Should Adult stepson's (ages 20 and 21) be allowed to wash their vehicles weekly (at will) at your house (using all your cleaning supplies, towels, water, etc)?
I wouldn't have a problem with it, but my stepkids (19&20) live at my house. I guess if they were making a huge mess and not cleaning up after themselves and leaving the water running it would be a different story.
I think it depends on the situation. When my brother was 19 and moved out of our family home, he came home every weekend for years and regularly did things like that.
If he were abusing the priveledge and not cleaning up after himself like SanAntonio said above, I'm sure my parents would have said something.
Yep - because water and my supplies are not free, I bought them for my own use, not my ADULT offspring's and seriously, it's $5 at a local car wash. Quit mooching my shit.
Why would that matter? Plus Dads always have better car wash stuff. My husband has a whole cabinet full of car wash crap that the boys use. Wipes, detergents, etc
Exactly.....I am very fussy about my car and I buy all top of the line car care items and that stuff is NOT cheap. Plus then every time they come over that means a load of their dirty car towels that I need to wash (which is another cycle on the washing machine). This all adds up. Just another issue where they come over "use / take" and then leave with no consequences and/or responsibilities on their end. P.S. OF COURSE, this will mean that they also come in and eat/drink whatever they want as well while washing their vehicles.
Well they may be legal adults but they are still the children of her husband. I cannot imagine having an issue with any of my kids using towels and buckets nor can I imagine telling my husband his kids couldn't come over and use my towels or buckets...but that is just me.
I guess because I was basically on my own at age 17, but paying for things much sooner, I'm of the school of thought that if you can do it yourself and not rely on other people, it's MUCH more satisfying.
I also don't believe in mooching stuff off my parents when I'm more than capable of providing it myself.
I understand your point. I was the same way. My parents were gone when I was 16, and I was left with a little sister to look out for.
Earning and doing for yourself IS very gratifying; but I don't think that most people would begrudge their kids a handful of supplies and hose access to wash their cars if they are otherwise self-sufficient and successful.
For my parents, it was more about having my brother around to visit and spending time washing cars and doing that routine family stuff together. It was more about fun and quality time than the cost of the supplies, know what I mean?
I just don't think that's the case here .. and this OP needs to set some boundaries if she's not happy with it happening.
I was also on my own at age 18/two weeks after high school graduation as was my husband. My husband put himself thru college and medical school and I paid 100% of my education as well. I have learned over the years that not all kids are created equal and most cannot make it on their own at 18 without some sort of help from someone. My husband does not want his kids to struggle like he did. We have disagreed on some stuff, but at the end of the day they are his children and he pays the bills. They are good kids though so I have no real complaints.
Good deal. I congratulate you and your husband for doing as you did.
To me, paying $5 at the car wash isn't "struggling" per se but if they're not taking advantage of their parents and their parents don't mind, fine.
I wouldn't mind if DD15 (as an adult) did so as long as she wasn't taking advantage either. But SD, well, she's a different story because she just feels entitled.
Call me weird but that was a family activity at my dad's house... We would spend a whole day washing, vacuuming and detailing the vehicles. Always on dad's dime. I'm 23 now and still welcome to wash my house at his car. When I was there the other weekend for him to do some repairs on my car I grabbed the Armor All and started cleaning my interior.
Not that is how it is at my house too, the kids get their cars and my husband gets his and my little pulls out the shop vac. They have music going and it takes HOURS for them to wash and detail their cars. They love it. I won't do it, but they will
I think it's clear that the OP is upset about the skids coming over to wash their cars and using her/DH's stuff.
If she has an issue with it, she needs to talk to her DH and set some boundaries. But asking whether or not this should be allowed is completely situational. I can't imagine NOT allowing my skids to drop by and wash their cars (granted, they're no where close to driving age yet).
I know in my house growing up, my parents were generally home bodies. They enjoyed having people stop by and visit. With 5 kids, they were accustomed to people coming and going. They enjoyed having my brother hang around some days and do even routine things. The cost of car wash supplies and water wasn't significant or important.
I agree, well said. I expect my "kiddults" to still need things from home. They come home and get snacks on the weekends. They take bath linens and sheets, I really don't care. But they don't abuse our generosity either.
Yeah I hear you. It's not so much about them being incapable of doing these things or buying that stuff themselves, it's just nice to have them around and still be able to provide for them to help out. I think, in general, parents like to help their kids.
