I have been in a similiar relationship and still do love him and wish that we could have a life together. It was indeed a struggle for me to leave him. I read a book though, that made our relationship make so much sense to me. The book is called," Dance of Anger". This book is insightful and made me gain a greater sense of whom I was, not who I was becoming with him. This book will help you to truely decide what is best for you and YOUR overall HAPPINESS.

Wow. Your post makes you a candidate for this book recommendation if I ever saw one!

http://www.steptalk.org/node/33054

I have been in my relationship for the same amount of time you have (5 years) and feeling the same way for the past several months, only I've been married the last 2 of those years and we have a BS1, so I would say that my situation might be a little more "complicated" than yours - at least legally. As a matter of fact, your comment "It is a state of constant confusion...happy for 6 months, depressed for 1, happy for 8 months, depressed again wondering if I should leave or not" makes me think you might find that your relationship is "Too Good to Leave" rather than "Too Bad to Stay" in based on this book. Why do I say that? Well, it sounds like your are "happy" in this relationship MOST of the time and it is really the opposite for me, so there might be way for you to actually save this relationship with your "best friend" and the time you've invested in it!

If you have been in this relationship for 5 years then you already know what it's going to be like for the remainder of this relationship. Like sueu2 says marriage won't make any difference. It will be exactly the same, or maybe worst. You will have to deal with BM for as long as you are in this relationship no matter what. Now saying that, the BF should be dealing with BM and you should stay out of it no matter what decisions they come to. The kid is theirs let them decide what is best for her. If you leave and are not part of this family(guess what?) that is what they will do any way. You have to learn what or where to put your emotions into and what not to. Your place in this family will be the STEP MOTHER don't pretend it is anything other then that. You will always be the STEP MOTHER no matter what. You will need to hang in the background and support your FDH on every decision that HE makes concerning his daughter. Have nothing to do with BM at all. NO Communication, NO NOTHING. NO Hi, NO Bye. Just support your FDH and his decisions(don't get involved)and give the kid all the love you can. This family will be all about the kid not YOU. You have already been in this kids life for 5 years and if you leave, it will definitely have and affect on her. Now if you stay in this relationship you have a chance to make a positive effect on her. Rememeber it's all about the kid not YOU. You as an adult can handle all the ups and downs, but the kid?? You have been there for 5 years, so nothing should surprise you now(not even the BM). I have been doing this for 7 years and that is what I have learned. Thanks to this web-site my situation is alittle more managable now.

Sueu2, please read it again. I don't think I said "she is to do as she is told and do nothing/say nothing" If that is the way you interpet things, then you misunderstood me. LOL