Vacation with skids??
I just got back from spring break with "the family" aka my BD, my fiance and the two skids. SD16 probably has an eating disorder although BM is convinced its ulcerative colitis and is taking her for tests. She only eats a tiny amount of protein (eggs or chicken) and then an hour later whining and screaming for us to go in and eat again when we are all full because we ate a normal meal. Our trip was hijacked by her hunger/trots. Maybe the kid has UC, they get the results of the tests on Monday. But even if she does, I cannot stand the attention seeking any longer.I have gone on vacation as a "family" for five years now and each time I say never again.........but this time nasty BM accused me of being mean and horrible to SD16 and threatened me not to come near the hospital when she is having the tests. I tried to get SD to eat a bland diet to stop the issue and mothered her with sympathy and immodium the entire weekend. Her rib cage is visible and she is horribly thin, insisting she is fat. I am done with all this Wicked Step Mother crap. To be fair, I am sure my dislike of the kid is on my face although I do try, I really do but my patience wears thin.
Do you all go on vacation and just put up with the skids, grin and bare it or do you tell your DH why you dont want to go? He adores his kids, they can do no wrong and Princess is a Daddy's girl for sure. The reason I go along is because my own daughter enjoys the trips and this is her only family as my first hubby died when she was four. But I just think this time I will flip out and murder someone }:)
Vacation with the skids? Hell
Vacation with the skids? Hell no! That is all
SO and I have combined
SO and I have combined finances. Like I said, I'm in school--I bring in some income, but not much, so he works full-time and most of our expenses are covered by his paycheck. If there's something expensive I really want (e.g., our own room at Disney so SD isn't sleeping 3 feet from me), I feel it's on me to work for it--what am I supposed to do, ask him to take a second job?
With the beach trip this year, I could very well have not saved us money by bringing her to school each day. But then we'd have to find the money for the trip elsewhere, which would mean de-prioritizing something in our budget (and frankly, we live so cheaply there is little to de-prioritize). I don't benefit from the beach trip, but I do benefit from saving us money in this way so we don't have to find an extra $600 over the summer. Like I said, I do also consider it a favor to SO. I know he wants to do things like this for his kid, and as his partner, I like making things possible for him--just as he does for me.
Next year, though, I'll have finished school and will (hopefully!) have a "real" job with a bigger salary. We'll just allocate some of that for their vacation so that when it comes time, I don't have to do any extra labor.
Whaaaat? Lord, no.
Whaaaat? Lord, no.
I hate to disapoint DH
I hate to disapoint DH because he loves the family trips, the first few years were easier but now they are teens and I dont think I can take another one (without alcohol ha ha). SD16 is a clone of her mother, who is a paleo diet believer, gym rat. Now I am fine with people looking after themselves but SD16 doesnt eat the true paleo diet (I looked it up) so she is not getting nutrition from fruit and veg. I dont care what she eats to be honest but DH gives in to her tantrums and fits when she cannot get a hold of this diet shit at normal restaurants. And no way am I cooking the entire time on my vacation. Thats why its called a vacation! Plus now when we cook she yells "foul play" at the sign of a piece of bread.....god forbid the carbs would reach her lips.
Not in about 17 zillion years
Not in about 17 zillion years would I go on vacation with the skid. That's like an oxymoron, vacation and skid in the same sentence.
Not. Ever.
So true right?
So true right?
Mine are older, so it hasn't
Mine are older, so it hasn't really been an issue. I did take the youngest on vacation once, primarily to babysit our younger bios. }:)
As to how I don't take vacations with them, it's pretty easy on my end. I make considerably more than my DH, so in general I pay for trips. *shrug* I just don't pay for the skids. DH tells them "we" can't afford to take them with us and that's pretty much the end of that!
Yes, we take a vacation every
Yes, we take a vacation every year with the skids. They are 7 and STB9; so not the bratty teens you deal with yet.
This year DH is taking them on his own since I will be having a baby early July and don't particularly want to travel. We are taking a week long "baby moon" (just the two of us) in April while skids are with BM for Spring Break. Can't wait!
