Tough call .. but first and foremost, I would stop snooping in his emails. Nothing good will come of that.

Maybe talk to him about it. You're his wife and you want to support him. But you can't do that effectively if you're "in the know" with all the crazy she spews. I struggle with this very issue with DH and BM too. I don't want to know all the BS she spews; but I DO want DH to know that he can come to me if he needs anything. I've found over time that he doesn't "need" me to hold his hand through it .. he gets pissed off sometimes and I listen to his vents, but he manages it all pretty well on his own.

I think our BM's could be related in some way. Ugh. The only advice I can give you is to be honest, tell him you saw the emails and although you realize you had asked to be kept out of the loop it directly involves you when she is telling him to ask you for money and go from there.

Otherwise if you simply bring her up and ask him I have a feeling he will just shrug it off and tell you everything is good because he knows you have voiced before that you don't like to hear about it. You may want to re-think that approach. I have also tried that and I have come to learn that regardless of how I feel, my bf still needs someone to vent to about her and her craziness and it doesn't sound like you are in a much more different situation than me.

Good luck, either way.

I guess I am different. I am a snooper. DH knows this. It is the only way I used to find out most things regarding BM and SS. We are married, so it should all be an open book.

I would never tell DH to not tell me about issues concerning BM. I did however end up having to tell him that he needs to change the way he deals with her so that there is less drama. Once he changed his attitude and how he dealt with crazy, a lot of the contact stopped.

He stopped listening to her about personal things, he stopped feeding into her tantrums. He stopped a lot of things and it made it so much better.

I suggest just to tell him that you want back into the loop and want to support him.

Beth…your DH would concern me. Sorry.

Wow, I'm just so glad I don't have to snoop. DH and I have the most open and honest relationship and after living with a total liar for 8 yrs, I wouldn't have it any other way. If I want to know something, I simply ask DH and he shows me emails, texts, whatever. I wish everyone's relationship was like ours. It's damn near perfect and I'm shocked that I can say that after what I'd been through prior but it sure does feel good!

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'd bring it up to him. If he has nothing to hide, there's no reason why he'd get mad at you for looking at his emails, right? Just let him know that you want to help him deal with the crazy bitch and if he wants you to stay out of it, I'm sure he'll tell you.

Good luck. That's a difficult position to be in, but the more open and honest you are with him, I believe, the better your marriage will be!

~Mel

My Fiance and I have a completely different way of handling BM than most. She is a gold-digging, shit starting skank, so when I came into the picture and saw what I was getting into I had to step up and talk with him about it. I am a BM also. So I know how this all works. Thankfully, my sons father is not involved in his life and I very rarely need to have contact with him unless it involves CS.

I offered to take care of the whole BM bs simply because this bitch is a controlling, manipulative c*** and she KNOWS how to push his buttons and because she does, there have been MANY instances of her causing drama for him in their past years together. LONG STORY.

So, I offered to deal with her and the skid bs. He put me on his cell phone plan, we texted BM MY cell number and she thinks it is my Fiance's new number. She has no idea that all of her texts/calls go straight to my cell. I have WAY more self control with crazy bitches like her than he does. So unless a text is KID RELATED it gets IGNORED. PERIOD. If she calls, she gets the voicemail. If its important she will leave a msg, if not, OH FUCKING WELL!!! My Fiance has NO CONTACT with his XW at all, unless they are waiting for kid to drop off &pick up, but they do not talk at all!!! So she cant control, manipulate, harass, cause drama, etc. for/to him any longer!!! My Fiance was thrilled for me to handle this bitch and all of her drama bs!!! She gets stopped right in her fucking tracks EVERY DAMN TIME!!! I refuse to put up with her shit...I fwd all texts to my Fiance and he will tell me what he wants to say or he will tell me to take care of it.

There have been 1 or 2 slip ups but nothing major that outted how we handle BM. Even if she did find out, my Fiance doesnt care!!! He will simply tell her that if she wants to contact him it goes thru me because he is DONE with her controlling and bs ways!!!

Also, my Fiance and I have no problem with eachother looking at the other persons texts, emails, knowing passwords to our FB accts, etc. we are very open, honest, and communicate very well about everything with eachother. I am very blessed and I am grateful for that. The BM/skid situation will always suck...because having them in the picture just sucks in general BUT it is possible to have a handle on it.

There is hope ladies!!!

He's handling her without support from you. Stay out of it and his emails you're only going to drive yourself crazy. Better to remain blissfully ignorant. Just think of it as his job while at home. He mows the lawn. You cook. He screens whaco ex wife. You shop for food or whatever.