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I think we should petition Miss Manners to write an etiquette book for stepfamilies geared towards all members. What-

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 01/22/2013 - 4:52pm

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

Do you think? Would you be willing to sign if I started one?

Sometimes I think being a part of a stepfamily would be easier for all members of it if there were some sort of guide book outlining proper behavior for each member.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 01/22/2013 - 8:20pm

I agree to an extent. So many of these SDs seem to have deep issues that need professional help. But I think there's a way for these SDs (and heck, even SSs) to deal with these deep issues and feelings and work through them and still treat the SP with respect, good etiquette and politeness.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 01/22/2013 - 8:22pm

I will also add that I think Miss Manners should strongly suggest in the book that bio parents get their minor kids professional help if they suspect these kids are having a tough time adjusting, and that the adult skids seek professional help on their own.

doormat333's picture

Submitted by doormat333 on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 4:30pm

My passion is writing and I would love to collaborate on this sort of project. Who needs Miss Manners when a group of us could easily put together a great guide for this subject? Smile

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 9:19pm

I agree. What if Miss Manners used some of those other sites for her research? You know - the ones that suggest a SM should just be nice and eventually the skids will learn to love her?

doormat333's picture

Submitted by doormat333 on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 5:33pm

Yes, lack of simple manners and acknowledgment for nice gestures is a must! Definite section on how in-laws treat SP's needs to happen. They can be the worst influences over their grandkids.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Submitted by New second wife... on Thu, 01/24/2013 - 8:26am

I think there should be a section on the "Etiquette of Invitations".

For instance it is bad etiquette to invite your father to an event and not his WIFE (or SO).

Oh, and it is bad etiquette to walk into someones home and say hello to one person and totally ignore the other.

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 11:22am

"My SD's would buy it, so they could get new ideas of how to do the opposite." This is my SD to a tee. It would just give her more ideas.

You made me realize that many times SD's nasty behavior was planned. Like your SDs she needs backup (RA). After reading some of your posts about your SDs I noticed she that even though she is an only child, she never visited alone. She and her husband would start mumbled, sideline conversations immediately after walking through the door. Many times they acted as if they were angry with me for no apparent reason - playing on my insecurities. Of course, DH didn't present support for me either, they knew he wouldn't. Their main objective was to single me out and make me feel alone. It usually escalated from there as 'opportunities' came up for sarcastic snips, or more games.

I know I sound like an endless reccording, but I am SOOO glad she is no longer in my life. I come to the site every day - it keeps me focused and resolved that she will never darken my doorstep again.

Step wifey's picture

Submitted by Step wifey on Sun, 01/27/2013 - 1:47am

Don't think they (skids) will read the book...
If they have good manners with everyone but the SM or SF it's clearly personal.
Even step parents have their own issues.

Only if the skid and SP care enough to say "please" and "thank you" will they care enough to read book or join a forum to learn how to be better.

But hey, I think such a book would be helpful. I think sometimes the biological parent assumes this job is easy for the step parent. I think a book that helps the bio-parent put him/herself in the step parents shoes would be more helpful.

bostonstepmonster3's picture

Submitted by bostonstepmonster3 on Sun, 02/03/2013 - 3:14am

My biggest problem is the manners issue with my stepkids. They NEVER say "thank you" for anything. It simply disgusts me to a core. My parents taught me to always acknowledge giving or nice gestures, no matter what. Too bad, the stepkids I married into are total white trash and never learned the importance of a "thank you". I gave my car to one of the SD's and her husband was gracious and she just smirked! I could have paid some big bills from the sale of that car, but I chose to help someone out. I know you are not supposed to expect gratitude when giving, but a car! Really?????