If it weren't for my bio
If it weren't for my bio sons, I would refuse to go on vacation. Every year my skids ruin it. Even though they are now 21 and 17, they've never understood the cost of anything (thanks to BM making them think credit is the way to go) They had to have everything bought for them and we constantly had to run run run...shopping every day..blah blah. We go camping because the price is better for us than hotels...they complain about camping. At first we used to let them call BM (actually she insisted that DH let them call..blah blah) and when they'd call her, she'd go on and on and on about what she bought them while they were gone, and since they're so materialistic, they'd want us to cut the trip short so they could go home and see what BM bought. OSD no longer is allowed with us, we told her to get a life, she's too old to go unless she wants to pay for her share of things. I really wish YSD no longer wanted to go...last year we spent all of our money doing what she wanted and if we weren't out running around, she'd sit and pout. 2 years ago we were able to go without the skids and it was wonderful. My bio sons behaved and we even came home with extra money. But no, if I had no bio kids-I wouldn't take a family vacation.
Thank you!!! My youngest bio
Thank you!!! My youngest bio is now 18 and in college and I have no reason to take this "family" trip anymore. Torture more like.
2yrs ago we went on a weeks
2yrs ago we went on a weeks holiday which wasnt actually that bad. Last year we had a 2 week holiday... living hell!!
When we came back my SO was all for booking this years. I told him i will never go on holiday again with his kids.
I booked a holiday for my daughter and I and i have also booked a weeks holiday for myself and SO. Thats it. Never going with his skids.
I've done multiple trips but
I've done multiple trips but before we leave I've set the ground rules. And we invited the girl friend of the two eldest which helps them to behave.
- This is my holiday. I've paid for it so my rules.
- No arguing in my presence. If you want to be disagreable you go outside to the beach or ski slopes depending on destination. This rule gets reinforced verbally when we get to the destination.
Saying all of that the skids are polite so they don't whine too much.
My problem is that they won't go and do stuff on their own.
Seriously, one time we went to the beach where my dad lives. We weren't staying with him but had some meals planned. I offered the skids and GFs $$$ for an evening out but they turned down the cash to go out with my Dad. Weird. When I was their age I would have taken the money and run.
Great idea to take separate
Great idea to take separate vacations. My own bio daughter is now 18 and in college and she is my youngest, I tolerated these trips for her sake and her sake alone. I cannot do it anymore and thank you for all your feedback, its much appreciated.......I dont feel so mean or evil now by saying No I just cant see this as my vacation. He can go with them himself if he wants to put up with the bad behavior. We also get the BM phoning with promises of "she bought this for them, she bought that for them". And then they complain to her that they were bored the whole time. We have literally taken them to Colorado, Florida beach, Ireland for crying out loud. They tell her what she wants to hear....that they were miserable and bored. Oh and of course blame me for it all. :jawdrop:
I've been on two longer
I've been on two longer vacations with SDs. One to visit my family which as a lot of fun. The next trip a few months later was exhausting. Told DP after second trip no more vacations to new places longer than 3 days/nights until SDs are eating better (no searching for a place to eat that SDs will deign to eat in), are better behaved, and we don't have to watch all the time. Stuck to that this past year.
I've refused to take them on several shorter vacations due to attitude.
We have a spring break trip to see my family again coming up next month and ground rules with DP have been agreed on and will be relayed to SDs before we leave.
Use caution with vacations. Even the planning can be ridiculous.
SS goes on holiday with his
SS goes on holiday with his BM and MIL, not us. I tried it once. Never again and as I pay for the holidays I schedule them when we do not have SS. Not the child's fault but 3 other people have their holiday ruined if he comes with.
We went camping in the UK for
We went camping in the UK for a week last year as we thought a UK one would be better as a first holiday...We camped...with the Inlaws. Jeez, I went for a daily walk every day to rid my head of how needy the kids were and the in laws saying yes to everything the skids said. The skids are needy so I thought the holiday would make it better...nope made them bloody worse.
When we come back from honeymoon this year we are booking a 7 night holiday in Europe somewhere, some beach thing. I will never pay for the boys or my partner, I will contribute for my part but that's it.