I think DH and I are on this same page, but that may change. Who knows what the years ahead hold for us and those skids
The 20 and 21 years olds do not live with us. The car washing I suppose I should say is another example of them coming over and taking. They come over every single day so them washing cars at our house routinely is not like what some of the posts above are representing (all flowers and hearts and cozy "family" time). If they need a band aid, instead of driving to Walmart they drive to our house and take them. If they need Neosporin, they drive to our house to get it. If they need windshield washer fluid they drive to our house and take it. If they need spray paint, they drive to our house and take it. They have driven to our house to take shaving razors from my husband's stash. So the washing the cars at our house is NOT a "family event" as SanAntonioSoccerMom keeps writing. Further, FYI, the water rates in our area just rose 17%!
Then it seems you already know the answer to your original OP question.
Kids shouldn't be allowed to excessively free-load and take advantage of a parent's home if the parents are not okay with it.
Only you know what your situation is. And only you can change it. Change the locks, change the key codes, or lock away the items you don't want them using/taking. Have a serious conversation with DH about how this is making you feel.
What's his stance been on all of this up to this point?
I live in a high rise condo where I cannot wash my car. I take it to the car wash but I wish I had a place to do it by hand as it gets it so much cleaner.
But if I did have a place where I could use the water I'd bring all of my own supplies and then take a little something - like cookies every once in awhile or take them out for a meal.
I guess it depends on whether its a hand up or a handout. I have no problems with giving a helping hand but will not encourage freeloading with handouts
Oh good now I don't feel like a raving bitch from hell. My BS24 moved out last year. He comes over almost EVERY DAY to use the bathroom and kill time until his next appointment. He's a salesman. He'll make himself a sandwich, lay in the guest room, watch tv, take a nap. I actually cursed him out the last time he came over and he hasn't been back since.
I HATE people mooching off me & DH. He is MY son and it STILL bothers me. Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit! Go to your own house!
Should they NOT be allowed
Should they NOT be allowed to?
I wouldn't have a problem with it, but my stepkids (19&20) live at my house. I guess if they were making a huge mess and not cleaning up after themselves and leaving the water running it would be a different story.
I think it depends on the
I think it depends on the situation. When my brother was 19 and moved out of our family home, he came home every weekend for years and regularly did things like that.
If he were abusing the priveledge and not cleaning up after himself like SanAntonio said above, I'm sure my parents would have said something.
Nope! Why can't they take
Nope! Why can't they take them to their local car wash? Even IF they live with you, it's only a couple of bucks to do it at a car wash.
Nope! Why can't they take
Nope! Why can't they take them to their local car wash?
*************
Why can't they wash them at home? Is there a reason why you wouldn't want them to do it at home?
Water isn't free and if they
Water isn't free and if they wash them often, that would make a higher bill for OP.
I think that is a reaching
I think that is a reaching for reasons.
Yep - because water and my
Yep - because water and my supplies are not free, I bought them for my own use, not my ADULT offspring's and seriously, it's $5 at a local car wash. Quit mooching my shit.
Exactly.
Exactly.
They don't live with us.
They don't live with us.
Why would that matter? Plus
Why would that matter? Plus Dads always have better car wash stuff. My husband has a whole cabinet full of car wash crap that the boys use. Wipes, detergents, etc
I think OP's point is they're
I think OP's point is they're ADULTS and can buy stuff for themselves, why must they come over to dad's place every weekend and use all his stuff?
Exactly.....I am very fussy
Exactly.....I am very fussy about my car and I buy all top of the line car care items and that stuff is NOT cheap. Plus then every time they come over that means a load of their dirty car towels that I need to wash (which is another cycle on the washing machine). This all adds up. Just another issue where they come over "use / take" and then leave with no consequences and/or responsibilities on their end. P.S. OF COURSE, this will mean that they also come in and eat/drink whatever they want as well while washing their vehicles.
Well they may be legal adults
Well they may be legal adults but they are still the children of her husband. I cannot imagine having an issue with any of my kids using towels and buckets nor can I imagine telling my husband his kids couldn't come over and use my towels or buckets...but that is just me.
I guess because I was
I guess because I was basically on my own at age 17, but paying for things much sooner, I'm of the school of thought that if you can do it yourself and not rely on other people, it's MUCH more satisfying.
I also don't believe in mooching stuff off my parents when I'm more than capable of providing it myself.
I understand your point. I
I understand your point. I was the same way. My parents were gone when I was 16, and I was left with a little sister to look out for.
Earning and doing for yourself IS very gratifying; but I don't think that most people would begrudge their kids a handful of supplies and hose access to wash their cars if they are otherwise self-sufficient and successful.
For my parents, it was more about having my brother around to visit and spending time washing cars and doing that routine family stuff together. It was more about fun and quality time than the cost of the supplies, know what I mean?
I just don't think that's the case here .. and this OP needs to set some boundaries if she's not happy with it happening.
