DH just snuck over to SD's
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DH said he was going out to the store for 10 min and he has been gone for 45 min now. I know he went to SD's since she lives 2 min away. He used to tell me if he was going to pop in there, but this morning he just did it without mentioning it. He goes there EVERYDAY! I wonder if any of you have a similar situation and is this even remotely normal? Confused and hurt once again.
p.s. maybe he just move in
p.s. maybe he just move in with SD, her DH and 3 kids. They all seem to be so happy when they are together without me.
Thank you for the advice.
Thank you for the advice. Sounds like a great idea. Sometimes this stuff just catches me off guard and I remember all the bad things that have come about as a result of DH visitng SD alone. This is when she has his ear and she often fills it with negative stuff about me.
^^^^ EXACTLY....That is the
^^^^ EXACTLY....That is the sort of stuff that I live with too....DH gets demanding phone calls from the little turds he calls his 'boys'....spoilt rotten brats who never listen to a word their father tells them....in fact they call their father mr dumb arse.
They hate me bc I stick up for my DH through thick n thin.....
I am repulsed when my DH asks me such stupid things like are you on drugs/seeing someone on the side/about to move out....? etc etc....these are the stupid negative things that his weirdo kids fill his head with....they make things up constantly in a bid to break us up....and as I wont talk to them anymore...they whine to their father how stupid he is to be with me as 'she is seeing someone else' 'saw it on facebook' or some shit like that
any wonder you are upset when he goes around their without saying anything...sounds like he has been summoned as the skid has more gossip on you that he needs to hear. :sick: :sick: :sick:
I think it's more about the
I think it's more about the deception than the popping in to see kids and grandkids.
Why doesn't he just say "hey, I'm going to chill at SD's for an hour. See ya later!"
When you lie, it doesn't really matter what you're doing. You're a liar.
Well, i guess you don't know
Well, i guess you don't know what has been going on behind my back over there. This is when SD fills his head with all that is wrong with me and how I should change. That is the problem..... not his seeing the gkids. DH going there so often seems to be condoning SD's behaviour by letting this situation continue. If it was my daughter I would hope that she isn't trying to alienate me from my DH like SD is. Thanks.
Not anymore it isn't about a
Not anymore it isn't about a cup of coffee and hugs. A few years ago it was that way and I had no problem with it all. For some reason around 3 years ago SD slowly began chipping away at my character during the one on one visits. Then little by little DH starting telling me her complaints. I was passive at first and tried to make things work smoothly with DH and SD and family. It got so bad that one time up at our cottage SD listened in a private conversation DH and i were having in our bed late at night (around midnight) and she had the nerve to confront DH about it. Because I said a few things about being disrespected and hurt by her meanness toward me, she didn't think I had any right to say that!!! Rather than be upset about her eavesdropping DH told me about it as if she had all the right in the world to do that. Now it wasn't overhead innocently either - we have a guest cottage so they were in a separate building altogether. She would have had to go outside and stand outside our bedroom window to hear it! It has just gone downhill fast and I don't feel DH is respecting my feelings by going as often as he does. If he doesn't change his behaviour neither will SD.
Blue Belle, How would you
Blue Belle, How would you feel if your Dad lied to you so he could be alone with his wife? From experience, I can tell you liars do not usually lie to only one person. So odds are 20year's SD has been lied to also. HD's lie becasue they think it is easier for them. In the end it comes back to bite them in the a$$. They lose the respect of both SM and SD.
I can relate. My Dh sneaks
I can relate. My Dh sneaks around behind my back with his kids. It feels like a complete betrayal of trust and like he has two separate families. It's not different than having an affair only it's emotional. My skids live on the other side of the country so Dh can't sneak off to visit them like yours does. They refuse to visit, refuse to accept me or have anything to do with me. My Dh goes off into his office to talk to them on his cellphone. Never tells me what's going on.
A few weeks ago he went out and I knew he was going golfing since he took his clubs. but what he didn't tell me was his younger son was in town for a business meeting and he was meeting him. You'd think if his son was in town he'd expect him to come visit his home and tell his wife about it. But no, not Dh. He completely hide it from me and snuck around my back.
Rather than my Dh telling his son to grow up and demand that he acknowledge that his father remarried and accept his new family, Dh allows all of his kids to carry on a separate life where they exclude me and continue to pretend I don't exist. I think it's a power trip for his kids. They get to yank their dad around and make him do things that infuriate me.
I totally understand what you
I totally understand what you are feeling. It is like they cannot stand beside their wife and be supportive. This leaves us (sm) feeling less than worthy of respect. If the person who chose to love and cherish you and stand by your side through thick and thin can just ignore your feelings, well it takes it's toll on you after a while. Eventually you may arrive at where I am now, I just don't care about pleasing everyone anymore. I am a little bitter and resentful and hope it goes away. The longer I stay away from SD the easier it gets. I truly wish it wasn't this way, but for my own health and sanity I feel I have no choice. SD will never take responsibility for this alienation and DH doesn't expect her to either - so we have to agree to disagree forever. I am now at the wait and see if DH can actually live in this double life for much longer. He thinks it will all blow over soon because that is what used to happen. We would all just ignore it and sweep it under the rug until next time. No more of that for me. I just got off the emotional roller coaster ride for life. No more games, no more BS and no more feeling guilty. I hope you can sort this out with your DH as it would certainly make life a lot happier for everyone. Good luck.
oops double post.
oops double post.
