My DH loves the fact that he does not have to see his exes.

The exes used to call him to come to their house" for the children" . They would call him over for all sorts of things. He would never go over on his own tho.

So guess what? She CALLS him to come over. Then she tells you HE wanted to come over. ( just a hunch based on MY experience).

Remember: she is using you so in all likelyhood she is still using him until she is 100% sure you are fully enmeshed. Then she will still keep him around as plan B.

I'm confused. People here have been telling you for weeks now that she's still emotionally entangled with her ex. She's using you. She's cheating emotionally and maybe physically.

Her ex isn't going anywhere and she seems to be okay with that. YOU are the one who is unhappy and that's not a surprise.

How long are you going to tolerate her bad treatment of you??

Ok so we already know that gf is using you. Her behaviors are that of a person who only does things to get what she wants.

I have 2 skids from 2 diff BMs. My DH has always been the helpful kind and both BMs had used him horribly through their relationship with them(his lack of boundaries was encouraged by my MIL who is a Disney Grandparent). I started dating him 9mos after BM2 and him broke up. Bm2 did not drive. Only worked part time. Was dropping SS3 off with DMIL, her father and 5-6 days with my husband and picking SS up drunk and slurring. She constantly needed something from DH wether it was money to borrow, a ride or babysitting or DH to fix something in her rental. 

DH would be sick of the demands but oblige bc" its for my son". He didn't want to spend hours of his day giving his ex rides to the grocery store but it was " for his son". He wanted his son to have food to eat right?.

When DH moved in with me his car broke down shortly after. He was using my car to do various things( taking 3- 4 hours per day) for the BMs that is when we Didnt randomly have the kids.  ( see the paralell here? Your gf is putting you in my position in this story? She is using you to babysit and expects to use your time and resources while her ex just randonly pops up.)

The above scenario lasted 2 weeks. I put my foot down. No random drop offs. No rides unless he is transporting the skid. The landlord performs repairs on the rental. No contact unless skid related.  My DH was EXTATIC! He loved to be able to breathe and say no to BMs.  

Note here: The ex is probably getting called over because the kids need him( or some other excuse the bm knows will work to get him there). I believe he does not come on his own to chat. SHE tells you he showed up on his own so she can continue to use you both.  The only reasons he would be showing on his own are if she owes him money or giving him sex. 

You can see that neither her calling him or the reasons he would be visiting on his own are particularly pleasant for you.

One night after BM1 got engaged she called DH around 10 pm asking him to buy her booze( shes a big alcoholic...) because she " didn't want to leave Ss alone to go buy it" as her fiance was out of town . DH started putting his clothes on to go buy her booze bc it's for the good of the skid. Yah...right...buy me booze when Im already too drunk to drive bc it is for the good of your child! He never made it out the door that night. He never bought her booze again. I wonder what her now DH would say if he knew? 

Note: that is how strong enmeshment can be. Even after 9 years a gf and another kid being born he still jumped when she said" for your kid" and automatically did the command.

Your gf is seeking to enmesh you( read: make you automatically do her command). 

Look, you have reservations about this relationship, for several reasons (according to your past posts). It might be time to move on and find somebody more suited you you, your life, and your goals. Leave her and her ex to deal with each other.

This ^^^ was my response to your last post. I can copy and paste it as many times as you like. The gist of it is... this woman is not the one for you.

I'm sayin again...... GTFO

 If she ain't cheating on you phsyically she's cheating emotionally. Cmon man. What's so great about this chick that you knock yerself out to be her babysitter and oncall boyfriend?? Ain't no downstairs worth that man.

Maybe you should back up a little bit. You don't seem ready to leave her (I saw your other recent posts), but you aren't happy with what you're seeing. I wouldn't be either.

It would be crazy to move in there or marry her. It sounds as if you take her and you get her gaggle of kids and her ex in the deal. You're unhappy with their dynamic. But you don't leave. So at least give yourself a bigger view of the situation by backing off. Things might looker clearer to you from a distance.

By the way, backing off means no more free babysitting on your days off. See what happens when you reclaim your time. She might stick around long if you aren't so useful!

I had a similar situation with my ex. He came I to the house when my partner wasn't there, stood at the door when he was. It wasn't about me, it's just pretty hard to see another man playing happy families with your children. At the same time, if things are good enough to do so, you don't want your kids thinking mummy and daddy hate each other... So you try to stay friendly and civil. Over time things get easier, ex became ok with new relationship, he's in another relationship himself now and we try to include everyone for birthdays etc. It's not easy, I struggle to see my ex's gf playing mum to my daughter, my bfs ex struggles to see me with her's... When my other half had a problem with my ex, he was really honest and told him it made him insecure, angry... Didn't understand after everything that had happened etc. I would reassure him... I wasn't friendly for my ex, I just didn't want my daughter stuck in the middle of hostility and conflict. Ultimately for all the good history there may be between two people who have had a child, they have broken up and you are potentially the even better future. It must be very difficult for you and my comments were not well received last time but every situation is different and ultimately it's your choice. If you don't think you want to commit to what she's putting on the table, walk away now, because if you're having doubts already, chances are it won't work and that's not fair to anyone...

Just can’t live like that.  Very few can 

The current set up works great for both parents, their children and the grandfather.  That is fine.

Their set up doesn't work for you.  That is also fine.

Instead of pushing, begging and pleading m, just walk away.  The two of you are not married and you do not live together. Making a clean break should be easy.

As long as you continue to makevthe CHOICE to remain in this relationship you will be unhappy.