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What to Expect from Blended Family Counselling for Husband and I

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Sat, 01/07/2017 - 3:11pm

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So I'm just wondering what I should expect from a counsellor that specializes in blended families. It's going to be my husband and I going. I'm hoping to accomplish a couple things, first and foremost being my husband to stop feeling as though I'm SD's mother and she's equally our responsibility. For the most part, he's pretty good, but I feel like that's because I do try to treat her as my own. I want him to understand that she isn't my own and I do things for her because I want to. Sometimes I get the feeling he thinks the responsibility of caring for her should be split down the middle and I don't agree.

I'm just wondering what I can expect from a counsellor for blended families. Will they agree with him that once you marry, it's equal responsibility or will they explain that anything I do should be appreciated? Also, when looking for a counsellor, can I ask them their view on these things before going with my husband? I just want to make sure going to a counsellor will help, instead of hinder, any progress with my husband.

Thanks

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Sat, 01/07/2017 - 5:06pm

Agree with sueu2 above. Society in general tends to think that anyone BUT a stepmother knows how to be a stepmother. And, counselors, just like anyone else, can bring their own biases and assumptions to their methods, regardless of how some may think they keep this at bay.

The main thing to watch out for is a counselor that implies you are to mind your own business and keep out of things, yet cook and clean, and coddle and burb SKs. You are not to be a nanny, babysitter and maid in your own household, and controlled by DH, his ex-, or SKs. AND, you are first and foremost your own person and next your husband's wife. Your home is equally you and your husband's home, which you have the right to have a voice in and protect.

I've heard several women say here that their first clue of a bad counselor was something with a specific counselor just didn't feel right or one-sided. Follow your instincts.

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Sat, 01/07/2017 - 5:09pm

Thank you! I am definitely going to interview the counsellor before making an appointment. I mainly want to make sure the counsellor understands that blended families have different dynamics and stepparents aren't equally as responsible for stepkids as bioparents are.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Sat, 01/07/2017 - 6:50pm

We saw a counsellor that specializes in step families in 2013. She had over 17 yrs experience and she was wonderful. She explained how relationships are like an onion..main 2 in the core, and each layer represented kids, parents, families, friends etc. Each layer was a boundary not to be crossed. Onion stays whole as long as main centre was secure. Problems occur when one layer crosses over.eg kid trying to be in the core of the relationship..it helped SO understand his disney stance with SD who believed only her and her Dad should be in the core. Helped me understand too.

Counsellors with no real blended exp will give advice based on intact families, I reckon.