The ridiculous crap I put up with!
I just need to vent.. I am near the end of my rope.. I am finding it extremely and increasingly difficult to deal with my DH’s issues.. He is downright lazy, doesn’t work 40 hours a week (& it’s a crappy job at that), refuses to look for a better job, refuses to go to school so that he CAN get a better job (even though I have offered to pay for it AND watch SD while he’s in class- all he had to do was show up and he couldn’t even do that!), refuses to parent his little bratty kid, refuses to tell his stupid mother and sister to mind their own business, refuses to find his HORRIBLE yorkies a new home even though they pee and poop all over my basement and have ATTACKED me, refuses to be a man and pay his share and his kid’s share of the household bills.. Constantly asks me for money like I’m a freakin ATM..
Sorry.. Just needed to get that out! I have an apartment picked out that I want to go look at. I think it is near that time. DH and I have been together 3 years but only married 9 months and I already feel like I can’t take much more. I get no respect, no appreciation, I don’t even feel loved- because when you love someone, you want them to be happy, right? & DH clearly does not care one bit about my happiness. He refuses to do anything to make our life better. I can’t even have a child of my own because HIS kid takes up our only other bedroom yet he pays no bills. Freakin ridiculous crap that I put up with and I am sick of it!!
Why'd you marry him? I doubt
Why'd you marry him? I doubt this just sprouted out of nowhere. I don't understand why we choose to ignore the signs that are always right in front of our faces. Your situation sounds horrible. Sorry.
I would check with a lawyer
I would check with a lawyer about getting an annulment due to fraud. You thought you were marrying a MAN.
Why'd I marry him? That’s a
Why'd I marry him? That’s a very good question and one I wish I had an answer for because I ask myself the same thing all the time! I mean obviously I love him or I wouldn’t be putting up with all this crap.. I don’t have a history of putting up with bs from people by any means.. I really don’t know how I got myself into such a mess :/
I know it sounds crazy and I hate when other people say things like this, but I think maybe I thought he would man up after we got married.. But he’s a manchild at heart and I don’t think there’s any chance of that happening.
I'd go check out that
I'd go check out that apartment sooner than later and leave. Dead weight is not necessary. You will not change this man. Don't try and convince yourself of that either.
Leave! Just do it - if you
Leave! Just do it - if you have the financial means - do it by New Years. Start the year off right without him. It's hard, I know, even though reading someone's situation like this or like mine, it seems so obvious, but there are feelings involved and you constantly tell yourself that things will improve. They won't. I finally had to realize that I am not married to a man in any sense of the word. He is totally okay with living off me, spending any money he does get on his kids and child support, and then drinking himself to oblivion so that he is constantly living on the edge financially. Then when I confront him about this, he feels sorry for HIMSELF.
Add to his drinking and financial problems, his bratty kids who he refuses to parent and his insane ex wife who is constantly in our lives, and there is no way to get back to the "zen" place I was at before I met him, even with a husband who had just passed away and a new baby. I was MUCH happier.
It's been hard to tell myself that its over, because I keep thinking of the good times - times that I paid for of course, and not remembering the insane drinking that was usually involved. I also keep hoping that DH, myself and DD4 can keep on as a family. But I know that isn't going to happen. He has a totally messed up 13 year old who has been allowed to drop out of school on "home schooling" and taught my 4 year old daughter the word "blow job" last weekend. A 15 year old who is BM's nephew and that he calls "his son" who I am scared to have DD4 around - that kid is DISTURBED. And an 18 year old SD who flat out uses me and her dad for money and things, then sits on her butt playing video games when she isn't at class and cries that she doesn't have money to fly home for Xmas. They are all three mentally disturbed and turning out just like BM.
Think about all the things that you want for YOURSELF. I want to pay off my debt, run a 5k, get healthy, lose a couple pounds, and teach DD4 to read in 2013. That won't happen with DH's bullshit and drama in my life so I am out of here! Make yourself a similar list of things you want that won't happen with your DH around and do them.
Redsonya, I keep doing the
Redsonya,
I keep doing the same thing!! I get myself all pumped up and ready to leave, and then I start thinking about all the good times we've had (like you, times that I paid for- in 3 years, I can count the number of times he has taken me out on one hand) and all the memories and how I would hate to have to start over with someone else..
I am 26 and have no kids of my own yet.. But I do want them badly.. I have this fear (rational or not) that if I leave my DH, I might not get another chance to have children :/ Hope I am just being ridiculous.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I am glad you got out of that mess! Making a list is a great idea!
You certainly don't want to
You certainly don't want to have children with this man, do you?
Girl! You are 26! I married
Girl! You are 26! I married my first DH when I was 26 and didn't have a baby until I was 34. I am 38 now and who knows, if I meet someone in the next two or three years, I may have another one. Of COURSE you are going to meet someone and have a child of your own. Don't waste your time on this guy. I promise you that you'll be looking back on this in five years with the family that you wanted and thanking your lucky stars that you left because you wouldn't have the amazing person that you will end up with - staying with your current DH won't allow you to meet that right person.
I know that when I start feeling dependant and sad about my situation, when I really look at it closely, its because I am not feeling 100% happy about myself. Looks don't really matter, but feeling really healthy and good and doing nice things for yourself do matter and help you with your confidence in moving on. Do some small things - set a goal for yourself and stick to it. I did the same thing when my first DH passed away - made a list of what I wanted out of life and did it. At the time it was travel. Right now, I want to make myself a musculer, hot little 40 year old (I've got two years!), run a marathon by 40 (I'll do a 5k this year), and really feel like I went into that decade at my best.
You are doing the right
You are doing the right thing. Nobody deserves to be used...especially from the one who is supposed to be their protector.
Thank you all. That is
Thank you all. That is exactly what I feel like, like I am being used. It's a horrible feeling.
God yes - get out! You're
God yes - get out! You're still SO young. I had to start over at age 38 and guess what? I found the man of my dreams! Yes, he has a brat of a daughter and we've been through some shit with her over the past 2 yrs, but he's putting our marriage first and we will celebrate 6 mos married tomorrow
Please understand that you deserve 100% happiness. Life's too short to be miserable and it certainly sounds like you are. He won't change. Find YOURSELF and then someone who is worthy of your love will come along. That's how it worked for me. I left my ex, started working on finding the real ME and then DH came along.
It can happen for you too. Just gotta take those first steps and be true to YOURSELF. You are the most important thing to you. Love your life.
He marries because he thinks
He marries because he thinks she won't change and of course she does.
She marries because she thinks he will change and of course he doesn't.
Your purpose in life here is to provide money, a roof, food and open legs. I hope you eliminate one immediately and the rest ASAP.
DO NOT get pregnant for Gods sake. I'm astounded at how many women think their man will grow up with the addition of a child.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your responses. I truly am not happy in my marriage and it is affecting other aspects of my life too, like at work I am constantly thinking about how I can get DH to do something or how the rent is going to be paid. I am ok financially- not loaded by any means, but I do make a good salary (I’m a CPA)- but that doesn’t mean I want to support a manchild and his spawn. He needs to pay his share and his kid’s share and I have even told him no one else will allow him to live like this so I don’t know what he’s going to do when/if I leave. He will probably go live with his mommy. Honestly I am just disgusted with him. As a man, how can you allow your marriage to just fall apart while you do NOTHING to help the situation? How can you sleep at night knowing your bills are not paid and that you have done NOTHING to try to find work? How can you be so dependent on a woman? I just don’t get it.. Guess I never will.. Thank you all for letting me vent!!