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oncechoosetosmile's picture

another night went by.Of course I didn't expect things to be better, but I feel somehow worse.I guess I should be proud that I function.Today could be a good day though- I am expecting the results of the interview today or tomorrow.I pray it will be today, that would truly make a difference.Catching up with a male friend for lunch - he is seriosuly crazy about me- not sure if this is a good or a bad thing.I do it anyway.Plus I see my accountant- hoping I will have a tax return and not owing money.Also I have a few calls to make to maybe organise more homestay after this one.I will try to do 30 minutes of Zumba this morning.Just took some of my herbs that the naturopath gave me.Sorry for those random sentences- this is how I actually think at the moment- lining up to do things while feeling dead and numb.Thanks for listening sisters.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Shock wears off, reality sets in. It is not surprising you feel a little worse today. However until the reality hits you cannot begin to move on, so in a way it's a good thing. A normal part of the grieving process I would think. Good luck with the job interview. Hope good news comes through today.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Shock wears off, reality sets in. It is not surprising you feel a little worse today. However until the reality hits you cannot begin to move on, so in a way it's a good thing. A normal part of the grieving process I would think. Good luck with the job interview. Hope good news comes through today.

luchay's picture

You are doing great honey, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, planning one day at a time, keeping busy.

Enjoy your lunch, flirt a little, smile and talk at the very least. Nothing has to come of it - he's just a friend who cares.

Good luck with the job, will keep my fingers crossed for you (sorry in advance for any typos, hard to type like this)

oncechoosetosmile's picture

That job I was applying for didn't work out and I broke down crying when I received their email.I was so convinced I had it! Then next I went to see my accountant and now I owe the ATO $3000!!!!!!!Big cry at the accountant who gave me tissues !!!
But them caught up with that guy who is admittingly quite into me for a long time. I actually didn't flirt, but he offered me a part time job in his office as an administration person!! Now, I made clear that there are no special conditions for me applying , but I think I will take the offer, yahooo

Meh's picture

Wow I'm glad things ended on a positive note for you today. The tax office thing sucks, but having someone offer you work out of the blue like that would be a huge pickmeup.

I still hope you do something to spoil yourself soon. Sounds like you need it and it'd do you good...(((Hugs!)))

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Thanks lovn and luchay.
I feel so alone now. I really miss ExSO so much even though it doesn't make sense.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Well done, congratulations. I am so pleased about the job, that's fantastic. The tax office, sucks.

It is absolutely understandable you would miss your ex, that makes perfect sense. You loved, well still love him. We can't turn off our feelings good or bad like a light switch. But, you don't miss the life he gave you, or the pain he caused.

It is always easier at times like this to remember the good times and to miss them, but in cases such as this, we cannot forget the bad and pretend to ourselves it wasn't that bad. It was.

It will take time. Every trauma does. You have lost a man you loved, you will survive, you will have a better life, just be gentle on yourself and a little patient.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

I am just sitting here like frozen with my cat in my kitchen.I feel to exhausted to even go to bed.