Well I told DH this morning
Well I told DH this morning that I do want want to book a two week vacation this year, my BD is over 18 and in college, of course she would love to go but I am teaching her to be self sufficient and she needs to work in the summer months. I told DH that I just cannot face two whole weeks of what I just went through on spring break. He refuses to address their bad behavior because "I only see them 40% of the time" basically he wants to be a disney dad. I told him that is HIS choice and I am fine with that. And that I also have a choice and my choice is to NOT spend that length of time with them because of his decision. He is in a sulk, not talking to me. This will go on for 2-3 days but I feel FREE for having said my piece and am sticking to my decision.
I suggested he go with his kids for a week and he and I can go somewhere together for a week.
we dont take SD14 anywhere.
we dont take SD14 anywhere. she doesnt deserve it for one, wont get on a plane for second, and for thirds we dont trust her and her mother to produce her for the scheduled vacation (this kid refuses visits all the time, with mom's blessing), and we are NOT gonna spend un-refundable money.
Sorry, but I believe that the
Sorry, but I believe that the second you add children to a vacation, it ceases to be a vacation.
BM and the StepDad over on that side are complete asshats every time DH and I go on vacation - "Whaaa why don't you take the skids?!?!?! OMG that's so horrible that the skids don't get to go!!!" Sorry toots, but when I am paying thousands of dollars that I worked hard for to relax in the Caribbean for a week, I am NOT taking YOUR children along.
I have argued time and time again - what the hell do kids need a vacation from? The rigors of recess? Is arts and crafts class too stressful? Did the latest episode of Sponge Bob depress you? Sure, kids need to experience things. I get that. That's why they are on field trips via school every week. They go to the zoo, to the water park, to the museums, to the farms - they experience a hell of a lot more than I did when I was that young. But nope. No way. I am not paying a dime towards taking them on an extravagant vacation.
DH started a bunch of crap this past year with wanting to take them to Disney. Firstly, they already went to Disney a few years back. I told DH I could contribute money towards the trip, with a few conditions. One, why don't you not spend the $1200 you do every Xmas to buy them toys that they don't even open, and put that money towards the trip? Two, I will NOT travel to a big park like that until BOTH your children are able to ride ALL the rides there. SS7 is still in 'Kiddie Land' at our local amusement park. I refuse to pay a ton of money to travel to Florida and miss out on all that coaster/ride opportunity because your wussie kids will be afraid to get on anything. And DH won't be able to ride with me because he'll have to stay with them. So . . needless to say . . no Florida vacation with us for the skids this year.
I am more than happy to take a short weekend camping trip or something similar with them. But spend big money? Nope.
I also would dread sharing a room with them. I don't want woken up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning. That right there would ruin any chance of calling it a "vacation".
DH and I went to the beach
DH and I went to the beach with the two SDs in 2011. They were 16 and 9 at the time. The entire vacation was work. Surprisingly, SDthen16 was pretty well behaved but SDthen9 was a pain in the ass. We had some strangely cool, breezy weather the last 3 or 4 days of the week and the skids were miserable. I love karma! I sat there on the beach in a sweatshirt, overcast skies and took a nap!
Last summer, SDthen12 had started pulling some pretty bad shit at home. She had started her cycles, stopped doing her chores and....the straw that broke the camel's back -- she started faking her showers. Came out with dry hair and a towel wrapped around herself. This was early July. I found this site here and disengaged from the SDs as best as I could. DH was so pissed at SD12 for the shit she pulled that he said maybe we weren't going to the beach. He thought I had made reservations, but I hadn't. }:) I wasn't planning on going anyway, after 2011 being such a joke!
Next thing I know, SDthen18 starts crying, literally CRYING, that she has to have her beach time! She had just gone to the beach in June with her GFs FFS! This was days before SD18's 19th birthday. I had DH call and make reservations for THREE PEOPLE a few days before they decided to go. These skids are so fucking stupid.
Fast forward to right now, this weekend. I've been in a hotel since Friday after work, and I won't be home until Monday after work. If you've read my posts about SD19 and her hedgehog, you'll understand! (Click on my Bookmarks and have a good laugh). This hotel stay is my first "vacation" since 2011.
I have been nowhere on vacation in ages. I would rather be somewhere quiet and with my dogs. I'm hoping the skids vacation again this summer. Without me!
~ Moon