SS12 called me the "c" word
What a flippng rocky year - I think DH and I have been ready to call it quits a dozen times. We have to get a quiet divorce to protect my assets from BM/DH's foreclosure and BM continues to control DH through the skids. Most recently BM and I got into it again and sine she tells/shows the skids what I have said, but never how she started it - they flipped out. Actually, they flip out over just about everything - if DH and I go out of town, if DH helps his brother (who they don't like because BM doesn't like him), if DH doesn't leave me, if DH doesn't pay for something they want and on and on. I have NEVER said anything about BM to the skids. DH and I have a solid "no BM talk" policy when they are over here, but I have HAD it with her calling, yelling, emails, and manipulation. Although the skids have always liked me alot, now they hate me because BM does. SS12 recently called me the "C" word to his dad and continuously tells him to divorce me. BM just told DH that if he doesn't divorce me, he can't see the kids. This has been going on for at least a year and I have NEVER gotten an apology from anyone. They just come over here to my nice big, beautiful house, use the hot tub, watch movies, use the XBox I put in their room, smile in my face, and go home to bash me to BM and DH again. DH just keeps saying he doesn't have control over them and that he is doing his best in a hard situation. What would you do? I am done taking all this abuse and being expected to just take it without complaint, have the skids over in MY house (including BM's retarded nephew - STILL!).
I wouldn't allow them in MY
I wouldn't allow them in MY home. Period.
this. absolutely 100%.
this. absolutely 100%.
I wouldn't allow them in MY
I wouldn't allow them in MY home. Period.
Skid calls me the C word?
Skid calls me the C word? Gone. DH can see him somewhere else, because he's no longer coming to my house. Done.
I think I would just see DH
I think I would just see DH somewhere else too. Who lets their kid do that to someone???
Good point.
Good point.
Have to agree with everyone
Have to agree with everyone suggesting that you: 1) take their privileges away and 2) don't allow them over to your house anymore. Regardless of what they THINK, they are still KIDS. And no kid should be allowed to disrespect you in your own home. Your DH should stand behind you on this one. And WTF - they tell your DH to divorce you??? Um, who died and made THEM king/queen of the world? And if BM holds the kids back unless DH divorce you, take it to court. She'd be laughed out of court. As long as your DH is paying his CS, she can't threaten anything. If MY skids called ME the C-word in MY own house, they'd get a good smack in the face and no jury would be able to convict me! You need to tell your DH to "man up" and not be taken advantage of by his own kids. None of that "split home guilt trip" which is just BS. Good luck!
BTW Where did this 12-yr-old learn of the C-word anyway? I'm sure we all need just one guess!
Kid should be punished for
Kid should be punished for swearing at you.
Grow up and stop texting/emailing shit to BM. It will NEVER go well for you.
Oh hell no - I put up with an
Oh hell no - I put up with an INSANE amount of shit from BM over the past year. I won't even get into all of it, but at this point, if she wants to start insulting me, she is going to get right back. She does this to maintain what she feels is control over DH and I. She can say whatever she wants and we have to take it or she has the skids calling us 30 times in a row. Not walking on eggshells for her anymore.
SS12 DOES talk to his BM like
SS12 DOES talk to his BM like this - frequently. When I first met DH, SS12 (then 10) had INSANE tantrums over EVERYTHING. He would scream obscenities, threaten to call CPS, say just horrible things to DH. I watched SS12 for a while and noticed that he ONLY did this around his parents and a few select family friends who had been around most of his life. BM has him on really significant meds that seem to change every other month, but he is still the same. However, if he knows how to act in public and only does this where he feels comfortable, in my opinion, there isnt anything wrong with him - he is just a spoiled rotten brat with parents who can't control him. I told DH to hang up everytime SS12 got like this on the phone and drive him home whenever he did it in person - wouldn't you know he stopped most of his nonsense after two weeks of this? He still does the same shit to his BM anmd SD17, and whenever BM gets him all worked up - hence the frequent outbursts about me. Of course he doesn't say it to my face - then he wouldn't be able to use all the fun stuff at my house and ask me to buy things/take him places.
You can make it all skids and
You can make it all skids and BM that you want. Its your DH who you should be most angry at here. Who lets their kid use the C word much less call someone they are supposed to be in love with that word???
You are letting yourself be mistreated. What would I do? All those people would be out of my house. If its DH's originally, then I would move. There is no way in hell I'd ever put up with that nonsense.
"DH just keeps saying he doesn't have control over them and that he is doing his best in a hard situation."
So DH what you are saying is that, as a parent, you have no control over how your own kids behave and how they treat me? No Dh you have control, but you have decided to do nothing. To be passive and allow people to treat you and me badly and I"m not going to take it. I have control over how people treat me, especially you and YOU aren't going to do this to me anymore. Get your stuff and find somewhere else to live.
THAT'S what I would do, since you're asking.