^^^Exactly!
^^^Exactly!
I was also on my own at age
I was also on my own at age 18/two weeks after high school graduation as was my husband. My husband put himself thru college and medical school and I paid 100% of my education as well. I have learned over the years that not all kids are created equal and most cannot make it on their own at 18 without some sort of help from someone. My husband does not want his kids to struggle like he did. We have disagreed on some stuff, but at the end of the day they are his children and he pays the bills. They are good kids though so I have no real complaints.
Good deal. I congratulate
Good deal. I congratulate you and your husband for doing as you did.
To me, paying $5 at the car wash isn't "struggling" per se but if they're not taking advantage of their parents and their parents don't mind, fine.
I wouldn't mind if DD15 (as an adult) did so as long as she wasn't taking advantage either. But SD, well, she's a different story because she just feels entitled.
Call me weird but that was a
Call me weird but that was a family activity at my dad's house... We would spend a whole day washing, vacuuming and detailing the vehicles. Always on dad's dime. I'm 23 now and still welcome to wash my house at his car. When I was there the other weekend for him to do some repairs on my car I grabbed the Armor All and started cleaning my interior.
Not that is how it is at my
Not that is how it is at my house too, the kids get their cars and my husband gets his and my little pulls out the shop vac. They have music going and it takes HOURS for them to wash and detail their cars. They love it. I won't do it, but they will
I think it's clear that the
I think it's clear that the OP is upset about the skids coming over to wash their cars and using her/DH's stuff.
If she has an issue with it, she needs to talk to her DH and set some boundaries. But asking whether or not this should be allowed is completely situational. I can't imagine NOT allowing my skids to drop by and wash their cars (granted, they're no where close to driving age yet).
I know in my house growing up, my parents were generally home bodies. They enjoyed having people stop by and visit. With 5 kids, they were accustomed to people coming and going. They enjoyed having my brother hang around some days and do even routine things. The cost of car wash supplies and water wasn't significant or important.
I agree, well said. I expect
I agree, well said. I expect my "kiddults" to still need things from home. They come home and get snacks on the weekends. They take bath linens and sheets, I really don't care. But they don't abuse our generosity either.
Yeah I hear you. It's not so
Yeah I hear you. It's not so much about them being incapable of doing these things or buying that stuff themselves, it's just nice to have them around and still be able to provide for them to help out. I think, in general, parents like to help their kids.
I think DH and I are on this same page, but that may change. Who knows what the years ahead hold for us and those skids
"kiddults" - good term for
"kiddults" - good term for them!
The 20 and 21 years olds do
The 20 and 21 years olds do not live with us. The car washing I suppose I should say is another example of them coming over and taking. They come over every single day so them washing cars at our house routinely is not like what some of the posts above are representing (all flowers and hearts and cozy "family" time). If they need a band aid, instead of driving to Walmart they drive to our house and take them. If they need Neosporin, they drive to our house to get it. If they need windshield washer fluid they drive to our house and take it. If they need spray paint, they drive to our house and take it. They have driven to our house to take shaving razors from my husband's stash. So the washing the cars at our house is NOT a "family event" as SanAntonioSoccerMom keeps writing. Further, FYI, the water rates in our area just rose 17%!
See, this is why they
See, this is why they shouldn't be allowed free access to your home and items within it. They're clearly taking advantage
Then it seems you already
Then it seems you already know the answer to your original OP question.
Kids shouldn't be allowed to excessively free-load and take advantage of a parent's home if the parents are not okay with it.
Only you know what your situation is. And only you can change it. Change the locks, change the key codes, or lock away the items you don't want them using/taking. Have a serious conversation with DH about how this is making you feel.
What's his stance been on all of this up to this point?
I live in a high rise condo
I live in a high rise condo where I cannot wash my car. I take it to the car wash but I wish I had a place to do it by hand as it gets it so much cleaner.
But if I did have a place where I could use the water I'd bring all of my own supplies and then take a little something - like cookies every once in awhile or take them out for a meal.
I guess it depends on whether
I guess it depends on whether its a hand up or a handout. I have no problems with giving a helping hand but will not encourage freeloading with handouts
Oh good now I don't feel like
Oh good now I don't feel like a raving bitch from hell. My BS24 moved out last year. He comes over almost EVERY DAY to use the bathroom and kill time until his next appointment. He's a salesman. He'll make himself a sandwich, lay in the guest room, watch tv, take a nap. I actually cursed him out the last time he came over and he hasn't been back since.
I HATE people mooching off me & DH. He is MY son and it STILL bothers me. Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit! Go to your own house!
LMAO - just may be her ticket
LMAO - just may be her ticket to freedom eh?