I received a call from SD18 out of the blue this morning begging for my forgiveness for all the things she has done to me and wanting to be a part of the family again.
Background: I moved out of the house last January because of her and my DH stayed with her until the DAY she turned 18 and graduated HS and then we moved back to my home state without her. She spent the summer with friends and then off to college on August with no support or assistance from us except DH GI Bill benefits.
I know she's dirt poor because she posts it on Facebook that she's a poor college student with no money. (she has room and meal plan). She parties all the time and tells DH she's too bust studying to get a Job. In either case we have cut her off. Her dad finally sees through her and aside from occasional texts he has completely stepped out of her life. My bio sons want nothing to do with her because of what she's done to me and I know that bothers her because they grew up together and she considers them her brothers. Anyway apparently a few months of living in the real world without being able to use and abuse us has shaken her foundations.
I told her over the phone that I couldn't forgive her right now and that if I decide to try that it will take a huge change in her behavior. After much thinking, I sent her the following text and would like some input and feedback. I haven't gotten a response from her yet so we shall see how deep her sincerity goes.

SD18
I've been sitting here thinking about your phone call and everything that has happened over the past few years that brought it to this point. To be honest there is a part of me that really doesn't want to go back towards any of that. The hurt and pain nearly broke me completely and it is only the past couple of months with you out of my life and with weekly counseling that I have found peace in my life and am starting to reclaim my life and my strength again. I need you to really understand that and I need you to understand that your dad is willing to completely walk away from you if that's what it takes to protect me and our marriage. I need you to understand that because, if I am able to emotionally open my heart to you again and allow you back into my life, it will be the very last time that I do. It is taking a lot for me to even consider it even now.
So I will tell you what making amends looks like to me and you can decide if you're willing to do what it takes.
What you have done to me and said about me and your dad has been made very public to everyone who would listen for many years, including destroying my character and reputation and because total strangers have shared with me the horrible things you have said about me, I would like to see a very public apology in a way that all of those people can see. The best medium for that would be Facebook. I am tired of defending myself at every turn and that would go a long way in proving your sincerity and desire to start over.
I would also ask that you not request anything from your dad and I in the form of financial assistance, gifts etc. If and when we reach the point where we are willing to help you in that way again, if needs to come from us when we are convinced that your motives are truly about emotional reconciliationand not personal gain on your part.
I know that these requests are going to be difficult for you but they are necessary for me to begin the process of forgiveness.
My4kidsmom