why did I do this?
I had a great job, my own house and my kids and I were cool, just the four of us. I married for love (mistake #1) and thought that I had finally gotten it right.
At first SD8 was a holy terror but she has actually come around, the stupid tantrums have subsided and she will eat most of what I cook for dinner, her table manners are still gross but I decided it was not a reflection on me, just her parents.
BM's bullshit comes and goes in waves - January was the worst of it and DH finally put in motion the paperwork to modify the decree for some things that would alleviate drama.
For example - neutral drop off and pick up location, alternating holidays (which he gave up in the divorce) parenting coordinator, non-disparagement clause, and a few more minor things that would have put some clarity into the decree.
Guess what - he caved when she did not see all of this as reasonable and refused to agree without a legal battle. BUT, she PROMISED nothing bad will ever happen again and she PROMISED to split holidays with him.
SO....BM continues to run my fucking life when it comes to vacations and holidays. I want out of this god damn mess. I have no idea what made me sign up for this shit a second time.
The best part is the BM
The best part is the BM refuses to take SD to any extra-curricular activities, get her haircut, go to school events, etc. So, not only do we pay CS we pay for all this other stuff that should be done on her time and at her expense. She does. not. work. No excuse for not taking kid to the salon for a mother fucking haircut.
Sounds exactly like our
Sounds exactly like our BM.
She wouldn't even answer the phone when the school called when one of the boys were sick. They would call my DH and then he would call me and DEMAND that I go get them.
She also schedules all dentist and doctor appointments on our time. I refuse to take them anymore, so my DH takes off work to take them.
She moved 35 miles away when she got married last year and wanted us to take youngest SS all Mon-Friday, every week so it would be "easier" on her on her days. She still wanted CS too. I told my DH if he did I would leave.
So, we didn't. But the kid is always late when she takes him.
F'ing worthless, entitled BMs.
Cut her hair yourself. BM
Cut her hair yourself. BM might change her mind.
I feel your pain. Truly. I'm
I feel your pain. Truly. I'm disengaging from my dh as we speak.
He swears he is done with the
He swears he is done with the haircuts. I will believe it when I see it.
We are supposed to go to Italy for 2 weeks this summer and I cannot get excited about it. I am so freaking angry with him, it is ruining everything else.Does that make it my issue or his?
I am totally serious STalkers - do I decide not to be mad, disengage and get on with my life. I could do that but it wont feel much like a marriage and I doubt he would put up with it for long.
I dont want to be divorced again but I dont want my life dictated by BM. I am the same posters whose 2nd husband's skid has been inpatient for having homicidal thoughts. I can really pick a winner can't I?
I feel your pain. I married
I feel your pain. I married for love, or what I thought was love, these days I think it is an illusion, trick of the senses, I just don't know anymore. I too was on my own, no kids though, had it pretty good, but thought my life was incomplete since I was single. I have disengaged when it comes to skid all the way, but I am still unhappy. I am still bitter, still resentful, still cannot stand skid, and still have zero respect for my husband. I try to disengage, stop feeling, stop caring, just accept that he is a dumbass with no spine and somehow try to make it work, but I don't like him. I care for him, but his poor parenting has made me really dislike him and it trickles down into every aspect of our marriage. DH resents me for my "attitude" and even after all we have been thru he still does not get it. I am the bitch. I cant win. Sorry you are in this boat too.
disengage, im in same boat
disengage, im in same boat but its my DH and SD21 i just dont give a fuck anymore. When you truly just dont care anymore you stop feeling hurt.
I am tired of BM dictating
I am tired of BM dictating things too.
The excuse I hear from DH is he has no control, this is not his fault, he has no choices, her lawyers and rich daddy are too powerful.
My stepkids mother has money, they still show up dirty, with rude manners and unkept.
Apparantly she is a clean freak. But her kids are dirty little pigs. I told my husband last night I no longer want to deal with the stress and I don't care about whether they come or not. He is preparing for another round of court battles because their rich blood sucking mother wants more $$$$$$.
Of course he feels unsupported. He feels torn. I feel trapped. As I am sure he does too.
I've got an idea. Lets spend
I've got an idea. Lets spend the next ten years doing what you're doing which are the WORST ten years of SD's life. And some of those little bastds never go away. Have you read the complaints of women whose 25+ year old step-kids are living in the basement, expecting to be fed and cleaned up after with no job and no searching for one?
Look - just go to him and tell him you made a mistake. It's not him, its not his kids, it just isn't working for you and your children. You owe no further explanation.
Rent a place and move out at the end of the month and go back to your normal happy life.