I could talk about alimony forever jsmom! I still claim he is lucky not to be living next door in MA where they support LIFETIME ALIMONY. BM is the laziest, most useless human being ever. She did nothing for 22 years of marriage and now she's probably going to get more than half a million $ over the next 10 years. I told him last night that I think the lazier you are, the more money you're going to get from a divorce...all you have to do is push a couple of entitled, lazy, mini-bm's out of your vagina and you're golden for life!! Meanwhile, the new wife has to work past retirement age because SHE will never benefit from DH's job where he makes $250,000 a year...all goes to BM.

It is so confusing butterfly! No worries...we're all trying to figure out the f*cked up laws. If your in laws leave money for their grandchildren then that's THEIR money to do whatever they want with. I just mean, I know that they will leave money for my SO in addition to the grandchildren and my questions was whether or not BM can add this condition to the divorce settlement. I have heard of cases where these conditions are written into the divorce settlement as part of the agreement and I was wondering what law states that she is entitled. So far, she's entitled to half the equity in the house, half the 401k and then several thousand $'s a month. Oh plus, she wants him to be able to carry her on his insurance plan if something happens with her job. Which you KNOW she is banking on. That's exactly what I need...her to be on his insurance for the rest of my life! Do I ever get to be on it? I don't have insurance right now but she gets a divorce and stays on her EX husbands insurance plan? That part really pisses me off. She wants him to suffer for ever having the audacity to leave her.

Boy am I glad you read this post Finey! It sounds like you know a lot about this! I am not aware that it is a significant amount of money and I don't think my SO even knows. He so far has not been concerned about that...he would rather his parents be around of course than have to worry about wills and estates etc. However, I told him he should at least find out from them so that he can protect himself. Honestly, I don't care about any of the money I just don't want HER to get what is rightfully HIS and weasel her way into that. I just don't like it because it is HIS parents and I feel that it's outrageous she should have any claim to it. Ethically I think it's bullshit. I believe in working hard to earn things and because she is the total opposite, I wouldn't get along with her and do not understand her. I think it would be tragic if she got any of that money. My SO certainly does NOT feel entitled to any money that her parents leave behind and what's more, has no desire to fight that one. He makes plenty of money which is beside the point. I know he would want me to benefit from some kind of money since she's getting thousands of dollars of his money and obviously does not believe she is entitled to as much as she will get. He does admit to feeling that he has SOME responsibility which I get but she should not be able to rake him clean...again, this system is so corrupt. It's frustrating for everyone. Well...except BM because she gets whatever she wants.

Oh butterfly...no prenup, he had no money when they got married but now he's on top of the world and makes ridiculous money which of course she's going to try to take all of. I offered to sign a prenup before we get married and I believe he's thinking about it. I have no intention/desire to get ANYONE'S money. I can make my own, perfectly capable of that. If we ever got divorced I would just want him to leave me alone, you go your way, I go mine...we're done here.

:jawdrop: See, this is my idea of a nightmare. Especially the part about you paying ANY portion of a bill that has nothing to do with you! That's complete bullshit. I posted something on here a few weeks back about alimony and whether or not she could access any of my funds when we are married. My fear is that I will start making very good money and then BM will take my SO and I back to court to get more money from us. If she knew she could I don't doubt that she would, she's a total asshole. I was told by some other posters that my best option would be to keep everything of mine in MY name and therefore, she cannot get to it. It sucks because I would love to have joint accounts with my future husband but if that's what I'm worried about...it's so not worth it. BM will NEVER see a dime of my money. I would rather get a divorce myself than ever pay her lazy ass anything! I know it wouldn't come to that unless SO lost his job and then we had joint accounts but that's a longshot. I cannot stomach the idea of her being on any health insurance plan of his. It's just another way to sink her claws into his balls which she gets great enjoyment out of.

That's great information thank you fedup. I do understand the position that you describe some women as being in and I do sympathize with them because you are correct...it's not fair to her and many times she is not the bad guy. However, the understanding in this situation was that BM was to begin working once the kids were school age to help out with expenses. It was what they thought was best. At the time he wasn't making a tremendous amount of money. Was it enough to get by and to support his family...yes it was but her money was going to be used for extra things such as vacations or to pay a baby-sitter should they need one sometimes on the weekends, things like that. Plus, she was not doing anything at home and once the kids were in school she was bored and decided a job would be a good idea. Keep in mind...she didn't do housework or cook or help kids with homework etc...she just didn't take advantage of having the family she thought she wanted. She made a habit of getting these jobs, deciding the people she worked with sucked and then quitting. He had spoken with her about these habits and did offer to support her while she went to school if that's what she wanted. Instead she made plans for all these grand things but NEVER followed through. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she got a job at a state college out here that's very good. Both of her kids would have had free tuition. I'm sorry but that's really hard to come by, when you get that chance you take it. So she accepted the job, worked there for a couple of months and again...quit. She could have taken care of her girls' education and they wouldn't have had student loans or debt or any of those things the rest of us face, but selfishly she decided it wasn't for her. Mind you, this was out of pure selfishness that she chose that and my SO was devastated thinking that this was ONE thing she could do for the family and she couldn't even be bothered. So while I understand that there are plenty of women who are victims, I do not see her as one of them. She has been catered to her entire life, beginning with her parents. She never learned responsibility and then once she was married to my SO, he enabled this behavior. He has to accept that as well as he is definitely a big part of the problem. However, she is an individual and ultimately is responsible for herself. She doesn't have to be though. Instead of looking in a mirror and admitting she made mistakes just as he did she refuses to face that her husband left her for all kinds of reasons but the biggest one - lack of respect. I won't ever advise anyone to leave their spouse, it's not my place but one thing I demand and will preach about is the importance of respect in ANY relationship. He didn't have that, she didn't have any for him so therefore...marriage ends.

I am also aware that I have kind of a strong opinion when it comes to women who have absolutely no ambition. I don't believe this MUST be a career but whatever you are passionate about, that could be fricken making candles or playing horseshoes for all I care! Whatever you are good at, whatever you love...spend some time in life on that and believe that no matter what that is special to you. I respect intelligent, successful business women, but I also respect mothers who work very hard to make the best life possible for their children. She was not either of these things, thus...I cannot relate to her nor can I respect her very much.

That's a sad story NCM. I have always told my SO that when we get married and unfortunately someday spoke of divorce, I am walking away and leaving to start my own life. No dragging shit out in court, no being upset over money, none of that. If you don't want to be with me...I want nothing to do with you, in fact you can fall off the planet. Once I've been hurt I turn my back to protect myself against further harm. It is unbelievable to me that people want to put each other through hell because of how angry they are. To me it doesn't seem right to make someone suffer because their feelings for me have changed. It sucks, and it hurts and I have been there but you know what...there is beauty in breaking and you become someone else. You become stronger, and healthier and free...it's an opportunity. At least that's how I have looked at it and it's the only reason I am where I am right now. I am sorry for your sister...I hope that karma serves him, oh and it will my friend...it ALWAYS does in one way or another.