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Awkward Fathers Day

still learning's picture

ss33 and his barely legal girlfriend came over for Fathers day. Before ss came over he made a BIG deal about the gifts he was bringing over for DH.  He and gf just walked in the house and gf who I've never offically met is avoiding eye contact with me. She was over at our house once before but when I walked down the stairs to meet her she literally ran in the other direction out of the garage.  ss33 had to walk by me to find DH, no hello after I said hello and says, "This is my fathers wife." gf barely raises her head to look at me and tentatively shakes my outstretched hand.  

They go off to find DH and visit for a bit, later I hear a car leaving and think the visit is over but it was ss leaving to do something and gf stayed to visit with DH.  I had to walk by them to get a drink and got to see and hear all about the fathers day *gifts* ss gave to DH.  First of all DH got a hug, that was #1, then he shows me the "best painting ever" that gf painted and gave to DH.  I hate to be mean (not really), it looked like something a grade schooler painted with a color by number kit.  It was awful, then she signed it with her initials which I had to chuckle at. What her initials spell is not flattering, though very fitting. 

I played along and oohed and ahhhed at the fantastic and soooo thoughtful painting and then gf decides to actually talk to me and in a snitty tone said, "I learned how to paint after BM paid for me to go along to an art class with her." Turning to DH she said, "BM said that you really like _______, so I painted one for you." DH pretended not to hear and found something really interesting on the bottom of his shoe.  "Oh how nice," I said.  At that I left DH with gf and the *lovely* painting that was really from BM, and the art class for the two of them was sponsored by DH's monthly alimony payment.  So really DH gave himself a cheesy paint by number *work of art.*  

In summary, ss33 really didn't get DH anything for fathers day but just wanted to bring over a reminder of BM to stick on our wall.  

MadHatter's picture

That piece of trash art would most definitely be hung on the wall for anyone who walked in my attic to appreciate! Next time they come over, make a point to show them where it is and brag about having a difficult time finding an appropriate place for such a masterpiece! 

sandye21's picture

One thing that will irritate any artist is for their painting to be 'added to', even 'unintentionally' - just a little something that spilled on it when it was left in the garage, but "Actually makes it interesting!"  GF tried to make a power play.  Let her know who REALLY has the power in your home.

still learning's picture

Like most step encounters I walked away thinking, what just happened and why is this very young woman that I just met being so rude?  You nailed it,

"GF tried to make a power play." 

She had to come into my home, try to win over my DH and let both of us know that her and BM are besties.  If name dropping BM and a crappy painting is her power play then I'm not too worried.  

"Let her know who REALLY has the power in your home."

DH visibly withdrew from the conversation when she started talking about BM, bad move on gf's part. She's young, naive and likely being used as a pawn by BM and ss.  Sucks for her because Alimony is going away soon and BM won't be able to afford to take anyone anywhere.  

still learning's picture

If only I had an attic. Right now it's home is downstairs in DH's man cave, there is no way it will ever make it upstairs. If DH dares drag it up it will meet the most unfortunate fate.  

Wrong Way Diva's picture

I'm betting the 'art class' was one of those *ladies night out* deals where they serve wine and everyone paints the same picture.

Hugely popular in my area currently--the finished products look cheesy--it's marketed as a bonding night for bff's or family.  

Stick it in the closet and have DH and SS do something together with out GF

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Oh my. Your is such a vicious, stunted jerk. 

Does your H understand that he really didn't get a present at all from his narc kid, just a crappy paint by numbers throwaway that SS didn't pay for or paint? That's so pathetic. When is the fool's birthday? You might want to head over to Hobby Lobby now so that your DH will have a nice rendering of kittens or puppies ready for the big day. Don't forget to paint it with your foot.

Thank goodness you are merely his father's wife and don't have to interact with that pos.

justmakingthebest's picture

ROFL

 

That is an amazing idea!!! LMAO

still learning's picture

"Does your H understand that he really didn't get a present at all from his narc kid.."

