Undermined by mother in law
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When I try to parent and enforce rules I’m constantly undermined by my mother in law.. she is overly involved anyways. She calls my husband 6-8 times a day even late at night when we are in bed together just to chit chat. To make matters worse he works for her. She stops by 3-5 times a week. She is always saying he is too hard on his son and he needs to let his son figure things out for himself. This is so annoying. She doesn’t believe in discipline either and seems content that her grandchild is even rude to her at times. She also seems happy to run around catering to her grandson and sons every need.
I have a Very nosey and
I have a Very nosey and controlling MIL too... We live with her right now... Best solution I've found so far... I've made it Very clear to DH what I do and do not find acceptable. Pretending everything is okay does nothing but lure everyone else into the sense that it is okay...
I also avoid contact whenever possible. If she talks to me, then I talk back, but I don't really go out of my way to be available for her conversations..
When it comes to the Skids, I make sure that I have a clear set of rules and I'm not shy about enforcing those. If they're being disrespectful I give the girls a warning and the shape up, because they KNOW I follow through with my cponsequences and I expect them to uphold the rules no matter who it's with.
Biggest thing: You need to have a heart to heart with your DH. If you two can't get on the same page then it's going to be near impossible to actually find a solution for. Show yourselves as a united front.
Hang in there. My MIL once gave me a lecture on why a "family" picture of DH, BM, and the girls should be hung in our house when we get our own... I about bit her dang head off.
I would not be able to handle
I would not be able to handle this. Good thing MIL stays out of our business. I love her to death maybe thats why.
Does DH even see how controlling she is?
I don’t think he realizes how
I don’t think he realizes how controlling she is. He even works for her at her company. His sister is 40 and still lives at home and wonders why she can’t meet a man who will stick around. The mother is overbearing and too involved. She is a nice lady but just too much.
I don’t think he realizes how
I don’t think he realizes how controlling she is. He even works for her at her company. His sister is 40 and still lives at home and wonders why she can’t meet a man who will stick around. The mother is overbearing and too involved. She is a nice lady but just too much.
Get your H into marriage
Get your H into marriage counselling, stat. He needs to learn how to establish boundaries with his mother.
Wasn't there a poster who's
Wasn't there a poster who's husband worked for his dad and it all went to heck? Your DH needs to find another job or you guys will always be under mother bounty's thumb.
YOu have a DH problem....
YOu have a DH problem.... deal with that nd sort that out before you tackle the rest.
MIL can't come and go as she please, it's not her house, when she does visit she needs to follow the house rules, I give a crap about her age, not her house not her say.
DH needs to enforce some healthy boundaries
She does call before she
She does call before she comes over she just comes over a lot. Also whenever there is conflict within our marriage or with the kids my husband runs to her. She also calls the house a lot everyday including late at night and is in everyones business. Like I said her 40 year old daughter lives at home and wonders why she cant find a man who will marry her. You think she would encourage her kids to have independent lives. My husband once confessed to me the reason he married his ex and had children with her was because of his mom. Weird.
You still have a DH problem,
You still have a DH problem, he can tell his Mummy, stop calling after 9pm....
When she calls to tell you she's coming over, you have the right to say, sorry not now we are busy, DH can tell her this...
Stop allowing this woman to live your life for you....
That is crazy! Calls him
That is crazy! Calls him before bed...omg really? 6 times a DAY?
I am still in shock(simply bc I thought my MIL was bad lol)
What happens if he tells her no/does not answer?
MIL might think that if she pesters him he might go back to the ex(whom she likes)
I would answer next time and say he is busy.. She already does not prefer you- this gives you freedom to do what you want!
The first problem to fix is
The first problem to fix is DH running to his mommy when there is a conflict in your marriage or family. This will destroy your marriage.
He should talk to you. Or seek an outside counselor. Not his mom.
Address this issue first then go from there.
If you also do this with your mom or close mutual friends then stop.
Work out the problems in the marriage or with professional help.
Good luck.
I do not do this with my mom.
I do not do this with my mom. I haven’t been close with my mom in over a decade. We don’t have that kind of relationship so maybe I don’t understand what it’s like to have a close relationship to a parent. It just seems his mother is a little too overly involved. He works for her at the company she’s the head director at, she calls between 6-12 times a day, even late at night, just to chat or talk about what’s on tv or whatever, she stops by 3-5 times a week and seems to enjoy coddling her precious grandkids who can never do no wrong. The only thing Is she admitted to me once her son has an anger problem and she told me he needs to cool it. I’ve also seen him go off on her before, like flip out over something stupid.