You did right and I'm sorry you are going through this. It's bad enough going through a health scare without having to deal with the drama on the side.

I know this sounds terrible, but when my DH had a heart attack, we did not tell his family, skids included, until after he was home from the hospital. His decision, by the way. BM showing up was the last thing he needed and I wouldn't put it past her. Of course, it would be all about HER.

I do hope your DH will be ok.

You did right yes. Stress is the last thing he needs.

It's great your DH is doing better! It's times like these that makes us stop and thank God for what we have.

Don't focus too much on nasty Skids. Too often, step relations have a way of taking over mental real estate long after they are gone. Don't let them.

Instead, let this be an impetus for a plan for next time. Who let the kids and ex know DH was in the hospital? Does DH want them there now?

I'd make a plan to either not call them in the event this happens again or have a strategy to avoid interacting with them. You could ask that visitors be limited to only you unless given permission. That way, when someone else comes you can okay it and then remove yourself for the time they are there (with set time limit).

You were right to remain cool. This wasn't just good for you but for your DH as well.

I 'get' that this ex had a lot of gull to think she'd be invited in, but if the nurse came in and asked your DH had to have agreed to let her in. He could very well instead 'no, Im not accepting visitors right now'. He didn't do that. Yeah, he was tired and non-talkative while ex was in the room, but he didn't say 'no'. In a case such as that, the OP did well in not making a scene or losing her 'cool'.

As much as it was hard for the OP, she can't make these decisions for her husband if he is capable of making them himself. Yes, talk to your DH now (Im glad he's ok and recovering, by the way). You need to know his wishes and how he would like you to handle this situation if it were to ever happen again. Next time he may not be able to talk and express his own wishes. You also need to know if he wants you to contact his children (or any other extended family or close friend). Nobody likes to think of being seriously ill and/or dying but it's a fact of life and these topics are something a husband and wife must discuss.

In a future event he has decided he'd like to allow the children to be contacted and would like them to be allowed in but this time he isn't alert or can't make the immediate decision, you know how to handle it and what his wishes are. Even if his wishes turn out to allow the kids knowledge and entrance that doesn't necessarily mean you have to let them in, stay bit a few minutes and take any crap they might toss your way. You don't have to entertain them, be social towards them or anything of the like. If you all despise each other or there is a history of issues, simply limit like 5 minute visit (the staff can and will back you up). You can step out (so you don't have to deal with them), run down the hall for a quick cup of coffee blah blah.

If the DH has instead decided 'nope' wants nothing to do about contacting them or allowing them in, then you simply give the CCU desk the restricted list of visitors and any instructions to time/condition limits. That's all you have to do. The staff won't allow the unwanted guest down the hall to the room. This isn't just for your/DHs sake it's for all the patients. They certainly don't want drama in the halls of critical patients. They don't want the patients upset and they are trained to handle bullsh*t.

While I would never go against what my DH had pre-decided were his wishes in the event something happened, I would not hesitate to implement limits on how those wishes are granted when having to be put in play.

the ex wife showed up? What the hells wrong with that woman? She should totally have enough sense in her head to respect your family's privacy.

You did a good job by being cordial and not reacting to this group of mean and inconsiderate people. Everyone here has given you good advice in regards to how to handle this type of situation God forbid if something like this ever happens again. You handled yourself with class and dignity. Your love for your DH is evident as you chose to keep the environment calm instead of confronting these a$$holes. The ex-wife is an idiot. Sounds like she wanted to create this weird interaction in order to look like a victim of some sort. My DH hates his ex (I mean really hates her) and I can only imagine how upsetting it would be to him if he was in the ICU and the crazy b!tch came to visit. I hope your husband continues to heal and get his strength back. My husband had a cardiomyopathy and went into congestive heart failure 3 years ago and it was really scary to say the least. He has always had perfect health so this was a suprize. It was caused by a virus. Thank goodness his heart has healed and has returned to 100% normal size and function. I'm sharing this with you so you can have hope that your DH will return back to normal. The body has a great ability to heal and there is a lot cardiologists can do to help the patient recover. Good luck to both of you. Keep your head up high and continue to be the classy person you are should this pack of a$$holes come lurking around again.

Next time, hopefully there won't be a next time and your DH will stay healthy, put the XW and Skids on the exclusion list for visitation. Force the desk to call you for authorization for anyone to visit.

This time, you did the right thing I think.

Staying calm and collected is never wrong or out of line. By not reacting to their rudeness you caused them consternation when they hoped to cause you embarrassment.

You reversed the whole situation by staying above it all. They left there knowing that their rude behavior had no effect on you what-so-ever. I.e. they are irrelevant and therefore how they act is irrelevant.

i am sorry to hear about your dh, but ex wife has no place at his bedside. that is why she is an ex. she is no longer his wife. you are.

we had a situation where sd graduated from university and ex and boyfriend showed up. dh paid for all child support since the divorce when the sds were babies. not one word of thanks from the ex for supporting sd through her education.

It's good to hear your DH is on the mend. This is a subject that causes concern for me. I know if DH was in ICU, with the possibility of dieing, he would want to see his daughter. I know it would be selfish on my part to refuse. But I know her well enough to know that she would be her usual pompous, rude self, blustering her way in, treating me like crap. Until I read this post I was set of just not telling her until afterward. Now I don't know what to do. I don't want her around me or my home. The idea of contacting the nursing staff to limit visitation sounds good, maybe have a friend nearby for support.

SD is one thing, the ex is another. You were good to stay calm but the ex went way beyond outrageous. No matter how long her trip was, she should have not been allowed in the room. It upset you. That's enough. And I'm sure it wouldn't have made a bit of a difference to DH at the time.

I enjoy when topics like this come up. It opens up a dialogue between my new husband and myself on how we will deal with things in the future if, God forbid, one of us lands in a situation like this.

We each now know who we want called...and when. No ex's will be allowed in the room. We are both very clear on this. We have promised each other to keep any ex's outside the sick person's door. No matter what. No matter if the skids neeeeeed BM their to comfort them. There are family rooms/lounge areas where the BM can comfort her kids if they wish. It is my job to protect and comfort my husband. That means making sure his I.V. doesn't run dry, keeping an eye to his pain control...to...making sure nasty people stay out of his room. Plus...if any of his girls act like jerks to him or me...out they go to.

We decided.
Thanks to OP that posted this question.