Would you be insulted if BM sends bedding to your home with skids?
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A few years back I got so upset and angry because skids always arrived with pillows and blankets. Looking back, I was the one who turned this into drama because I felt insulted. I have tried since then to look at this as their phobia and don't stress about it anymore. However....this weekend SS15 brought sheets and pillowcases. Our bedding is very good quality, I actually bought better sheets for the skids than DH or I have. Am I wrong to feel, once again, annoyed and insulted? Does anyone have any experience with this? Thanks.
No not at all... saves me
No not at all... saves me from washing the bedding after each visit.. they can take their dirty bedding back to their mum's place...
I totally agree with Acra....
I totally agree with Acra....
Total Passive aggressive is
Total Passive aggressive is my bet on this. BM is getting a dig that your bedding is not clean enough, not good quality etc. Fine, the skids can bring bedding, make the bed up, and return to BM to be washed as others suggested. Less expense and worry for you. Attach a note " please ensure you send blankets as well"
what about the blankets get
}:) }:) what about the blankets get hidden and let BM send new ones.. hell saves allot of money cause you don't have to buy any
I'm thinking the mattress may
I'm thinking the mattress may be lumpy too....
I take blankets with me even
I take blankets with me even on vacation at a hotel. I don't sleep well when not at home and this helps. Maybe it has nothing to do with you at all.
I am the same way. I will not
I am the same way. I will not sleep if I have to touch hotel sheets/comforter. I bring my own stuff. Yes, I am a germaphobe. I also clean the whole room before I touch anything. With skids though it probably has more to do with feeling more at home with their stuff. No matter where I go I like having my own pillow
I also bring my own pillow
I also bring my own pillow everywhere. And I'm sure it's not unusual for kids to want a special blanket. Sheets? I don't know but if it saves me from doing laundry -bonus!
I used to be offended when BM
I used to be offended when BM would send "special" shampoo or toothpaste or whatever with SD12 because we aren't providing the correct items. We would have the exact same product, but because I try to buy in bulk and refill individual bottles it didn't look the same to SD12. But then I realized that I don't give 2 elephant toots about what BM thinks of me. If she wants to spend her money to supply our house, cheers for her. SD12 now knows that her special stuff is the same as what we have, but she still brings toiletries over from BM's house because she likes being able to have a bottle that her brothers can't touch.
I would definitely say that the sheets go back unwashed (assuming the kids take them back). After all, if your sheets aren't good enough for the kiddos to sleep on, then your washing machine must not be good enough either.
Just make sure you have sheet sets available for the kids beds in plain view (public closet, kids' bedroom closet) so that BM can't try to claim that your DH is not providing necessities for the kids. I speak from experience as BM tried to get full custody by claiming that DH was not providing adequately for the kids, specifically all the toiletry items that BM was sending. It didn't get anywhere because we had proof that she was lying about it, but it was nice to be prepared for that.
I still remember our BM in
I still remember our BM in court claiming that DH and I were neglectful. She sent SD boxes of bandages (medical supplies) that were stuck to everything and a 5 pound chocolate bar because we never gave SD treats. The judge laughed her right out the door.
Shoot, let them use their own
Shoot, let them use their own and send it back for BM to wash. It wouldn't be any skin off my nose.
Turn it around from being insulted to relieved.
Skid didn't take them with
Skid didn't take them with him, these were purchased to fit his bed in our home. He has a queen size with us and a twin at hers. No she is either making a statement that DH is not providing good conditions for his son OR a statement that our home is crap. All nonensence either way but DH and I divide and conquer at home, he does the cleaning and me the laundry. I can leave the sheets on the bed to rot off!!
I wonder if it is more her
I wonder if it is more her trying to control the decor in their rooms than thinking you aren't providing them with clean sheets.
The bedding would bother me because I worry about fleas and bed bugs (and lice!!). I would not want the bedding at my house for those reasons, but if she sent them, I'd wash them and then send them back (I'd wash them to prevent pests in my house).
Should she send sheets and
Should she send sheets and blankets? Probably not. Here is why,
Take it for what it's worth ok?
Sending food, dropping off food, dropping by with 'stuff' CAN be viewed by counselors who are tuned into AB/PA as hints of pathogenic parenting.
IF that is all she does maybe she is trying to be nice/???
Remember op, your home and you /dh decide what comes in your home, not anyone else unless ordered by a Judge. DH can say your bedding is not coming into our home the child is well cared for.
Sorry about this...it must be weird to have her things in your home. RUDE of her in my opinion.
I know my thoughts on the
I know my thoughts on the bedding is irrational but it doesn't sit well with me at all. Just a feeling of Yuck....like I said irrational LOL
Even if she means well which is truly not in her DNA, it still makes me feel uncomfortable. And the last thing I want is to feel uncomfortable in my own home. Thanks all for letting me vent and your replies. I will launder the sheets and pillowcases and give them to skids to take back to their mother. If she reacts poorly that's on her. Our house our rules. DH hasn't noticed, he wouldn't know one bed sheet from the next!
What an idiot - lol Take the
What an idiot - lol
Take the sheets, put them on the bed and then strip the bed when the skids leave and return the dirty sheets.
It's a total passive-aggressive PAS move.
I will not allow people to
I will not allow people to bring their own bedding to my house. Absolutely no. Bug infestation or lice etc no thanks. Toiletries are ok. Although if they come over regularly why not just keep some stuff at dads? But that's I can handle. Bedding, no.
She sends nothing ever, so I
She sends nothing ever, so I think I would just fall to the floor in shock. I would probably also just leave the sheets and pillowcases in whatever bag they came in and let them go home in whatever bag they came in. Otherwise, BM in my case would probably accuse me of stealing her sheets. She once send DH a handwritten note demanding he return a pillow that she swore the kids brought to his place (before he and I were married). I asked him if they ever brought a pillow and he told me they hadn't. She would often demand he return things all the time that were just lost in her own messy house. The worst was when she had SS10 call DH crying saying his football gear was at our house, so he couldn't play in the game. BM sent DH a long list of texts saying he had ruined SS's life because he didn't send the gear home. I knew the gear had gone home with him, because I packed up the bag, I put it in the car, and it was no longer in the car after DH came home from dropping the kids off. An hour later, BM sends DH a text "nevermind, we found the football gear." Sounds like your BM was just trying to cause drama and also let her kids know that she thought your bedding wasn't clean. Some BMs spend so much time causing drama that it's a wonder they have time left for anything else in their lives.