Stay vs Go...
Yesterday, while getting ready for church... my dh decided to make ss breakfast. He also made himself breakfast and sat down with ss8 to have breakfast and never even asked me. I was pissed. I step outside to chill out and get my wits about me and dh comes out and ask me whats wrong. I explain that I am pissy with him for not taking into consideration that I was there. He then gets defensive as if I had no right to be upset!!! So, i go off into the sunrise and enjoy my day. When I return he doesnt say a word , nor does ss and I am in another part of the house for about 1.5 hrs before I finally address the lack of "I'm sorry"!!! it turns into a battle and it is brought up that I am only having problems when ss is around! YES!!!!!!! Because on the weeks we don't have him you offer me breakfast! I am included in your day to day!
Now I know that I made this choice to marry a man with a child. I had never dated a man with one until my dh. I also know that men and women are different. BUT, on the weeks it is just us, we make positive steps to work on our relationship and on the weeks we have ss I am so far out of the loop! If ss were "our" son we would be told things like "he came into your world not the other way around", "don't forget to spend time together" . What happens when you did come into to his and your comfort is put on the back burner to theirs? My husband is a good man to me and a good father I just don't think he knows how to be both simultaneously! And how may years do we have to address the same issue?
I am a woman! I am sensitive! I am the outsider! When is that taken into consideration? And why is it not when ss is around? I don't function under the "suck it up" mentality! 
Check out number 4 and number
Check out number 4 and number 8:
http://webspace.webring.com/people/jh/histigerlily/makeevil.html
Thank you for this link. I'm
Thank you for this link. I'm struggling to keep my relationship going with my girlfriend. Though I have yet to see my BS (as MB is a control freak) all the legal issues over child support and visitation are putting a strain on our relationship. I trying not to let these things come in between us, yet I keep failing. So info like this helps so much. Thank you.
Well, this is probably 20% of
Well, this is probably 20% of the reason I just got out of my relationship...
People don't change, and questions a parent's parenting skills is a guaranteed fight waiting to happen..
We had out SD5 every other week. So every other week I was on the back burner until about 10:00 P.M. every night. By that time of course there wasn't any time for in between the sheets time for us. Then I was expected to wake up every morning and make breakfast and lunch for the SD5... Often times take her to school too.
She (fiancee) misses me a lot, says she's in counseling to fix herself and wants me to stick around so that when she's done fixing and finding herself she can come find me again.. I told her we'd see, and we'd go much slower this time.. But it's a long ass road, and there's quite an age difference between us.
Choose what's best for you.. I think on RARE occasions people do actually change, but it's very few and far between. You gotta do you, I have the mentality of making people happy to be happy. It sucks.. I was very close to consistent happiness until I met this woman.. She wrecked my self image, made me jealous, had me on the back burner constantly, let her ex husband control her emotions.. She says she's fixing all of these things so I can be back in her life and so that she can actually make me happy, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Please just get out if it sucks, through thick and thin means f*** all if you're not happy.
My two cents.
-Dustin
Ripley, as per your great
Ripley, as per your great advice, I started to research conflict resolution. Thank you. Can you recommend any other help for someone that has just discovered that he is "that guy"?
The Triangle, Ripley has it
The Triangle, Ripley has it all sorted out - she is giving you very good advice there. Your husband I'm sure doesn't get it. He is just trying to show his child he still loves him, and therefore falls all over him whenever he gets the chance. He unwittingly I suspect is living in the moment and not thinking of the bigger picture......His child is now part of your life too, and you need to be included, his child needs to see you being included not excluded. If dad treats you this way, his child will grow to treat you as if you do not exist and problems far bigger than dad not making breakfast for you are going to raise their ugly heads. Just read some of the stories from those of us with older stepkids.
My guess is your husband has no idea what the consequences of his actions are going to be. So, it is going to be up to you to gently guide him if that is what you wish to do, and I think Ripley has written a very good instruction book for you, her comments are excellent.
Children learn what they live, and as ss8 is living with dad excluding you, he will learn to exclude you too. But he is only 8, and you and your husband have a good chance of working this out, but it can only be done together, if your husband does not support and include you it will get worse. I know it's not fair but because as women we really are smarter than men
it is going to be up to you to start building the foundations of this blended family the right way - because as a man he is never going to get it 
Which brings me back to Ripley I think her response to your problem is excellent please read through it again and see what you think. Look after yourself, and remember you kill more flies with honey ss is only 8, there is a good chance you guys can make it because at that age children are quite adaptable, he if the adults around him allow it and set a good example will easily blend into your family without feeling he is betraying his mum. All the very best of luck.