No more family dinners with SS22
It’s Thanksgiving weekend and we invited ss22 over for dinner but he is not coming. Last weekend he came for dinner and brought his large German Sheppard puppy. His puppy wasn’t the nightmare he use to be but it’s still too much.
We have a dog (well DH’s dog) who is a very smart, highly trained border collie who is 12 years old. The 80 lb puppy stresses her out not too mention us too.
Our dog does not jump up on people or up on kitchen counters, does not jump up or sit on furniture and is very mellow. Our dog even is trained to do her business in one spot in the yard and no where else.
My MIL(87) is nervous about large dogs especially a rambunctious one like ss22’s. His excuse for bringing the dog is “I had no choice, I was out all day and I don’t want to leave him in his kennel all day”.
So this weekend for dinner I told DH to invite him but tell him to leave his dog at home. At least DH feels the same way and it goes over better coming from him.
SS22 is not coming over for Thanksgiving dinner because he can’t bring his dog. I guess he is going out all day and doesn’t want to leave him in his kennel. Which is good but at the same time, when you own a large high energy dog and work Mon-Fri you should have out during the day on the weekends.
Also just because we have a dog does not mean I want other people to bring there dog over especially untrained dogs that jump up on people furniture and crap on my deck.
Well I guess SS22 isn’t coming for dinner anymore.
You are right. We have a
You are right. We have a small dog, doesn't bark (Hallelujah!) He does have a spot with a blanket at one end of the sofa, AND (get this) he potty's on command! Other people have brought their little Cujo's (no kidding) to my home and I had to put my dog in the back yard and block the doggie door because it would attack my dog on HIS Turf!!! The worst part , the demon dog belonged to, and was brought into my home by dh's EX! That's a whole other post. I put my foot down, our little guy loves everyone and loves other animals and was confused when miss BIT_H (as I called it) wouldn't just play with him. My dh backed me up,lucky for him, and the dog was banned. DH pointed out something amusing, he said " Dogs tend to take on the personality of their owner, how else would it act"
It is acceptable to invite the person and not the dog, don't give it another thought, and don't get guilted into backing down ,Good Luck!
Part of me was feeling guilty
Part of me was feeling guilty and a little bad for my DH because he won’t see his son this weekend. But I am not going to back down, if I did then it just makes it more difficult in the future. My DH doesn’t want “dog of destruction “ over either, I worry that he might change his tune.
I can sympathise to a degree
I can sympathise to a degree with people not wanting to leave their dog at home alone all day. Mind you, I disagree with people who work all day, getting a dog in the first place. Dogs are pack animals, social creatures that are not happy alone for many hours each day, in my view this is cruel and selfish, especially people that leave a dog in a tiny crate for 8-9 hours while they are out at work, back for a few hours then back in it's crate at night again. Our dog goes in her crate (because she feels secure there) while we are out - 3 hours maximum.
In my opinion, if you are going to get a dog, you should have time to be with it, to train it into good habits such as not jumping up, good toilet habits etc, then if you want to go out at the weekend for a couple of hours, you can leave it in its crate with good conscience, knowing that this is an OCCASIONAL solution, when you are going somewhere where the dog is not welcome.
No one brings their pooch to
No one brings their pooch to my house. Hell no. Unless it's a service dog.
I agree with that. There are
I agree with that. There are enough people who just think because you have a dog that it’s fine, but it’s not. Friends of mine stopped by unannounced once with their new puppy at my new house. He made scratches in my new hardwood floors, pissed on my floors, sh@t in my deck and brought mud in on his paws and jumped up on my new couch with muddy paws.
These same people were mad when I would not agree to watch there dog for a week when they went away. I have never invited them over for any parties or BBQ since because I worry that they will bring both their dogs (they hav pe 2 now) or be offended when I tell them to leave them at home.
I always take our dog with us
I always take our dog with us when we go to visit my brother for the day - he lives over an hour's drive away and it would otherwise mean leaving the dog at home for many hours which I am not prepared to do. But my dog is always extremely well behaved and she is small. My brother and his wife are happy for me to bring her. If they weren't, however, I don't think we'd visit them, they would have to come to us.
Small well trained dog I
Small well trained dog I would be ok with that. My sister has an older shiatsu and I am fine with him over. I wasn’t good with her bringing him as a pup because he took a runny dump on a very expensive area rug and my sister never paid or even offered to pay the cleaning costs.
I guess one thing that I am
I guess one thing that I am wondering is why SS22 for such event's as Thanksgiving, he not get a friend or even pay a neighbor to let the dog out and take it for walk? I live in complex and a semi-friend has requested of me to take care of his cat when he is on vacation a couple of times. He requested that I go 2x a day to keep the cat company. Even though the cat does not care if I am there or not, I did so gladly. He does not pay me to do so, I just do it as a favor.
Or, why does the dog need to be indoors, why not insist that the dog stay outdoors or in the garage. Geesh! I find it quite rude that your ss22 thinks he can do what he wants with the dog. I personally do not like it when I am invited somewhere and I have to socialize with the dog, because the dog will not leave me alone. In one case the dog was slobbering all over me, and the hosts would not take it outdoors or in a bedroom. It was so gross and really made me tense to be subjected to such things.
It takes a lot of work to prepare for a dinner party, it is a shame that it has to be ruined by a dog who is not trained and allowed to do what it wants. Don't feel badly about your ss choice, let him continue to prioritize his dog and let him be angry at you. I truly feel your decision is valid.
I hope my husband does not
I hope my husband does not back down on the issue, he is siding with me on the dog. I asked him to tell ss22 to leave the dog at home so it came from his dad not me. Currently our yard is under construction with an oversized 4 car garage and no fence so outside is not an option. Even if it was fenced this dog would not stop barking (and he is loud) and would stratch the hell out of my door, we tried at our old house in May.
And you are right it’s not fair to other guests.
Stand your ground..... SIL
Stand your ground..... SIL never goes any where without her 4 big ass dogs, if her dogs are not welcome then she will not come.
Her whole family accepted this for years, then enters I... sorry your dogs are not welcome in the yard,
1. her dogs pees in my house, I have to clean she only laughs and says they are marking their territory.. well it's not theirs.
2. I had a trained guard dog that tolerated the weiners... but hated her dogs and I had to lock my dog up if she wanted to come over, not happening dear, it's my dogs yard and I will not lock them up, she once ignored me saying leave your dogs at home, and she was very upset cause I stuck her 4 big dogs in the dog kennel...not my problem, my dogs can be free in their own yard, I only have the kennel for my dog if there's small kids around or the gardener.
3. When my guard dog went to heaven, SIL had the cheeck to say, now I will visit cause my dogs will be fine, I laughed and said NO, my yard not yours, your dogs stays at home they are still not welcome.
Her dogs are huge, with no training, if you want to have dinner they will come and stand next to you trying to eat off your plate, I slapped one on the nose and she got pissed off, how dare I she simply allows the dog to eat of her plate and finds it funny...
My yard, only my dogs... if you do not want to come over for Christmas or what ever cause I told you your dogs are not welcome, you only spite yourself not me