Why do I always have to be the "bigger" person whose ONLY responsibility seems to be fixing toxic relationship
Yesterday, my stepdaughter and bio son got into a physical fight. The girl punched my son in the nose caused him a minor nosebleed.
I sent both kids to their rooms as a timeout and I believe the treatment is more than fair to stepdaughter six years old.
As predicted, I received a phone call from evil MIL, she yelled at me and said "You have made my grand daughter feeling unwelcomed in her daddy's house and your son is a man, he should get over it."
My tolerenlece level and endurance are tested everybody by this evil troll. I stop analyzing why she constantly playing favoritism, quite frankly, she favors my stepdaughter is her business, I as a bio mother whose responsibility is to protect my own son and make sure my boy is happy and healthy. I tried to ignore her at all cost. However, flat out telling me how to run my life and how to handle businesses is beyond comprehension. I basically told her to mind her own business and I also told her,
"My son will be a man, but now he is a three years old little boy who has been hit by his six years old half sister. He doesnt deserve to be put on time-out, but I gave him a timeout anyway just to be fair. I didnt do anything wrong."
My husband told me to be the bigger person. I should apologize to my step daughter and MIL. I don't believe I did anything wrong. I cannot believe what I heard.
I am sick and tired of my husband constantly wanting me to be the bigger person who has to fix toxic relationships that are no good for anybody.
I feel like a stranger in my own house. I feel when my husband is acting this way, he is no longer my husband, he is no longer my son's bio father, he becomes somebody else's family. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Resentment is not going away, but getting stronger.
I agree with the above. You
I agree with the above. You did NOTHING WRONG. Therefore you have no reason to apologize. Your home, YOUR BUSINESS! Period!
I'd send DH and SD6 over to
I'd send DH and SD6 over to MIL during her visits. Lol
I would certainly not apologize to MIL or Sd. You punished both children and did nothing wrong. You didn't even owe that hussy an explanation at all of what goes on in your home. If her son wants to make peace, he needs to side with you and teach his Mother to keep her opinions to herself.
If you haven't already, it's time to tell DH that all he's doing is creating a wall of resentment between the two of you and if he doesn't learn to put boundaries on MIL quickly, the wall will be too high to scale.
Your apologizing would not resolve the issue anyway since the issue is her constant butting in and attempting to control what goes on in your home. This is what Men don't get--they think of things 'per incident' and once that incident is resolved, they sit back happily thinking it's all done. What they don't understand is the resentment that's left behind and only gets stronger like you said..building that wall brick by brick. So HE needs to resolve it by setting things right in his house and outside of it.
As for the MIL....
As for the MIL.... pffffffft. I agree with Newwife - "CLICK"
I'd be MORE PISSED at the DH. WTH, expecting YOU to apologize to SD and MIL? I'd be beside myself wanting to punch HIM in the nose (among other places) for that...
ALLLLLLL
ALLLLLLL THAT^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Don't even converse w/ MIL and tell your H to stick it when he says stupid things like he did.
A time out for hitting is
A time out for hitting is totally acceptable.
Tell MIL as soon as her GD stops hitting other kids, she'll stop getting in trouble. }:)
Ditto
Ditto
Apologize? Holy Toledo
Apologize? Holy Toledo Batman that's redulcious. Even if the 3 year old started it that would not be appropriate. You're the adult and you made a parental decision. You were the adult on the scene. EVERYBODY should assume that you did the right thing regardless of what the whining kids may say.
I hope other step-mothers read this - another instance of bringing a new child into a step-parent relationship making the situation only stickier than it already was. Daddy here sounds like he really isn't too hot about having a second family and I certainly would not have more children. Double up on the birth control. The Pill AND condoms. No condom no sex. Lie about taking The Pill if you must - too many cramps etc.
Then try counseling - go alone if you must and try to snare Daddy into joining in a few weeks. If you can't turn him around then you're going to tire of not having anyone at all on your side and will leave.
As for MIL I would be nice and say "Good by" before hanging up on her whenever she starts in on you which seems to be the norm for her. A three old boy is supposed to "man up" when a 6 year old bloodies his nose. If the woman is serious, and it appears she is, she is so prejudiced against your child I would not let the two of them meet again.
My DH's parents have all
My DH's parents have all passed so luckily I do not have this problem, but I agree with B22S22 ... DH is in the wrong here. 6 and 3 are too far apart to be physically fighting without disciplinary consequences. You did the right thing. Also, are you aware timeout should be one minute per year... so technically 6 minutes for the older one and only 3 for the younger... hang in there.
Ask MIL what she would do if
Ask MIL what she would do if you punched your hubby in the nose and made him bleed....should he just "be a man about it"? Of course I'm not saying you should, I'm just wondering how she thinks it's ok for someone to hit your son.
She sounds like a loon, and your husband needs to get off her milk sac and tell her she's insane.
AND, he needs to stop letting his daughter and mommy think that abusing people is fine and dandy.
Personally, I wouldn't have given equal punishment for what happened. Hitting should be made a serious issue. Arguing isn't great, but the putting hands on someone thing needs to be taken REAL serious.
Good luck!
Ignore both of them in this
Ignore both of them in this situation. Your MIL is just nuts. When kids misbehave, they need punishments. I think it is SD who has to apologize to her brother for using violence.
I hate that this world is filled with people who think that by pampering their children they're doing them a favour. How stupid, lazy and incompetent can they be? And then they act hurt and shocked when...ooops.. kids grow up into entitled, possibly violent adults no one wants to be around.
*banging head against desk*
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your wonderful advices and kind words.
Especially to stepaside, you are a gifted writer and I truely appreciate your words.
Thank you ALL!