Please tell me it gets better as the kids get older???
I'm at my wit's end with SS11 . SS11 is SO needy and wants constant attention when he comes over. We have him 50% of the time so it's not like he only sees his father on the weekends . As soon as we pick him up one of the first words out of his mouth is "so what are we going to do". But he never wants to leave the house to do anything. The only way we can get him to go any place is to promise to buy him something. $20 each time adds up. Most kids love fishing, hiking, biking, but not this kid. The rare occasion we are able to drag him out he complains The whole time and keeps asking how much longer before we can go home. So when we have him we are VERY limited in what we can do. As you can imagine summer really sucks! He likes staying in my parents log cabin or different hotels but as far as "day trips" forget and paying for a hotel is expensive. PLEASE PLEASE tell me typically what age kids turn the corner and prefer friends to parents? Age kids start hanging out in thier room wanting to play video games or Skype friends away from adults?? Age kids start reaching out to friends on thier own without parents guidance to hang out? I remember I did that don't kids do that anymore??? Please throw me a bone as I'm losing my mind..
Why is the entire family
Why is the entire family catering to the wants of an 11yr old? The child will continue to do so until you don't let him.
Exactly this. You don't give
Exactly this. You don't give a child a choice in what they want to do. Do not rationalize with a child and don't let them get away with crap.
I plan some things out - and
I plan some things out - and I force my kids to find their own things to do, because if I find them something to do, it will be hosuework that I can get off my own plate.
I used to make mine read for an 30-60m before I`d agree to take them to a park, used to buy craft supplies for a rainy day... and would put up their pictures on a specific art wall, which would be rotated out regularly... we used to take a picture of the art that was going bye bye, so they`d have a memory of it in a picture book.
At 11 it's still touchy in terms of whether they can just go out and be with friends... in our neighborhood, the closest friend is a 10 minute bike ride away...
AND - I'd also be blunt with SS when he whines about going home... 'SS, just because you're ready to leave doesn't mean WE are ready to leave. You seem ungrateful that we've included you in our outing - next time, you will stay home and be bored if you can't make yourself enjoy this outing.'
I feel like the answer really
I feel like the answer really depends on the kid. My bios are always off with friends. They do, at times, play video games or are on their phone relaxing but it is not constant. Skids on the other hand rarely do much. They are content to sit in their room and wallow an entire day away, yet get angry when bios are out.
I no longer plan fun days for skids. It is always met with discontent. If we do anything SO is there so he can wrangle their attitudes.
BUT, I would not let a kid stop me from doing fun things, forcing me to sit around.
Unplug the technology! I call this 'smoking skids out'. They are forced to find SOMETHING to do that doesn't require their faces up against a screen. After a while you just might see a change
Yes SS is a spolied brat and
Yes SS is a spolied brat and his father is to blame! If it was up to me I would hire a babysitter and leave the little brat home but oh no daddy dearest can't do that. I've told BD to stop giving SS money EVERY TIME we go somewhere but he won't listen. I've told BD if SS is a miserable brat when we are out and we have to come home early DON'T play with him let him let him be bored. BD then gives me the guilt trip that he won't see SS for a few days so wants to play with him or does not want SS to go back to evil BM and tell her he had a bad time with us. BD is the problem and there are days I want to smack him on the head and say WAKE UP. This being said I don't ever see BD changing his parenting way. My only hope is the little shit will connect with some friends at some point and no longer want to hang out with "daddy" then I will be free.
Poor parenting and enabling
Poor parenting and enabling means that your SO is turning his own kid into a monster. And sorry, but it won't get better. These lazy, spoilt, socially deficient skids get worse with age. Then they fail to launch because their parents haven't prepared them for independence or taught them to cope with real world expectations.
I think I'd start detaching from such an unpleasant skid - just like so many friends, girlfriends, and employers will in his future. Find hobbies and activities to keep you busy, and let daddeee and skid spend time together. Too often, we SMs unknowingly act as a buffer between father and child, so make sure your SO gets plenty of uninterrupted one on one with his annoying child. Schedule appointments, errands, fun stuff with friends during visitation. Be elsewhere, even in your home. If your SO questions this, tell him honestly that Skiddly has become so spoilt that you no longer enjoy being around him.
Be unavailable to participate in the b.s., separate funds/don't allow your funds to be diverted for his use, and start now to establish a strict policy that no other adults can live in your home. No boomerang or failure to launch kids, EVER.
Things will get worse, but if you step back and allow the father to fully experience the consequences of poor parenting, he may up his game. Regardless, you will have invested in your own happiness and will be in a better place to not allow skid issues to consume you.
I've already planning if Jr decides not to launch
I've told my SO when SS turns 18 I want to move south. My SO hates the cold so he agreed. The real reason I'm pushing for it is to get as far away from BM and SS as possible! BM's family is all up here so doubtful she will move and ill make sure I push for a boring country setting that would not interest SS or near and colleges just in case. If I can put at least 4 states between us and them ill be happy.
It gets worse every month and
It gets worse every month and year that goes by.
I was lucky and got to bring
I was lucky and got to bring mine up in a very quiet and safe area. They both had a lot of friends and were always out and about doing all kinds of activities, sports games and camp building. If the weather was not tipping it down with rain they were out. We were not expected to entertain them, they found their own. We did go to the beach and cinema etc with them but mostly they were busy with friends. But that was way back, and they were not skids going from one home to another and there was no mommy and daddy trying to jostle for 'most loved parent'
It just sounds like SS and his father have got into a pattern there, he expects to be treatef like an honoured guest on vacation all the time and his father is playing disney daddy.
This is one that your SO/DH has to sort out. Is it a problem for him too? Or is it just you that is (understandably) tired of it?
It gets worse with a kid like
It gets worse with a kid like that. But, in my case, it got worse then she stopped contact. It is hard for DH but even he has had to admit it's calmer. And YSD is freer to be herself.
It only gets worse
My stepkids have not improved with age or time. In fact they have gotten significantly worse as teenagers. I find them both extremely weird, socially awkward and especially at 16, SD should be making some sort of effort with her appearance. She has the haircut of a 6 year old. At her age I was wearing a bit of make up on weekends and had my hair highlighted and looking nice. It sounds awful but she reminds me of a giant disabled kid that has no clue about anything except she isn’t disabled (apparently).
I am looking forward to the look on SS17’s face when we tell him he is shipping out in a few months when he is 18. I’ll have the party snacks in for that one LOL.
Sd is 13 and dh is still
Sd is 13 and dh is still concerned her feelings will get hurt. He still wants sd to live in a land of butterflies and unicorns. His father was even worse. He would even ask sd where she wanted to go for lunch/ dinner every time we all went out to dinner. God forbid anyone thinks of what the OTHER kids might want to eat. Or the fact that sd will choose a steak house simply because one of my kids are vegetarian, because she can just have a salad.
Feeling Alone
My Skids are 27 amd 29. They are still playing games making life a living Hell...I have nobody to turn to, I have no family of my own and completly lost at the moment.