Taking BM Back to Court
Wondering if anyone in here has had anything like this happen and what the outcome was???
My husband is taking the BM back to court 3 years after the divorce because she fails to comply with court ordered visitation. She goes on vacation and leaves my SS with a family member or friend rather than asking my husband if he wants to keep him. She didn't include my husband in any of my SS kindergarten registration this year and doesn't have him on any of the forms as his legal guardian and he's not even on the check-out list at school. My husband has several police reports showing that she was not home when we went to get my SS for my husband's visitation. My husband got sick of it and filed to take her back to court to get the custody orders reversed so that he would have primary custody.
Now, the BM is demanding that we pay her attorney fees because she doesn't have the funds even though we just found out that she spent all last week on a cruise while my SS stayed with her sister. Also, she is asking that my husband's child support go up because she says she has proof that he is making more money now. Keep in mind she is a mother of 2 (one of which is not my husband's) and lost her job about a year ago and moved her boyfriend in with her and the kids to help pay her bills while she works a part time job & collects child support.
The court date hasn't been set yet. What should we expect with all of this????
I understand that CS is based
I understand that CS is based off of his income (which hasn't gone up since the divorce) but obviously her and the attorney that she has hired believe that it will. We've done several of the online support calculators and it's not showing that the CS will increase. She's already been paying an attorney but now says that she can't afford to pay for it so she is requesting that the judge order us to pay her attorney fees. I also forgot to mention that she has asked my husband multiple times in emails to sign over his rights and she would completely drop child support. It's all just getting really old and not knowing what's going to happen in court (when they finally do go to court) is driving us crazy!
Keep meticulous records and
Keep meticulous records and write them all out in a notebook. Better to do it on the computer in word. Every little detail. Five minutes late, weekends with sister, no notice when ss went to doctor, not getting copies of physicals, details of text or email messages. Be very organized and very prepared. Make a copy of the entire document for the judge and keep one for yourself. Be able to reference the items in your sleep. Make sure there are page numbers and section numbers so when bm says.... I did not blah blah... You can say .... Your honor, if you'll please turn to page x section y you will see in the yellow highlight where I summarize the circumstances leading to police report 2848493 which is included in it's entirety on page 76 of this book.
Redundancy is ok. So spell it all out in writing, then also make a visual calendar with highlights of every time something happened. Say green for days you were supposed to get him and blue for days she gave him to someone else and purple for days she was late eye. Use those dark colors for the bad bm days. Only use light colors for the few days that happened as planned. At a glance dark colors taking up the calendar = bad bad bm.
List all the financial pieces too. How much does it cost for you to go pick him up every time she's not there. How much did it cost for u to get copies of records or buy stuff she was supposed to use cs for.
Take evidence that she has a live in helping with her bills and how she spends her vacations. Photos from her facebook or postcards?
Most of all don't expect it to be easy and do expect everything to go wrong. You can win if you're prepared and fight the battle hard but done expect one single thing to go your way just because it's the right thing to do.
Lastly, ask yourself... Is this the right thing for the kid? Do u and dh just want him bc u don't have him or is she doing something that really endangers him or neglects him? Don't go for it just because you want to. Have good reason to start this battle.
It does! She wants my husband
It does! She wants my husband to sign over rights like her older daughters father did when he was 18 years old. My husband would NEVER do that! He would have his son with him 24/7 if he could. He does everything right, pays child support like he's supposed to, covers all dental and health insurance, and gets him when he is supposed to (or tries to anyways). What she wants, and she's all but said this, is for my husband to completely sign over his rights so that her husband of 2 months can adopt both of her kids so they can be one big happy family. It embarrasses her that she has two kids from two different men and isn't married to either of them.
Thanks for the advice. There
Thanks for the advice. There is very good reason to start the battle. It's unhealthy for my SS to live in an environment that is so unstable & it is extremely unhealthy for him not to spend equal time with both parents. Up until he started school this year she was moving him from daycare to daycare without notifying his father. Then completely pulled him from daycare and started leaving him with a nanny until she got tired of paying for that then started leaving him with her 21 year old sister who also has a live in boyfriend and has numerous abortions. The overall environment that the BM exposes my SS to is not good at all. Not to mention she talks bad about both me and my husband to my SS who is only 5 years old!!!
I doubt she'll get her
I doubt she'll get her attorney's fees awarded. That is usually only done when someone keeps filing frivilous motions. If this is the first time your DH has taken it back to court in 3 years and he has police reports that document some of his complaints, it would be very odd for the judge to award her costs.
Have DH ask for ROFR for any time she is going to be gone more than 10 hours from the child. If DH already has joint legal custody, have him ask for sole legal for the purpose of education/daycare due to mom's refusal to include him in those decisions (get a copy of the forms she filled out for the school).
While it does sound like she is less than ideal as the custodial parent, I don't see what the change of circumstance is that your DH is claiming for a custody change. I think he'd have more luck increasing visitation, adding a ROFR and maybe some tweaks to the legal custody.
You are 100% correct that the child will benefit from getting more time with dad!
Also she cannot stop DH from
Also she cannot stop DH from getting all of the childs school records...the FEDERAL law FRPA says that as long as he has not signed away his rights, DH can go to the school anytime and get grades and attendance...etc....look it up on the internet...it is a GREAT law but you have to mention the law when you ask for info....but only the first time, after that the school will fall over themselves to give you info