't stand BM and came to live with us. She also hates seeing how her mom let the house deteriorate, how she constantly complains about having it, or how her mom only spends time and money on the outside, where people can see, and not the inside (On important things, like a stove! Or painting or cleaning).
Things changed for us with the economy and other things, so after 1 year of SD living with us, we ask BM for child support. But oh no!!! BM will lose her house if she has to give us CS!! She'll have to sell it because she can't make her monthly bills!! Because she got the mortgage up by refinancing 3 times even though the house is still in poor shape!!! DH was smart enough in final divorce to say that if BM sold house before SD graduates (because that was BM's trump card, that she should live there) then SD gets anything over the ridiculously low value BM made DH agree to when they signed the divorce decree. And do you know that BM didn't even think that was fair? She thought all of the profits should go to HER. She of course didn't think DH should get $20,000, but why would she argue her own child getting a piece of that pie? SHE'S FREAKIN' SELFISH!!! UGHHHHHHHH
Anyway, now BM is crying that she might have to lose or sell the house. DH is worried that SD will regret this in future years. But I say LET HER SELL IT. If she gets the value or close to it, SD gets a nice college fund. BM doesn't deserve it - she only feels that it's owed to her and she complains about it's upkeep every time she talks to DH. Which drives DH crazy because he would have LOVED to have had that house for the past xx years since they separated!
OK - that's my rant - hopefully my only one today. But when I saw your blog about your DH giving his house and property away and them not taking care of it, and then crying to him because they will lose it out of disrespect to the property, JUST KILLS ME.
So many similarities
DH and BM had the same kind of agreement, that she would live there until SS graduates from HS. Then she would buy him out/sell and split the equity, plus DH would get an extra $10,000 for the down payment he made with his inheritance. DH and BM split the mortgage and taxes in lieu of CS.
Well, the first winter, oil skyrocketed and BM called crying that she couldn't afford to keep the house. Trying to get more out of DH. That was no go so DH did a listing agreement (he was a real estate agent). She wouldn't sign. We suggested selling the house and BM moving to one of the lots (3 in all) that had DH's mum's trailer on it. That land would be her equity piece. (worth over $50,000) Oh no. She was way too good to live there although her living expense, with utils and taxes, would be about $400 a month instead of $2,000 (mort, utils, taxes). And, her proposal back was that she get the land AND 1/2 the house equity. Greedy pig.
So then they decided to sell the land w/trailer. Of course BM wanted most of the money, and then tried to tell DH what he "needed" to do with his 1/2. DH handled that sale which, being small, was of course a real estate nightmare. And his mother to deal with on top of it. (she had been renting the trailer to a friend, who died).
BM also had the mistaken idea that DH would continue to do all the maintenance on the house (he used to literally do everything, including clean, cook, shop, etc.) Ha ha. No. She is such a pig that the garage and cellar are always full of garbage and discarded items, thrown like a drunk strewed them all over the place. So weird. They never mow the grass (but had a hissy when DH took his $1500 rider away--he still owes on it). She put a deck on with land proceeds but didn't fix the roof, which leaked like a banshee this winter.
But, DH is now off the note and deed. We moved states away so he made her refinance last year (it took her from July '08 to Jan '09) He just took the rest of his downpay and she tried to get him to wait for another land sale for that! He GAVE her his 1/2 the equity, probably another $20,000! He figured it was worth it not to be tied to her, a deteriorating property and a liability issue (she lets underage kids drink, etc) He could have forced a sale but you know how the market has been.
That house is a sacred cow to BM and the kids. And yet they'd all be better off leaving that miserable, depressed area.
Lizzie
Wow... crazy right? I don't know how these women feel so entitled and you are right - THEY ARE GREEDY. It boggles my mind.
"And, her proposal back was that she get the land AND 1/2 the house equity. Greedy pig."
Can you even IMAGINE having the balls or the ignorance, the frame of mind, to do something like that?
Cheers girl - to a kindred sister. I really try hard to not wish bad things on people, but these women do make me hope that someday they will get what they are due....