stepparent alienation
I am wondering if anyone has done any research on this. I really feel that this is what has happened in my case. I was a custodial sm for 7 and half years-between the ages of 2 and 9-and the early years were pretty good. I ended up being his primary caretaker as my dh was in Iraq and he also worked out of town frequently (not an ideal situation I know)-well bm had eow visits and she obviously set about making a big hate campaign against me-not really dh although I am sure he got a few comments. At about age 9-ss's behavior got really out of control-threatening to kill my son, stealing my panties, all sorts of crazy stuff. He also started telling me that he hated me. Not in a fit of anger, but very calmly and bluntly. It could be while we were watching tv or having supper. He did not have any reason for hating me-he just said he started around age 6 and has ever since. He is 12 now and continues to not like me. He moved out at 9 because dh was deployed to Iraq and he remains active duty. But there is no possible way this child could come back to our home. He wears his dislike for me like a suit of armor. Here over the last 6 months or so-his dislike has really been extended to my children and he is blatantly telling them he doesnt like to be around them and that he does not wish to visit our home. He says that our home is "nasty". (which its not). And so while the alienation has been directed at me-not dh-it has ended up alienating him as well-becoz ss no longer wants to visit and rejects everything about our family and home-except for dh. Just wondering if anyone else had experienced this situation.
The severe acting out
The severe acting out behavior stopped after he moved out. Now he is just generally unpleasant and makes sure we all know that he doesn't like us.
I would have to move out to
I would have to move out to be anymore disengaged than I already am. And of course there is a thing such as stepparent alienation-alienation can occur between any people-parents, steps, kids, siblings, coworkers. Parents dont have the market on alientation.
This is alienation at its
This is alienation at its best. My SS7 tells my husband and I that he has to pretend to not like me when he is with his mother or she will be mean to him. If he says something to her like "mommy that's not nice" when she talks bad about me in front of him she tells him to "shut up" and "won't take him anywhere fun or buy him any toys". It is very sad and I can only hope that it doesn't turn out like your situation as he gets older.
There is such a thing as
There is such a thing as alienation against a SP... and if BM and her family had their way - all of their comments and antics and bullsh*t would have worked against me.
They would say horrible things about me to SD, and horrible things about DH to SD, but not as bad. One aunt refused to call me by my name to SD. She called me a name that sounded similar, and when corrected laughed and said, "I don't have to call her by her name. She's nothing."... That same aunt also told SD that I am "nothing to her (meaning SD)" . And those are the things that SD told me! So who knows how much worse it was...
They thought that if they disrespected me, she would too. And it didn't work. Sucks for them!
The opposite of that was when BM was dating someone. The guy was so nice. DH and I actually thought he was a mini-version of DH and were surprised that BM liked him as much as she did, since the guy was so much like DH. SD hated him. Thought he was trying to hard to be her "parent". Although BM had him picking SD up from school, etc etc. In any event, DH told SD that he really liked X and that she should try to give him a chance because he was a good guy. I love DH for doing that. Complete opposite of BM and her family of idiots.
Most of the women on here suffer from the bio parent trying to alienate their children from the stepparents. It's very real.
Thanks so much. I hope your
Thanks so much. I hope your stories turn out better than mine. SS and I were very close at one point and when he first started to turn against me it was like a knife in the heart. Sadly, I am so used to it now-it doesnt hurt as much as it just annoys and frustrates me.
It's not a stepparent/parent
It's not a stepparent/parent issue. Anyone can be alienated from anyone.
stepparent alienation is so
stepparent alienation is so common, but not discussed enough!
i beleive the real victims in blended families are the stepparents. the children are most likly compensated in some way, but are the stepparents? NO! they are the ones having to rearrange their lives for children who hate them and disrespect them...and the stepparents get NO restitution.
I am so glad others get this.
I am so glad others get this. It is a horrible thing. My ss did love me and we were very close-bm systematically did whatever she could to destroy that relationship. Now, ss wants nothing to do with me. Is that beneficial in any way to anyone except perhaps for bm? SS lost out on a loving close relationship with an adult that he will have close contact with for many years (not to mention I lost out too). My dh has lost out big time because his son wants nothing to do with his wife or his step/half siblings. I know that is also a terrible position to be in. It IS a lot of drama-generated by a bm. She has caused some irreprable damage to my entire family.