I don't know what is going on but maybe like people say on here...time makes it get easier. I find myself more sassier then ever these days! Actually every thought that comes through my mind about SD gets pushed out! My 2 daughters have been spoiled with my love in the last couple days and they seem very happy! I know this part was probably not a good choice for me but tonight they were in the tub and drawing all over the tub with bath crayons and my 8 year old listed all of our names but left SD19 out and then at the last minute wrote her name in and I wiped it off and giggled...so did she..ok I know bad but we all needed that laugh!

Anyways I still battle the anxiety and panic but I find myself laughing a little more these few days and feeling safe for once. DH had a heart to heart with me and I realized that he will protect me and the girls. He told me everything he felt and for some reason I could breathe a bit again, I felt safe for the first time in a LONG time. I think the days are looking up. I hope they are.

Thank you to all you step talkers who have been there for me, you have no idea how much I need you through this and even my DH approves of this site haha! This is a guy who even hates facebook, he is a very private man but he believes I found a great support group so thank you.