It's so true!!! I remember having great difficulty "finding my worth" in therapy and my therapist called me out on what is stopping me. She did some exercises with me and it turned out that I was afraid of being "arrogant." She said it was common for people to not give themselves permission to have confidence or self-worth lest they be arrogant, especially if we experienced narc abuse and didn't want to become anything like a narcissist. 

Also, when people don't have a sense of their self-worth or feel guilty for wanting their needs met, there's a reason for that. We've been conditioned/programmed/been smacked down by the adults we adore and trust the most, that we're worthless and don't have the right to have our needs met. We were raised by assholes, some very disordered people. We were gaslighted all of our lives whenever we expressed a concern or need. We were conditioned to question our sanity even. It's programming from day one of our lives. A lot of people don't understand that some of us just have different programming, so they question us on why we don't just leave or why we don't "just do..." It's not anywhere near as simple as that. Oh how some of us raised by crazy people wish it was, it just isn't. 

Thank you for posting, Rags. I appreciate that you had an epiphany. It shows that you try to understand. 

Oh, there's gaining the self esteem, but then what do you do with it? Part one is the self-worth, healing and what have you, but what about part two? I had all this new self esteem but now I need the know-how. Well, your comments and posts come from a place as what you just said, "over-condident assertive extrovert." I would read them and say to myself, "oh, I like that!" I have used many of them. I no longer look at the reason behind someone's behaviour. I just consider that they're doing it and I execute my tactic as required. I have been known in recent history to subject some of my less tolerable people in my life with "abject misery." LMFAOOO. Also, taught my DD23 some tactics. 

Rags, you and some of us on here who were raised by twats make a great team. You have taught some of us the know-how and we have vented our guts out about where we're coming from. I think it's complementary union. 

Thanks for your tips. You have been called out here in the past but that's only because of what the unknown author in your post points out. If you're not used to implementing tactics that result in "abject misery," to those who fuck us over, it feels "harsh." But it isn't. It's freaking liberating as hell! 

By the way, I'm super proud of my DD23. She's the one I implemented a teen version of the "Rags Burning Platform," Program. LOL She graduated with her BBA, with straight As and with zero student loan debt. She fended for herself in another province during uni and works more than full time. So, I can atest to the Rags' Burning Platform Program. You should create a sticky on it. LOL

Wow....very nice to read this so clearly laid out!

Great wisdom here @Rags! I don't suffer from low confidence or passivity...but slowly prioritizing myself was chipped away at by SKIDs needs, wants, everything. Ultimately I am accountable for letting that happen but having not been a parent before I had to regain myself as a priority- even our house was dominated by SKIDs everything- I didn't even have my things, furniture, etc out because their lives and lifestyles ruled. Once they became adults I began the process of building the space for the people who actually pay the mortgage - myself and DH and LOTs of blowback for that even with them not living there. I now prioritize me and I am less resentful but I still feel anger well up inside everyonce awhlie.