Sick of having lying skids in my house
I hate lies more than almost anything. And every week we get to host these lying children in our house. Just a few weeks ago we sat them down and told them that we Do Not Care what BM does in her messed up personal life so please don't come in lying for her. We even went so far as to say we "hope she does get married and is happy" (pretty laughable how we kept a straight face with that BS, in fact I hope she gets raped anally and thrown in a ditch).
However 3 weeks later they come in "covering" for her again and we didn't ask about it! If she wants to go see her troll boyfriend instead of taking the kids on vacation yet again, why is it such a secret? Who gives a crap!
It's more that they really think we buy it. And all the loyalty to a woman that continually gives them the shaft. They are 13 and 16, they should know better. They either choose not to see or are just as bad as her. A narcissistic manipulator. I am beginning to think there is absolutely no hope with these 2. Anyway, I am done trying.
^this. They are probably very
^this. They are probably very embarrassed so they lie.
I know catlettuce. I am just
I know catlettuce. I am just simply exhausted from all the years of taking the high road. This woman tries to ruin our lives daily, talks crap about us, and plays the victim through it all. And the kids just rave about how great she is! We try, we really do, we never break promises and always include them. And because we don't follow BM's agenda (usually more money and doing all her "kid running"), DH is a Dead Beat Dad.
The thing is they don't act like our house is a "haven". One of the skids always says he wants to be home with his "Mommy" (gross because he is almost 17).
I'm at a loss, I love these kids but I am scared they are gonna end up just like her.
I'm sure we would be in the
I'm sure we would be in the same position if BM wasn't money hungry and didn't want to give up her "poor single Mom" routine. She just uses them when she needs to.
I agree about dropping 17 year old back off. I am going to talk to DH about that.
I didn't bring it up. They
I didn't bring it up. They walked in the door and said it. I never pump them for information, they just lie in conversation.
Because they talk a lot and
Because they talk a lot and always end up telling on themselves.
Thank you Cat. Your story is
Thank you Cat. Your story is very similar to ours and that at least makes me feel better.
You need an about face in
You need an about face in your attitude. Your being insulted because the kids say something so unbelievable and expect you to believe it thereby insulting your intelligence.
You know you're smart and good looking. If a mentally retarded person saw you and blurted out "She's ugly" you would mentally wave it away and probably have forgotten it the next day. Because you know you're not ugly.
Now you need to do the same thing with these kids. Ignore it when it happens and erase it from your memory bank. Although not mental these kids have a difficult world to live in and they're coping as best they can as others have said above. Let Daddy and the kids work it out. With one mental wipe of your forehead you can erase all these kids past and present lies. They cannot insult you if you don't get insulted.
Remember they don't run home or to school and say "Guess what 'Somuchdrama' believed my lies today when I told her...". Nobody else hears about it so nobody will be thinking you bought the story. Hell the kids don't even believe you believe, they just want to cover up. Let them.
I agree with tog in one
I agree with tog in one sense, ie that their bioparent should be pulling them in private, away from you so you don't have to listen to the crap. The reason I say that is this. My skids were forced to lie very badly about various little plots of BM over little and large things, the large ones being with the proven purpose of trying to get a particular fund of money over and above the CSA. The OSD and YSS joined in vigorously but the MSD tried to keep her distance. What do we have with OSD and YSS now they are young adults? Fraudsters. They have both committed minor offenses of dishonesty and the YSS has imo developed a complete Walter Mitty personality, so corrupted was he by the lying. This was a boy who was really bright, enthusiastic and achieving yet he has wrecked his educational career thus far and looks set to spoil his work career too. Despite DH intensively trying to assist him to manage thousands worth of debt in the spring of this year I have just now opened another bank letter to him dealing with a fresh debt that he has created since and now left to default whilst he tricks himself that all is well.
So having seen where this lying leads, I as a parent wouldn't care about the BM aspect of it -- of course they will protect their mom and of course in a way it matters not as everyone knows what everyone knows; but DH as a father should be giving them a strong reality check and trying to reset their moral compass so that the lying does not bleed over into the rest of their lives where it will impact them severely. Of course you are not needing to be involved in that but I would in your shoes warn DH just the once and urge him to make moves for their own good. If he refuses well so be it, it becomes his problem and his alone. But you watch out for the signs as these dishonest skids tend to continue dishonest and it will continue to hurt you in new ways unless you cover your back.