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Petty SD

Notthedoormat's picture

Submitted by Notthedoormat on Fri, 03/18/2022 - 1:18pm

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

I know I just posted yesterday, but today is a new topic.

I opened a social media app only to see a post made by SD20. It reads along the lines of: 

Creating a family that stays a family is my number one goal in life

Nice.  I want to tell her that no one sane gets married and has kids with the goal of getting divorced.  Stuff happens and then divorce is often the end result. 

I also see this sort of thing as a jab at me and her pushing for DH and BM to be in the same physical location when we go to visit as further evidence of her wishing she could separate DH and me. 

Maybe I read too much into things.

I guess she doesn't have enough life experience to fully understand yet. DH and I both doubt SD20 and her husband will be together in 10 years, but we didn't tell them they shouldn't get married...it wouldn't have made a difference anyway.  

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 03/18/2022 - 2:16pm

What a stupid thing to post.

She's not even mature enough to be starting that family. Perhaps her goal, right now, should be to become a bit more independent and to grow up a little. Get a driver's license and stop living with Mommy. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 03/18/2022 - 3:33pm

I think you might be overthinking this one - because you have that sore spot and that touched it. Shes an immature brat who has no real life experience and is happily being shuttled around, and coddled. And enjoyes playing "happy family" with her divorced parents and her in the middle. I dont think it was directed at anyone in particular. I could be wrong.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Fri, 03/18/2022 - 5:45pm

I do think that it's somewhat coming from her experience of having parents that split up and the pain it caused her.. because I'm sure it was distressing to her.. it would be distressing to any child. adult or not.  That doesn't mean the same thing as she doesn't like you... or wants her parents to be back to gether.. she may well realize their relationship wasn't healthy.. so her GOAL is to do better for her own child.. 

My OSD got pregnant and had to get married (loosely meaning "had").  I did tell her that we supported what she wanted to do, but that this was her chance to "get it right.. and be the parents that she feels she didn't always have.. that stayed together for the sake of the kids.. and that I hope she works it out.. but she may find that it isn't as easy to do as she might have wanted growing up.  So... now she is in a marriage that is middling at best.. with semi-regular "I'm getting a divorce" blow ups between them.. not healthy really.. but it's her life!

Notthedoormat's picture

Submitted by Notthedoormat on Mon, 03/21/2022 - 3:07pm

That definitely could be it. Her parents divorced when she was very young,  so she definitely knew the life of going back and forth, and when her dad had to travel for work there were extended absences.

My parents also divorced, so I can relate somewhat.

She was pregnant when they married and was only 19 and hadn't finished high school yet and I feel sure she was looking through rose colored glasses...thinking how different her life will be....but unfortunately I don't predict a good outcome... and not because she doesn't try. 

I definitely have a tender spot that she pokes. But I try to take the high road. Thanks for letting me vent.

Kaylee's picture

Submitted by Kaylee on Sat, 03/19/2022 - 1:52am

OP, don't worry about it. 

Ex SD was exactly the same....posting similar messages on FB...."family is everything" etc.

It's attention seeking, that's all.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 03/22/2022 - 12:21am

The SpermIdiot has had one marriage of a few months to a 16yo during the custody fight to avoid going to prison for statutory rapre.  He lies his ass off to all 4 of his out of wedlock spawn by 3 different baby mamas claiming to have never been married.  SS has seen a copy of hte marriage license and took a copy of it on one of the later visitations to show his three younger half sibs.

Diablo

SS-29 and SpermIdiot spawn #2 detest him. #'s 3 and 4 worship him and are living out his delusions of gangbanger convict greatness. #3 is in prison for felony armed burglary for a minimum of 5yrs, and #4 is following his brother closely.

SpermGrandPa has a bevy of geriatric cheat partners and SpermGrandHag is delusionally amazing. A legend in her own mind.

I learned from my blessedly short 2.5 year marriage to my cavern crotched adulterous skank whore of an XW, and DW learned from her experiences with the SpermIdiot.  Those experiences have in large part helped us be great together and to be the example of adults, spouses, and professionals for SS to experience as he was growing up.  His mom and I are extremely proud of him.  

Hopefully your SD will learn from  the example you and your SO set. Not likely, but possible. The influence of the shallow and polluted end of a Skid's gene pool is difficult to overcome.

Good luck.

Notthedoormat's picture

Submitted by Notthedoormat on Tue, 03/22/2022 - 7:33am

Good examples are definitely helpful...and I don't think SD has had that elsewhere.  Her mom remarried and divorced again then lived with ex that cheated on her for many years, until he apparently threw them out because older SK came out as trans. They continued their relationship,  though.  Older SK was in college and came home some weekends and apparently BM's exBF couldn't tolerate it.

BM's parents are just as bad. Grandmother is a functioning alcoholic and grandfather had another child from an affair, but they never divorced because of affairs. 

My kids are well adjusted,  so that gives me hope.