Question about communication with BM
BM is a controlling you know what and we try and keep communication between her to a minium. On the other hand BM LOVES finding excuses to drag SO to court so we need to be careful what we keep from her. So below are my questions
1. If Step kids got in a fight with each other which resulted in someone getting hurt(not seriously like DR visit but maybe ice pack) would you explain or tell BM what happened?
2. If Step kid had a huge meltdown temper tantrum that resulted in hiting/screaming/breaking things at our house would you share that with BM?
3. If Step kid's teacher emailed SO about a problem step kids was having. Nothing major maybe like talking in class or not listenng would you make sure BM got the same email and knew about the issue at school?
Yes to #3. No to #1 unless
Yes to #3. No to #1 unless he's going back to BM's with a huge bruise/black eye and you need to explain it to her. No to #2 unless it's becoming a pattern and you need to make plans for therapy, etc.
If BM were a normal, amicable co-parent, then yes to all 3. But in your case, why give her ammo about what goes on at your home?
Agree with this, with a
Agree with this, with a caveat. If the skids will go tell BM and then BM think/say you are "hiding things" from her, then you may as well tell her.
I thought about that - but it
I thought about that - but it's not BM's business if the kids get in a fight at the OP's house. Telling her about it makes it her business. If the kids tell her, then DH can say, "yep, it was no big deal, I handled it."
You have to be careful not to give BM's power plays too much weight.
I'd say keep writing
I'd say keep anything occurring at your house to yourself unless it's serious enough for a hospital visit but include BM in anything school related.
If she's difficult it's easy to blame anything that happens at your house on you, avoid that drama.
Agree
BM "drills" SS every time he returns to her house. Did your dad help you with your homework, Did he make sure you brushed your teeth, did he pack you a lunch ect. Luckily SS does not tell BM about his "meltdowns". Its because SS believes NOTHING he does is wrong but works for us as BM would jump all over that one. I'm just more concerned what the court would say if SO did not tell BM something.
Parenting plan
What’s in their parenting plan? In my opinion, BM could only go to court to challenge things in the parenting plan. Do they have joint decision-making over education? If so, then I would make sure she was copied on school emails. Otherwise, it’s none of her business what goes on in your house. During the time SS is at your house, your SO is the parent and BM has no say, unless the parenting plan stipulates that they must make some decisions together.
1. Yes - because one of the
1. Yes - because one of the kids might tell.
2. No
3. Absolutely yes.
It's none of BM's business
It's none of BM's business about what goes on in your house. When I first got married to my DH BM tried all sorts of things to stay in the loop of what goes on in our house. One time the skids got into a fight and it was around midnight so OSS calls BM and then BM calls my DH. It seems that BM was trying to use PAS on my DH of course and make it so that the skids always went to her when they have problems even when it was on DH's visitation. DH told BM that she was not to call our house at midnight unless it was really an emergency and hung up the phone. The next day he talked to the skids and told them that if they have any problems while they are staying at our house that they need to come to him or me. BM still tries to insert herself and make her presence known whenever she can but we just ignore the psycho most of the time. So my advice to you OP is for you and your DH to ignore the psycho except for school related things. Something minor like a temp tantrum or fighting can be handled by your DH. I don't really think that BM is going to give you a play by play of what happens when the skids or with her so why should your DH have to do that?
Our lawyer suggested using an
Our lawyer suggested using an app to track communication in instances like this so its documented (esp for a court happy BM, which, BTW-- they loooove to pull that card... but few can actually afford to drag you in and out to the degree they threaten).
At any rate, I'd probably give a high level readers digest version of situations 1-2 and definitely #3. School stuff should go to both parents.
No to #1 and #2 but yes to #3
No to #1 and #2 but yes to #3. School issues should probably be shared and that is definitely something she could bring up in court.
The school should already be
The school should already be in contact with BM. IF not, make it happen by telling the school to make sure SHE is always in the loop. Use to be that cp was required to notify ncp of all things related to school matters. Not so much anymore since email, text, are mostly used. To answer your question...nope.
kids fighting...nope unless medical treatment was needed.
Lets say BM uses anyone of these against you in court...just said I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.
It depends. Who is the CP?
It depends. Who is the CP? Though that does not neccessarily matter.
As for the school issue, the school should notify both parents.
I also believe that it is the parents responsibility to keep up with the performance of their child(ren) in school.
Generally my opinion is that what goes on in the home of one parent is up to that parent to deal with. School is one exception to that.