I have to disagree with all the punishing and taking things away. If DH isn't even keeping his kids from badmouthing you, he isn't going to follow through on a punishment. Just make them all leave and never come back.
I thought you were divorcing
I thought you were divorcing this guy? He sounds like bad news. Honestly, after all you've been through with him, I'd tell him that if he doesn't agree to marriage counseling and family counseling for all of you, he's gone. And let him see you packing his $hit up so he'll know you're dead serious.
I am divorcing him - already
I am divorcing him - already filed and served him. All I have to do is file the final paperwork and wait six months. I just keep getting sucked back in for some freaking reason and things just get worse and worse. DH and I had it out last night and I took my daughter to the park this morning to think things through. I came home and I could tell he expected me to forgive him again, but I didn't. I told him I still feel the same way, I am not going through life dealing with his psycho ex, brats, and putting a mentally disturbed 14 year old around my 3 year old so BM has more slut time to herself. He packed up his clothes and made a big crying scene and then left. Good Riddance! He kept saying it didn't have to be this way, but it does. We are already getting divorced, why should I keep setting the bar and what I want from life lower and lower to accomodate his bullshit? Anyways, he is gone - now I just have to stay strong to keep him gone.
Best of luck in that. Your
Best of luck in that. Your life will become great and much happier without DH and his poorly parented kids. Time for him and BM to reap what they sowed. And I feel for those kids in a way, because they will learn the hard way that the real world doesn't tolerate their bad behavior. You deserve a great guy WITHOUT kids who will take great care of you and who will be great with DD.
If I'd used that word about
If I'd used that word about ANYONE at ANY age in front of my parents, I would have been slapped so hard it made my head spin.
What the hell kind of father let's his 12 year old son use that kind of language at all, much less about his wife?
Run AWAY as fast as you possibly can. Your husband has no self respect as a father and obviously has no respect for you either.
Thats what I told him today -
Thats what I told him today - he told me that "SS12 calls me horrible things too - he is messed up, sorry". He is messed up because you and BM LET him act like an idiot. He does not have Tourrettes. He acts perfectly fine in front of strangers and in public. He KNOWS and CAN behave, he chooses not too, because he can get away with it and he has learned to emotionally manipulate DH from BM.
I have no idea - DH tells me
I have no idea - DH tells me everythng on a daily basis about whatever crap the skids have going on, and believe me - its a daily basis. I think that he thought I'd feel sorry for SS12 because BM has "put him through so much". Ummm, no, I've been above and beyond nice to his kids, to the point that they would ask to come visit me for the weekend when DH wasn't available and his whole family said I was the best thing that ever happened to him. This all changed once BM started her nonsense because we filed to change the CS to something reasonable.
The nephew isn't actually retarded - he was born on an apartment floor with no known father by BM's drug addicted sister. He is a MESS. No social skills, does not wash himself, clean up after himself, and there is just something so off about him that I do not like him around my 3 year old. I told DH today that I don't care if he is a kid - he is not my problem - my DD is and he will NEVER be around again.
Block this guy's phone and
Block this guy's phone and email. And while you're at it, block BM's too.
Block her phone and email.
Block her phone and email. Block her at any social sites you have such as Facebook and any Instant Mail programs she has used. Zero contact with her from now on. If she calls on the house phone and you answer you don't say another word and hand it to husband and if hes not at home you hang up. You never initiate any contact with her. Do not engage her in WWIII - you may win some skirmishes but she will win some also and there will never be a winner - only two losers wasting their time.
Tell Dad he has two options: One as suggested take away all privledged physical items he has not personally purchased (or BM) or two tell him the kids are not welcome in your home anymore - day trips or hotels as someone suggested.
Meanwhile you've lasted this long consider a legal seperation and live apart until the kids are out of high school. He can get a cheap apartment - say two bedroom and the kids will use one. He can go there on their weekend.
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/separation/f/legal_separatio.htm
RedSonya, so sorry to hear
RedSonya, so sorry to hear this is continuing to happen.
I think you have done the right thing is getting DH to leave, you would think he would have learnt his lesson given he is losing you with the divorce proceedings.
Sounds to me like you have put up with TOO much.
If my skid decided to call me names like that behind my back, I dont care what my partner said and how he didnt want to me to confront said skid. I would ignore and tell that skid exactly what I thought, while I showed them the door. No way in hell should anyone have to put up with skid who have helped ruin a marriage, given you abuse and caused problems in your home.
Dont like me? Then get lost and dont come to my home. IF you treat me with respect ALL the time, then by all means you are welcome. Just being related by blood doesnt given you automatic rights to act in this manner and have access to your parental home, regardless how young/old they are!
My parents divorced when I was 16 due to my dad having an affair with my SM. Have I ever been nasty to my SM, been disrespectful to her? No, she was invited to my wedding and when I have seen her (no very often granted) I have been polite. Yes, even at 16. It was my dad I had a problem with for cheating of my mother and then blaming me for telling her when I found out!