This is just a confessional rant.

SS lives out of state and DH rarely bothers to mention him to me, knowing that he'll get no response/blank looks/other reactions indicating my disengagement. My DS and DD2 live nearby, and DH is as sweet to them as he can be--and not just in words but in actions. He does appropriate stuff for them, happily socializes with them, and otherwise relates to them cheerfully and willingly. I, on the other hand, am hard-pressed to stay in the house, let alone the room, when SS is visiting. The merest thought of actually doing something for SS, up to and including putting an extra plate on the table when he's here, shreds my last nerve. DH makes his son behave around me, but clearly blames me for this state of affairs.

I really have no way of justifying how I feel, other than to say that SS has been openly hostile to me on many occasions. Though his father has laid down the law to him, I retain the clear perception that SS thinks as little of me as I think of him. In our years together DH has seen some pretty rotten behavior from my offspring, but only one instance--a comment from DD1 who struggles with severe PAS--only this one instance has ever been aimed directly at him. The rest of their rotten behavior has been general rotten kid behavior, or hostility aimed directly at me. They sincerely like DH and seem glad he's in my life (i.e., they have to worry that much less about their mother).

Writing it down makes it pretty clear what the issue is: My kids have been rotten, but SS has aimed his rottenness directly at me. Still, it's hard to watch DH being so nice to my offspring while I know that if SS were to ask me for something, I would not hesitate to tell him to f@ck off and die. Thank you all for listening to my confession!