And to me it says.....DH
And to me it says.....DH considers new wife as a temp one....a second hand rose
one that isnt taken too seriously
I SOOO can relate to this. I
I SOOO can relate to this. I know my DH would never have the guts to say to SD, "I will no longer allow you to bash Sandye or treat her with disrespect." From past experience of what DH has related to me, I know I would not be getting a totally accurate account of what actually occurred. When they have arrived home after being together their actions and expressions do not 'gel' with a discussion about better respect for Sandye. So I have insisted if she is to enter this house again he will have to tell her in my presence. But like you, this is what I would really like. DH has no idea how much this would mean to me and how much more respect I would feel for him.
As far as your DH coming home and telling you what SDs said about you – ya, I agree it's a ego trip.
Remember ladies, there are
Remember ladies, there are women who also engage in this behavior!
My DW routinely sat between me and SD17 as we battled for her attention and approval, and she loved every minute of it. And of course, she always utlimtately sided with SD17! Thankfully SD17 lives with her bio-daddy now, or else I am sure that this would still be a problem.
Thanks ladies for all your
Thanks ladies for all your input.
well today, another fine day. It was beautiful and sunny. DH started out at 9:00 AM with do you want to go for a walk and stop in at SD's. I said no thanks I have some errands to run. My errands were approx. 2 hours. I came home and no DH. He did not come home until 5:00 PM without a phone call or anything. He said I could have called him at SD's and said to come home if I needed him or wanted to do something. Yeah right like that would have went over well. Calling DH and dragging him away from his precious mini wife and her family. Sheesh, he just doesn't get it. Now I am frustrated and ticked off - he is so dense sometimes. duh. :jawdrop:
He was walking the dog and I
He was walking the dog and I am 100% sure he was there and not somewhere else LOL.
He hung out there until SD had to leave to go to a baby shower and then her DH and gkids were there puttering around. DH just hung out there for something to do and play with the kids. I gently told him when he got home, maybe you should just move in there since you seem to prefer spending your time there. I just felt ignored and as if I don't matter anymore. Not a nice feeling.
My DH does this too -- and
My DH does this too -- and the only way i find out about it is if he accidentially slips it out, or i see it on his phone that there is a text to her asking if he can come over or whatever. Why not just be honest? i don't get it. i think the reason why we do get upset is the dishonesty of the whole thing - why the need to sneak around? And the fact that they've allowed their daughter's to treat us like crap, and the fact that they go over there is saying to their daughters that 'I don't care how you've treated my wife, i'm condoning your behavior by continuing to have a relationship with you without any consequences for your actions (and continued actions) and mistreatment (and continued mistreatments) of my wife.'
my DH doesn't see it that way. Funny thing is that he says after he's been there "it was only for 10 mins' or "it's not like I had any fun.' What? It's like he is acting like she is the other woman -- 'it's not like she means anything to be baby.' Whatever.
Actually yes, my DH has
Actually yes, my DH has always been selfish and self-centered. I was just TOO in love to notice. I have fallen out of love and the light bulb is now turned on - really brightly too. Don't get me wrong, I do still love DH just not the same as I used to and I have lost a lot of respect for him. If things don't improve in the next 6 months I will probably not have much left for him. Sad because we had a great thing for a long time. I just cannot play 2nd fiddle any more. Mini wife / adult baby is far too demanding and is always right no matter what. I am not playing or competing with her anymore. And if DH tries to bully me into working it out with her he is in for a big surprise. NO F'n way is that ever going tohappen. This has been the hardest and most UNREWARDING experience in my entire life. How I wish I had run for the hills years ago. I feel like i have wasted my whole life only to end up feeling bitter and alienated from DH and his first family.
LOL that is a good one.
LOL that is a good one. Obviously he wouldn't call and say that , sounds as stupid as lying about it. As if I wouldn't be bothered by being left for 8 hours without so much as a peep. What a jerk.
He didn't bring the photos
He didn't bring the photos in, he put the under the seat of the car.............See, they damn well know they are doing the wrong thing. They are like little boys trying to put something over mommy.
Funny you should say that
Funny you should say that because last weekend after his 8 hour disappearing act that is exactly what I said to him. I said, "i think you go live with SD since you seem prefer being there rather than here at your own home". He just looked at me with that guilty - deer in the headlights - look. duh.
Funny you should say that
Funny you should say that because last weekend after his 8 hour disappearing act that is exactly what I said to him. I said, "i think you go live with SD since you seem prefer being there rather than here at your own home". He just looked at me with that guilty - deer in the headlights - look. duh.
I think it is weird the way
I think it is weird the way so does it- why all these lies?Plus, if his DD was disrespectful and undermining towards your rs I understand your grief about him going there every day-since you know for sure she is trying to influence SO against your rs.It would be better for SO to be open and also to speak openly to his daughter about not listening to her crap anymore.This is not about a granddad being happy to spend time with his grandchildren for the poster it is like a betrayal since he allows his DD to speak negatively about his wife.
Momof51969 My sentiments
Momof51969
My sentiments exactly. This problem is twofold. By lying and by visiting the daughter as if all is well on planet earth they are condoning their daughters treatment of their wives. I also believe they know it, they know they are doing the wrong thing and that is why they lie and sneak. As another poster said, cheating is cheating doesn't matter who the other woman is the next door neighbour or the daughter it all amounts to the same thing they are deceiving their wives. It is amazing they do not see how sick this behaviour has made their daughters, no normal young woman would want her dad coming over EVERY day and as for staying all day please. If this was the daughers bio parents I am sure she would be telling dad to bring mom along or sending him back to mom after a short time.
I think it also sends a poor message to the grandkids in the long term the will assume grandads wife doesn't want to see them, and I am sure this will be encouraged, hence another generation is taught to hate the poor old SM.