DH And I Meet SS ,DIL, Little SGK For Dinner.
DH ask me would I be willing to meet with his son and family for dinner. I havent been around them for a long time because of how hateful they are and never including me in family events.I told DH I would give it a try just to see how they treat me and I also did it for DH because since I have stayed away from them he stays away also. We met with them and just as I expected nothing had changed with them. They didnt have much to say to me and DH's GK didnt have anything to do with him or me. Those kids dont know us. SS brought his daughter and sit her in DH lap and stats taking pictues of them with his phone but turned his phone to get a picture of DH and GK without me in it and I was sitting right beside DH. Then kept saying to their kid go love papaw . Tell papaw how old you are . Tell papaw how you have learned how to swim. Tell papaw to come anytime to see you and play. Oh GAG. I heard pawaw till I was about ready to passout. Never told their kid my name . So I was still very nice to them until it was time to leave . Papaw paid for their meal and SS told his kid to go tell papaw thank you for buying our dinner . So I found out there is no change so I wont be going there again. DH said I wish my kids would change but to me they will never change and I will never be a part of them. It wasnt my choice it was their choice.
At least it's done and over
At least it's done and over with. When I'm stuck at one of these ridiculous dinners I just enjoy my cocktail and enjoy the Adult Skid Howdy Doody Hour.
Good for you for taking the
Good for you for taking the high road to support your husband. I'm happy to hear he's supporting you by not going otherwise. Perhaps they'll take a hint from his non-appearance the next time he's invited. Of course it's irrelevant now since you're going to quit giving them chances.
I have disengaged twice. The
I have disengaged twice. The first time was for a couple of years. DH assured me SD would be better so I allowed her in my home again. In no time, she was back to her old obnoxious self. The only way they can change is to see themselves as they really are and be honestly remorseful for their actions - very rare.
Are you planning to stop going out with SS and family? Does your DH mention anything to them about how rude they are?
Sandye21 ,yes DH has told
Sandye21 ,yes DH has told them they will regret someday of how they have treated me and him but they can mow DH down like grass and he just cant stand up to them like he should. I wont be going out with his SS and family again. DH is welcome to go if he wants to but he never goes when they tell him to come without me . So they are not getting what they wanted . Im just finished with them . DH kids and DIL's hurt me one time very bad about 3 years ago. Talk about being betrayed ,it took me a long time to get over that . So I am completly done especially after the way they treated me this last time.
Glad your DH supports you.
Glad your DH supports you. Sad for them that they will be on the losing end. But then - it's their choice.
knockemstiff - I am curious
knockemstiff - I am curious too. When I have to be around the SD at obligatory functions (which aren't that often thankfully), I just sit there quietly like an idiot. I just have nothing to say; I am sure I'm already thought of as a bitch anyway by the SD, so that's nothing new. It's awkward & uncomfortable as hell - all I can do is hope the event goes as fast as possible.
HELLO MONDAY MORNING... ...I
HELLO MONDAY MORNING...
...I have been disengaged for over a year now ...
The initial reason I stepped back was to work on myself and my own inner issues...but, during that time frame I was able to clearly see that these kids have been raised to manipulate, use, act entitled to, and take advantage of, in any way they can of our generosity...One thing they epically fail at, is realizing that, I don't owe them anything. They do not automatically get to push a magic button and command their dad and I (either or both) to show up at anything when they have treated him so dishonoring, and have tried to divide our marriage, devalidate my existence, treat me with apathy, and with hold the grandchildren and use them a weapons to cause us hurt and pain...
They no longer have me for an audience to sit and observe their stupid antics...I refuse to participate with someone who totally relinquishes and surrenders all personal responsibility for their own behaviors...They lie when confronted, spin it out some other way, try to discredit me, try to devalidate anyone or anything so they don't have to own themselves...They absolutely are still blaming someone else for their decisions, and then justify their aggressive behaviors toward hurting our family any way they can because they still have major issues they haven't dealt with. Most of their problem is the battle they have going on in their own stinking thinking...the number one drug for a narcissistic culture or individual is admiration...and I refuse to feed that animal...I will not be responsible for keeping that thing alive...the best solution is to starve it to death of any attention, and to send a clear message that Yes...your actions have consequences..and you can't treat people like garbage one day and then when you command they come and see you expect them to jump and perform because they are so weak and co-dependent that they have lost their own personal identity trying to please your sorry ass....(did someone say this was a site for venting?...wow...that felt good)...The problem is...you can't tell someone to take responsibility for their own actions when everyone around them is enabling them to act irresponsibly...they have to make a choice...then live with it≥..
Can you imagine doing anything you want to make yourself feel good and then never having to own yourself because it is always someone else's fault you did what you did...What a Life...(it's pure bullshit)..(excuse my french)..and what's wrong with half of society today...
No..you just have to keep growing as an individual...keep dealing with your own stuff...release them to their maker and let Him deal with them...stop looking to them for any type of validation...give that position back to God regarding your own life... and pray for the best...that somehow they will find their way to get free from the things that haunt them...usually baggage left to them by their own parents.... Don't take their crap personally...It really is their problem and there is nothing you can do about it...they have to figure it out on their own now that they are adults? yes, well, the age of adults anyway...
Time to breathe, and get on with your life...be happy...reflect on the time wasted already on this type of issue and learn from it so you can live out the rest of your years in peace...the parenting "season" is over...time to move into a new season of rest...GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.........
Very well said peacemaker .
Very well said peacemaker . All of us need to read this . Amen
Hugs Lady! You've dipped
Hugs Lady! You've dipped your toe in the water and it's mighty cold. Guess you know where you stand and whose presence you won't be in for a long time. I'm glad your husband recognizes this.