HD's Protection and Support
Shortly after we got married I noticed that DH never took up for me when SD was being a brat. Since then there has been many times, both with SD and unrelated to SD, when DH should have come to my defense but I have to defend myself alone. The need does not arise often, maybe once a year - I usually get along with everyone, but when it does, I feel like I have been set on an ice flow. For instance, last year we were in a restaurant. We ordered, then waited and waited. Customers that had come in after us had been served, ate and left. I made a comment to a waitress that we had waited almost an hour for our meal. About 15 minutes later a waiter came over to searve our meal and reamed me up one side and down the other, yelling at me that we had NOT waited an hour. DH knew we had but instead of supporting me, he got mad at me and threatened to walk out of the restaurant. Later on, he admitted that the waiter was out of line. As I said this doesn't happen often but when it does, I feel deflated and betrayed. Isn't there a line in the standard wedding vows where it says, "to protect and defend" or am I wrong?
Over a year ago, SD and her hubby reamed me for asking them to speak loudly enough for us to hear rather than having sideline, mumbling conversations with each other while we were in the room. SD's hubby had no trouble defending her. My DH ran out the door.
I know that many of us have DHs who do not support us when there is an issue with SKIDS but I am just wondering if this carries on to other situations with you?
Sounds like your husband is a
Sounds like your husband is a wus. I don't involve myself it there is a problem with my wife's kids, but if it was anything else, I am right there to stick up for her. If your husband won't do it, you may end up having to be more outspoken in order to defend yourself.
I promise you one thing - if I ever had an experience like yours at a restaruant, I would either be eating for free, or that restaurant manager would rue the day, since I would bury him in complaints to his corporate office.
With my DH, it depends on the
With my DH, it depends on the situation, but 9 times out of 10, he will not stick up for me. Luckily for me, I'm a loud-mouthed smart ass who put up w/ so much crap for long that I snapped and now I don't put up w/ anyone's. When my DH tries to ream me later (i.e. when the offending party is no longer around), I just point out that I effected the outcome to our advantage. That usually shuts him up even if he is still staring at me in dis-belief.
On a side note, for several years I worked primarily with men (as in I was one of 3 females in my company and the only one in my platton), and over our deployement, this subject came up. I was of the opinion that the man should stand up for his woman. All of the men were of the opinion that the woman should stand up for herself. My PL explained it this way: I'm a grown ass man. When I have a problem with another grown ass person, I address the problem myself. I don't ask another grown ass person to take care of it for me. My wife is a grown ass woman. Why is that when she has a problem with another grown ass person, she expects me to take care of it for her? Did her mouth stop working? Because I'm sure ass hell not gonna hear the end of it for a week when we get home.
I guess men and women for the most part just look at it differently.
Good point. In a one on one
Good point. In a one on one situation, I have no problem. But when we are in a restaurant and he gets mad at me for asking where the food is, or when he runs out the door while his Daughter and her husband are verbally abusing me for something I didn't do - it would be great to know I had his support rather than getting mad at me and running away.
What if next time the
What if next time the daughter and her husband start on you, YOU RUN OUT THE DOOR 1st and leave your DH with his snarly daughter. I think it would look good on all of them.