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Q. When Can I Introduce My Kids to My Serious Girlfriend?: My ex-wife and I separated earlier this year and divorced in August after being very unhappy. I have been seeing someone since June who I've known for a long time. I am happier now than I can ever remember being. I've already met her kids who are in college. Mine are 10 and 15 years old and my ex and I have joint custody. We've all been to family counseling and the kids have been to counseling on their own and the counselors agree that they've adjusted really well and so they are no longer doing therapy. My ex-wife believes, very strongly, that I should not introduce my girlfriend to the kids until we've been divorced for three or four years. I am planning to introduce her after the holidays so as not to cause any undue stress on the kids. I've done some reading on this and the experts say you should wait at least a year past the initial separation and then only introduce them to someone you're serious about. As I am pretty sure I want to marry this woman, I think this qualifies as serious. I think my ex is more upset that I am happy than she is worried about the kids.

A: Since you've been to a family therapist you like, I think you should go back and run this question by her or him. That person knows your family and everyone's dynamics, and can help you figure out both how to introduce your new love to your kids and defuse as much as possible your ex's anger. I don't think there's a specific timetable for such an introduction. But I agree the new person shouldn't pop up as an immediate feature of the divorce, and parents should only introduce people to their kids they are serious about. One of the benefits of divorcing your wife is that she no longer gets to dictate what you do. Her three to four year timeline is silly, and yes it will probably drive her crazy that you're happy. But one of the pitfalls of having been married to her is that she may try to undermine you with the kids, which you have to be prepared for. So, talk it out with someone who can help guide you through this delicate passage.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/11/dear_prudence_m...