Skids who hang around adult gatherings ...
So over the holiday weekend, we had some friends over that we have not seen for a very long time. Adults, all of them. None of their kids came along. As the Skids are staying here for the summer, they were both here. SD14 and SS12.
Now normally, we do not see either one of these kids. They have been holed up in their rooms since school, either sleeping, texting, or video-game playing. But, let DH and I have friends over ONE TIME, and those two would NOT go away! They sat on the perimeter of us, wherever we were and just listened in. Sometimes even participated!
I was so annoyed! I am sure our friends were too (Maybe a little less than I was, as they have Bio kids, maybe they understand this) as who wants smart ass kids joining in adult conversations all night long. DH told them to leave once, and not very forcefully. I bet he thought it was "cute!"
I never said anything to DH about it, but it really sort of put a damper on the night for me. Earlier at dinner, I couldn't participate in half of the conversations because SD kept telling me stories I have already heard. :sick:
Just wanted to complain to SOMEONE!
I didn't say anything
I didn't say anything because, maybe it WASN"T bothering anyone but me. So if I had started in on the Skids to go away, guess who would have looked like the Wicked StepMother of the East? :?
Having been in this situation
Having been in this situation - with my kids AND others' - I don't see what's wrong with adolescents participating in an event at their (Dad's) home. When I hosted this sort of thing, I made sure that my kids had "jobs" to do .. Make sure coolers were filled with ice/drinks, asked if anyone needed a refill, helped prep/serve food, etc. And, in return, they did get to socialize with our guests.
Maybe I was lucky - my friends thought enough of me - and my kids - to engage them in meaningful conversation.
Another option would have been for you and/or Dad to either invite some kids their ages, find them a place to stay overnight, or plan your event for a w/e when they were not present.
If you were having adult
If you were having adult discussions, I understand what you are saying. You don't want to have to watch your words or make sure you don't say anything a skid could misunderstand and run back to BM reporting. I have a nosey ass SS9 who loves to quietly listen in on discussions DH and I have and then interject him opinions and even argue that WE are wrong about something when he has no idea what we are talking about. GAH. Anyway, he's 9 so that's different - a little.
Since your skids are a little older, I do believe some other options could have been given to them in lieu of totally being removed. Surely you thought they'd stay holed up as they had been before but when they came out, it would've been ideal to appoint them something particular. No other kids their ages around so don't know what they would've wanted out there other than to feel included somehow so maybe next time, if they are there, you can ask your friends to bring their kids too.
When they have friends over,
When they have friends over, hover. Insert yourself into their conversation. When they go into their rooms to get away from you, follow them. Use your best "cool" lingo. Tell the dumbest jokes you can think of & be sure to laugh at every one of them. (If you're the only one laughing, you're doing it right.)
When they get embarrassed & pissed about it, remind them of when your friends were over. Let them know that you don't appreciate sharing friends any more than they do.
Adults need adult time. Teenagers are nosy. They need to be taught to mind their own business.
Talk to your DH, & let him know that if it happens again & he doesn't take care of it, you will...& then DO it.
Lmao, stormabruin! My
Lmao, stormabruin! My friends daughters stepfather does that. Drives her crazy
damn right they're nosy! sd20
damn right they're nosy! sd20 was the nosiest teenager i have ever to date seen in my entire life! hanging around when i was on the phone to hear my side of the conversation, leaning up between fdh and i from the backseat in the car if we dared to talk to one another, ripping her earphones out to demand to know what fdh said and why i was laughing, i even caught her going thru on old cell phone of mine that i didn't use anymore trying to find text messages! (i had already cleared the phone of everything, much to her dismay). i found that completely ignoring her and not answering her questions about what was said and why i was laughing, etc worked best. she eventually realized no one was going to answer her and pouted her way back to where she belonged! so f'g annoying!
The car thing gets on my
The car thing gets on my nerves too!
If DH and I are talking to each other in the car, we obviously do not talk as loud as we do if we are talking to the kids in the back seat. SS spends entire car rides, "What? Huh? What did you say?"
I just want to scream. "NO ONE IS SPEAKING TO YOU!!!!!!"
I always hold my tongue as DH just answers his questions everytime. SMH
I cannot stand having kids
I cannot stand having kids around when the adults are speaking. And with this new fangled let the kids interrupt everything because the world revolves around them thinking.....personally, you get what you deserve.
Stand up for yourself and tell them to scat. There is nothing wrong with telling kids and skid to go find something else to do that this is ADULT conversation and ADULT time.
DHs kid used to try and pipe into our adult conversations. I would look at her and day your 11 (or 12, 13, etc), I don't want to hear your opinion on X. DH would say "My kid is smart and has a lot of smart things to offer."
DH, that may be true but these are ADULT conversations and she has absolutely not comprehension of the subject matter.
Kids and skids don't need to be a part of every damn thing in our lives. If you don't want them around your adult time, then you're going to have to nut up and tell them.
LOL Stormabruin! The one
LOL Stormabruin!
The one couple was supposed to bring their daughter for SD to hang with ... and SS was supposed to make plans with friends but didn't bother to do it. Thus, two kids who normally can't be bothered to be around adults sat there all night.
I normally don't tell the skids what to do very much. That is DH's job. This was just a situation where I think he should have gracefully taken them inside and told them to occupy themselves and he didn't do it. I wasn't going to make a spectacle of things by doing it myself.
DH and I have been having a LOT of conversation around his parenting of his kids this summer with them here all of the time. Normally, they are only here on the weekends, so he does his "I only get to see them a few nights a week, so I am going to be the FUN parent." That doesn't fly with me. They are here all the time, eating, making messes, etc. I expect them to contribute to the household. It has been getting better. SLOWLY!
yup i am with you here. i
yup i am with you here. i dont mind if my bios or SD hangs out for a brief time frame but when they linger to long its time for me to say alright kiddo's its adult time go find something to do.
I don't think it's so odd.
I don't think it's so odd. With nosy teenagers, it isn't about who they like & who they don't. It's the need to be on the up & up with EVERYthing ANYone is talking about.