Exactly what I thought, but no I don't think so.  DH will brag about the thoughtful gifts from his son for months.  One time ss33 brought over a bag of parially used paper towel rolls that he took from a job he had and DH make sure to point out those paper towels every time I went in the garage. 

A kitten painting from DH and I would be so fun to give to SS and GF for their living room >:) 

marblefawn's picture

The peripheral people around my SD (like your SS's girlfriend) always make me nervous. I imagine what's been said about me beforehand and just cringe at the thought of meeting them. Don't blame SS's GF -- if she's as young as you indicate, she probably feels pretty awkward too, especially being dumped there on Father's Day while SS does his business elsewhere. How weird!

Your cat would probably really appreciate some art above her litterbox. Smile

still learning's picture

I can only imagine all of the stories ss has told gf for her to have that kind of reaction towards me.  I get that she's young and the entire situation is awkward yet she had chosen to engage in the "Let's team up and be nasty to SM" game which will have consequences for her relationship with DH. There will be no gifts from us (except maybe a finger painting we do when we're drunk), no reminders of gifts and no reminding DH to invite them to anything anywhere.   Ice Ice baby.  

***Actually I was thinking that DH's kitty may enjoy it as a scratching post if it *accidently* gets knocked to the floor. Maybe kitty will even be a dear and mark it.  

Dovina's picture

So not only SS is rude to you, but the barely legal GF you just met is as well. Us SM's are really the lowest of the low on the totem pole. I guess we have to remember skids can ignore us, treat us poorly, and when they have partners/spouses they are given a pass to act the same.

still learning's picture

Yup she got the pass from ss and likely BM. DH predictably acted the same way he does when ss is a jerk, totally gets interested in the back of his hand or the wall.  Though they are allowed in my home I don't go out of my way for them at all, unlike ss26 and gskids I do put some effort into making the visit pleasant.  

Trying to be WIse's picture

We all share so many familiar details and big themes in our stories, chief among them how much hostility is openly communicated by SDs and SSs, focused directy on us. That stepmothers serve as the lightning rod for every family-of-origin disappointment, twinge, and irritation (much less significant flaws, crises, and dysfunctions) is undisputed--but what I am left wondering is what the mechanism is in the human brain that allows seemingly "regular" people behave like such bratty children just because their parent remarries and a step parent arrives on the horizon. What is the switch that gets flipped that says "Hey, now we can act viciously and get away with it!" I actually wrote a book about remarriage, I did, and interviewed many therapists across the country about this, but never quite got down to this level. Is it that acting-out SDs, for example, are just jerks to everyone in their lives, or is it that stepmothers take the bullets for everyone?

....I guess I must be hoping to find the answer and "fix" something, but believe me--I am disengaged, I use these forums to support my disengagement, and I am not entangled, if I can recognize and avoid it.

sandye21's picture

Perhaps a combination of both.  It takes a jerk to shoot bullets at someone without logical reason.  These idiotic jerks are created by other people who do not want to take responsibility for their actions - mainly Disney Dads and Narcissistic Mothers.  And it is multi-generational.  They are 'seemingly' regular people but if you take a close observation they are not quite 'real'.  In my opinion, television and 'celebrity' life has given birth to several generations of people who have no attachment to honesty or rational conscience.  It's much easier to use rationale that the Skids have seen on TV or witnessed from 'lazy' parents than to think deeply about how their actions affect others or if the target of their frustration actually has a part in it.

Every day I automatically turn on the TV for background noise and am immediately bombarded with highly paid athletes, actors and politicians who speak on our behalf but have no real connection to the average person or typical living situation.  How often have you viewed a portrayal of the average 'blended' family on TV or in the movies?

You asked the question: "What is the switch that gets flipped that says 'Hey, now we can act viciously and get away with it!'?"   In my opinion the switch never gets flipped on for deeper, conscious thought.

notasm3's picture

"What is the switch that gets flipped that says 'Hey, now we can act viciously and get away with it!'?" 

 

 I laugh sometimes that I could let SS33 and his equally worthless GF back into my life so I could be vicious and cruel to them.  It would be so easy to reduce such mental midgets to nothing.  But then I think 'Nah - I just prefer them to be dead to me."