Separate Birthday parties/ Our own kids... ADVICE?
So, 8/24 is our final court date for full custody... 8/30 is my ss 8th bday... I am leaning towards not even having bm at our party. DH's father will be in town the weekend of the 27th (right between court and bday) and bm is horrible. DH and I have agreed tha it would be okay but I am wondering if it is wrong. I truly believe that if "WE" are going to have a family then "WE" need to do things as a family. I get it probably sucks for bm but I am not convinced that it is a free pass to be an awful person.
Also, I have always been on the fence about having children because of my own upbringing. I love other peoples kids though 
I am definitely not getting any younger and I feel as though it is time to choose one way or the other. I can't imagine not having a child with DH. He is just as happy to do so. So I decided that I want us to have a child! Now understand (again) I had reservations because of me and it took quite a bit to get to this point in my life. I am a little nervous that BM is going to just try to pull some crap that will make this stressful. DH stands firm in the "screw her it is our life" stance. I am just wondering if it maybe easier said than done?
Any input on either scenerio?
Thank you!
Thank you!
SS's birthday is at the end
SS's birthday is at the end of the month and we aren't doing a joint party, I don't think either BM or us would want to do a joint party. There is no need for you to invite BM, she can have her own party or just do cake and gifts on another day, its not your responsibility to include her.
With my XH, we did the joint
With my XH, we did the joint 1st birthday party. More like I did everything, paid for everything and he and his family were invited because it was DD's 1st birthday. Thereafter, we did separate birthday celebrations. Nothing wrong with that.
Nope no reason to have joint
Nope no reason to have joint ANYTHING! They lost that right when they got divorced. You are a family and she is her family. We tried one time and it ended in disaster!
Purple, your sig line is
Purple,
your sig line is PRICELESS.
My aunt sent that to me the
My aunt sent that to me the other day. I loved it so much LOL
I have been divorced for 12
I have been divorced for 12 years my kids are DD21,DD19 and DS16 we never did joint anything at all.
For me the very definition of divorce
di·vorce (d-vôrs, -vrs)
1. The legal dissolution of a marriage.
2. A complete or radical severance of closely connected things
says it all things are seperate now and for a very good reason most of the time. It would be nice to get along but if we got along so well most of us would still be married LOL
In 16 years of stepparenting
In 16 years of stepparenting we have never had exes at a birthday party. Each BP does their own celebration when they have skid.
We always has separate
We always has separate birthday parties.
If your husband and his ex
If your husband and his ex got along, and you were treated well in the midst of that, I'd say fine, be that big person and invite her. In my first marriage we were civil enough to even have BM's extended family there. But that is rare. And it was not a perfect arrangement.
BUT, since there is a rift, and she is not good to be around, FAGGEDABOUDIT.
Psycho now, psycho for the duration. Learn it, live it, love it. Because when you marry into the psycho ex as baggage, you will be dealing with it every time she wants to act out. The psychos don't shrink from pulling the kids into the middle for their own purposes. Just my experience - your mileage may vary. Do not expect her to EVER do anything to make things easier for you and your baby when you have one. Make sure you get your own support system in place for contingencies. Understand that you are opening yourself up in the face of a psycho ex and care for yourself. It CAN work with your husband's backing. But brace yourself because there will likely be issues and comparisons.