I was just wondering for those moms who became the main parent to their steps, what has been the end result in their adult years? Angry and hateful, or accepting and loving.

My husband had custody of his boys, I entered their lives when boys were 5 & 7, BM was not a consistant figure in the boy's lives and certianly was not a role model of any sort. I raised the boys as if they were my own and I have to say for many years I felt we really were doing well. It was when the kids got to be about 17/18 which was the same time frame we had issues with my bios and at the time I chaulked it up to the age and having to accept their childhood. I am now starting to think differently. The boys are 26 & 28 now and have been very vocal about how I messed up their lives and how I had no rights to tell them what to do growing up, etc. I sure wasn't the housekeeper! And where was BM? I really had no choice. Husband's work took him out of town alot and like I said we raised the kids as an intact family as much as we possibly could.

I'm frustrated but I also have grown very hard in my feelings towards my stepsons. The things they have accused me of are not true, the things they said I said are also not true. My husband has been supportive of me so they have decided to not have anything to do with the family.....not something I have wanted but with the last sitaution I delt with I also told my husband I had to disconnect. It is obvious they hate me, have no respect for me and what's the since? My husband deserves to have a relationship with his sons if he chooses, that's completely up to him but in a sense I feel the boys have won if husband develops a relationship without me. It would be kind of like my dad manitaining a relationship with me without my mom if there were hard feelings there, almost unsupported if that makes sense.

Anyone have to deal with this?