New SM
My Sd was left to live in another state with her grand mother while BM lived in another state with her new husband. My husband is overseas in the military. He did not consent to his daughter living with the grandmother but that is besides the point. My contact with the 13 yo SD was good (she has stayed with us twice and we had great times) until the BM moved back to where my SD was living. Since then she does not communicate with me and says horrible things about me to her father. It's very high school with her mother in the background egging it on. My husband only told her to stop when I called his attention to it being a problem for me. The BM through the SD has done well to create distance between me and the SD. Now the SD is on "good terms" with her dad without repairing the damage done to my relationship with the SD. I was the last one to communicate with the SD offering my support during a time of crisis the SD was going through. The SD does not reply to me. My husband asked if I can renegade his daughter again. I don't want to subject myself to this knowing the SD is being manipulated by her mother. I feel like my husband is stuck between me and his daughter. I feel like an outsider since my husband does not see things until I point them out, he does not defend me or protect me unless I say it's inappropriate. I have told him before I have been in bad relationships and will not subject myself to emotional abuse NO MATTER WHO IT'S COMING FROM. That is my right and I understand it makes things hard for my husband. Everything was fine until the BM was staying with the SD. There of course has been more detail but the extent of my relationship with the SD is accurate. I fear as time goes on this is only going to get worse. Anyone with a similar story or advice about re engaging the SD? I really don't want to and just like the last two times I am sure she will not reply. I cannot call the SD because the BM has harassed my number before resulting in me having to change my number. We can't give out our address to the BM either because she has stalked my husband in the past.
Thank you. Can you give an
Thank you. Can you give an example of making it about their actions? Would it be something like: your daughter's comments and lack of responding clearly indicate she chooses not to be interested in a relationship and I will not make any additional attempts to reach out.?
Maybe reach out to the
Maybe reach out to the grandmother. Tell her that since SD isn't too fond of you, you're not comfortable contacting her directly. Try to get the grandmother on your side (if she's not already). This way you have a clean conscience and can tell your husband, "Hey, I tried. I think forcing myself in SD's life any more than this will only backfire." Even though your husband is overseas, he still needs to support you. He needs to let SD know that her disrespect of you will not be tolerated. He has to push SD to view you through his eyes, not just BM's eyes.
MY DH has no relationship
MY DH has no relationship with his mother or father since he was a child. It is just he and I and the crazy stalker BM who is creating a situation where my DH will feel like he has to choose between me and his kids. At least that is how it feels anyway.
I appreciate the idea though. I find this forum pretty supportive and I think that is what helps me realize my conscience is clean. I have always treated his kids with love and care because they are a part of my DH. I think given the situation the only thing that could be better is knowing my DH supports and protects me from all this nonsense.
Amen sister Coconut! (I had a
Amen sister Coconut! (I had a 50/50 chance in guessing sister) The DH and I are headed for a lengthy discussion about all this. The way I see it he is either with me 100% or I take care of and protect myself which will be lonely as SA described in her post about RA. I will be praying about this! Thankfully I have the energy for this but I fear over time this will dwindle. Plus, I agree with previous replies that the conversations I have with my DH cannot be about this drama. We need to get on the same page and then carry on like it is normal and we are a team dealing with it together. I also think carrying on together in that way will communicate they do not have control over me. It will also show my DH and I are happy living our lives drama free. I know I am new to this so I appreciate the support no matter how naive I may sound as a rookie.