My DH's ex wanted 1/2 his pay for support. He didn't want to pay that much, it was more than 3x the amount of the state guidelines, but he couldn't afford a lawyer and so the judgment for divorce was entered against him and the judge ordered him to pay 1/2 his paycheck, plus 1/2 of medical bills and assorted other things. By the time all was said and done, he had like a couple hundred dollars to live on each month. He couldn't pay it all, it was too much. Once the divorce was final, though, she calmed down a little and agreed to accept a lesser amount, which he paid faithfully. It came right out of his paycheck and went into her account electronically. This went on for five years and yes, he had documentation, even her SIGNATURE, on letters saying that she agreed to lower the amount and that she appreciated that he was NEVER late and ALWAYS paid the amount they had agreed upon. But as soon as I got pregnant, she went nuts. She found out I was expecting on a Friday and was in her lawyer's office on Monday. A couple weeks later, hubby was served with a lawsuit. She wanted arrears dating back for all five years that he'd paid less than what was in the original order, and actually had claimed that he'd paid nothing. She also asked for several thousand in unpaid medical bills - between their two insurances, there WERE NO unpaid medical bills and, even if there had been any, she never sent them to him. She also asked for the CS to be increased, because "if he can afford to have a baby with her, then he can afford to pay more for OUR children, because THEY CAME FIRST and HE HAS AN OBLIGATION." (What a bitch!) Anyway, the judge ordered them into mediation. The judge actually told us that if we didn't work it out in mediation, then she would have to rule in support of upholding the original order, no matter how old it was and no matter how anyone's income had changed since then, because they hadn't done a formal modification and all the emails and signed letters didn't mean a thing. What a kick in the gut! So at first, the ex wouldn't let him off the hook. She wanted 1/2 his salary for future CS payments, plus I can't even remember how many thousands of dollars in back support and other stuff. I do remember it being a six-figure amount, but I can't remember how much. At one point, when they were getting nowhere and the judge was saying that he owed it and would have to pay it, since there'd been no formal modification, I just snapped. I was eight months pregnant and it had been a long day, during which I was told repeatedly that OUR children didn't matter, only THE FIRST children mattered. Aaarrrggghhh! So I snapped and I told the judge, "Then just take him. Take him and put him in jail, because we don't have the money and we'll never have that kind of money. You can't work out a common sense agreement with an irrational, hostile, hateful, vindictive, jealous person who doesn't want to compromise. So just take him. We have $800/month that we can pay. She can take it or leave it, but she needs to keep in mind that if he's in jail, then there's NO money." Well, the judge took it to her and showed her that our offer was basically all that she would've gotten if they used the state guidelines to calculate the amount and it was that or nothing.

The judge did convince her to take it, so we did "win," I guess, but if she hadn't agreed, then the judge WOULD HAVE upheld the original support order and he would've had to pay all of that back, despite their agreements to lower the amount. All because it hadn't gone through official channels. DH thought he was protected at the time, because he had it from her in writing, but nope. If they didn't do a formal modification through the courts, then that old order is still 100% valid.

Sorry to have gotten so long-winded with this, but I just wanted you to beware. I don't know how things will go down in your neck of the woods, this happened in NC, but be prepared for the worst. It doesn'st matter how old the kids are now, he still owes her for not paying it all back then. By the way, the people who do CS enforcement are probably the only ones who DON'T care if Dad has remarried. They only care about enforcing the orders. You may be in for a long, yucky battle.

~ Anne ~

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt