The Porky Plot thickens
Forums:
Not a whole lot of new information here, but I just officially confirmed that DW learned about Porky's discharge from the Army some time ago, and lied to me about just discovering this herself last Sunday. She fucking knew this was going to happen, and waited to tell me until just a few days before Porky and Taco arrive. She knew this wouldn't give me enough time to get my ducks in a row....more proof of how sneaky and deceitful DW can be when she wants to be....ugh.......
I would be furious beyond the
I would be furious beyond the fury of a 1,000 burning suns. This takes the deceit so far beyond what it was. Before it was a thoughtless, self absorbed partner. Now this is sheer manipulation and conspiring.
That would about be a deal breaker for me.
Oh my...how did you find that
Oh my...how did you find that out? If you don't plan to divorce then you need to take control some way.
How long have you been married? I know you don't want to pay alimony but it may be worth it in this case. Your life is about to change BIG TIME!
That's messed up.
That's messed up.
You offered Porky and Taco an
You offered Porky and Taco an apartment and DW shot it down, right? Well, perhaps it's time to get a small apartment for yourself then. Tell DW you are moving out until Porky and Taco find a home of their own. At least you will have some peace, privacy and a lot less chaos.
Paul, what would happen if
Paul, what would happen if you refused to let Porky and Taco move in? Would life be any worse than living with them and no end in sight?
I'm asking because I don't see DW leaving you over it. So what if she doesn't like it? Why should you always be the one to compromise?
Seriously, I think that you will not be able to grt them out if they move in. That's some major deceit and I suspect that's not all of it.
I'm betting Porky is already
I'm betting Porky is already pregnant. Clearly DW has known about this for awhile and is adamant about letting them stay and I'm imaging a grandchild is part of the reason.
When they arrive why don't
When they arrive why don't you directly offer to sett them up in apartment for six months and then after that cut apron strings? Get a contract make it legal and have it in that they can't move in with you after the six months.
If it was me personally I would get a shark of a lawyer and divorce her
They are moving against you and very soon you will be out of the house
I agree with this. Find a
I agree with this. Find a great lawyer.
DW would never agree to
DW would never agree to that.....
You keep saying that but why
You keep saying that but why can't you say instead that you would never agree to letting them move in? Why does you DW have so much power in this relationship? Ask yourself that.
Change the locks and tell DW
Change the locks and tell DW that if Porky or Taco ever darken the threshold of your home that she will be moving into a very used and very small travel trailer with her spawn and the Taco far away from you.
No quarter, no discussion, end of story, stick to your guns.
DW will call the cops on me
DW will call the cops on me if I try that....not sure what they could actually do but it could get ugly.....
Unfortunately, I was mistaken
Unfortunately, I was mistaken about the house being in my name. The **loan** was in my name, but I looked at the deed we got when it was paid off, and both my name and DW's name appear. So I can't even try to act unilaterally on the house.
Hi Anotherstep, I thought it
Hi Anotherstep,
I thought it was kind of universal, if you own 50% of a property and need to get your assets out, the other person must agree to sell. I just went through this with my ExH... can that be different in Utah?
You can tell DW if the kids
You can tell DW if the kids cross your threshold YOU will call the cops and have the locks changed. You cannot throw DW out, without a good reason; others you can yell "Trespass" and make it stick. Once you've let them in, it's a very long process thru the courts to evict.
I called my DH on his games with SD and he didn't believe me. I called the cops, had him booted to SD's house, got a court ordered PO, a property possession court order, and had the locks rekeyed the next morning. The orders could not be lifted until I requested the Judge to do so; thru my Attorney. When it was all over, I made a believer out of my DH. SD is not longer engaging with me and leaves me alone. I had no idea calling DH's bluff would make such a difference. These actions were NOT planned and I never threatened anyone; I just had enough and went into action. I should have done this years ago, instead of tolerating the bad treatment from my SD and DH.
It built up over the years and the final blow was an email, which I never responded, from SD; I took it to the Court and received the orders. Document your events and use the documentation wisely; don't play games or ever lie.
You CAN take a stand and set boundaries for everyone, including yourself; this is what we have done and we are doing much, much better. When you take a stand, realize it will cause even more turmoil, until your DW realizes you mean business; our marriage and relationship has changed forever; but it's actually good, because there are no misunderstandings where everyone stands and who holds the cards; I will deal them again and they know it.
If you let yourself be treated badly, it only gets worse. We've been married 36 years and I let the bad treatment continue for 30+.
Good Luck.
I appreciate all of the
I appreciate all of the advice and comments. I am truly terrified about the prospect of Porky already being pregnant, and getting dug into this house with no exit plan.
And separate from Porky, I also have to worry about SS25, aka "Tubby." I know it's mean, but he is 5'10" and weighs over 300 pounds, so I think it fits. At any rate, Tubby currently lives with his grandparents, but they are in poor health, and once they die, he's going to need a place to live. This is the kid who was so lazy that he wouldn't stay on hold on on the phone long enough to get his Obamacare, so he now has to pay the fine.
I think DW's master plan is to get both of her worthless slob adult children back under this roof. I might kill myself if that happens. I am just so upset right now, and still struggling to get my head wrapped around all of this shit....
Actually, we don't have a
Actually, we don't have a will. If I don't end up leaving W over this (I refuse to call her "D"W since she is anything but "darling" right now), I am going to have a trust drawn up to control how my life insurance and other personal assets are distributed. I can't block the wife from inheriting the house, but I can put my retirement, life insurance, 401K, and inherited money into a trust. I'll probably structure it so that she gets a fixed amount of money each year. Sure, she'll probably spend it on her kids, but that's better than her getting a lump sum that she can use to buy her kids' affections. Heck, I might even leave most of my assets to a charity. I'm still thinking about it....
If I were you, I'd leave and
If I were you, I'd leave and take the huge financial hit. My SIL has TWO failure to launch kids living with her and her boyfriend, and yes, one weighs over 300 lbs. They are both in school (part time) and work (very part time), and it is still a living breathing nightmare, and these are HER kids. IDK if she will ever be able to sandblast them out. Get out before Porky gets there. It won't be worth it to stay. My SIL has chronic health problems directly due to stress. She's been a failure as a mother but I still feel for her. Run Paul- RUN. P.S.- Where's the Walking Anus in all of this?
But you expected this to be
But you expected this to be the case. I guess you're posting about it so you can enjoy playing the victim role?
The truth is, you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you. And that person is YOU.
You're absolutely right about
You're absolutely right about that. The Army is moving their shit here this weekend, and then Porky and Taco are going to visit her grandmother in a neighboring state for a couple of weeks. I'll have to stare at their shit, but at least they won't be here.
Paul, I'm so sorry you are
Paul, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You seem like a very nice person that is getting MAJORLY taken advantage of.
And you are allowing it.
I'm not trying to beat someone who is down, but you CAN stop this. You CAN prevent PorkyTacos from moving into YOUR home, but you are caving to your wife's demands.
I'll bet she would be stunned if you actually STUCK TO YOUR GUNS and said NO NO NO.
What can she do if you say no and stick to it???
Why are you so afraid to do this???
Paul, regarding the alimony
Paul, regarding the alimony and splitting of assets. I get it, I totally get it. So start planning.
1. Make the assets go away (cash is king)
2. establish residence which is usually only 6 months in a more friendly state (don't know where you are but PA, texas, etc are reasonable or have no alimony)
3. Do not let the marriage be even longer term- the above will only get worse.
If you can't keep them out,
If you can't keep them out, can't afford alimony blah blah, why not just get yourself a small apartment? No divorce, just the ability to come and go as you please. Your wife can come visit, you can go visit her.
Try it for x months. See how it goes. You just might surprise yourself as to how happy you could be without all the baggage your present house holds and is about to accumulate even more.
Life's too short to be miserable in your own home. To be surrounded by people who disrespect and use you. You can participate in your present house as much or as little as you please. Who knows, maybe your wife will actually come to miss you and appreciate you instead of taking advantage and thinking she an just take for granted she can downplay your role in the marriage.
Good luck to you Paul. You
Good luck to you Paul.
You don't really want advice, you just want to vent. And that's okay, this is the place to do it.
Just don't be surprised when most of the people on here don't give you much support. You can only be a doormat if you lie down and let people walk all over you.
You are definitely lying there just waiting for W and her family to walk over you.
you are all being too hard on
you are all being too hard on Paul. If he is in a lifetime alimony state, he IS screwed. No one believes it unless they are in the situation. If he is a high earner and his wife is a low earner, he can expect to pay 1/3 of his salary minus her salary as alimony until the day he dies. He said he make 125, she makes 25, so he is looking at about 40 grand a year or more in alimony. Plus she will get the house and most, if not all of their assets.
He will not be able to retire. Ever.
His best bet is to make a plan, start stashing cash away and change his residence to a more friendly state (maybe use the job travel as cover) and plan his escape.
He is really in a bad spot that will get worse as the years go on.
Hey, Paul, taking this idea
Hey, Paul, taking this idea one step further, can you make it so nobody would WANT to live there?
Stop paying for food, cable TV, internet...
Can you invite a buddy to move in before they have a chance to? Preferably an obnooxious one?
In either case, you could stop giving W any money at all. Separate your bank accounts.
The wife can't force you to give her money if they're you're divorced. Maybe you can get her to want to move out somehow.... just thinking aloud... maybe it will spark some ideas.
These UTAH laws suck, btw!