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My dd17 is going away for college in 2 weeks

Someoneelse's picture

Submitted by Someoneelse on Mon, 08/01/2022 - 5:16pm

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General Discussion

So DH is driving the van with items for her dorm(mini fridge, microwave, tv) and she's going to be driving with me in her car with smaller items (clothes, laundry basket, bedding, cups etc)

Well we're leaving dd18 at home because it would be too much emotion on the way up to the dorm and it will be  overwhelming for dd17. She going to say goodbye at the house.  

My problem is sd wants to insert herself into this and come say goodbye on that day too... i wouldn't have a problem with this EXCEPT, knowing sd, she's going to make this entirely about her.  She's going to be the LOUDEST cryer (even though she was fine not contacting anyone for 6 months at our house after her summer fiasco last year)  she's going to force dd17 to give HER the last hug goodbye, just to make sure that dd18 doesn't get it, she's going to make sure ALL attention is going to be on her with everyone trying to console her FAKE sadness... i imagine that she's going to somehow have a stomach ache that needs medical care all the while dd18 is ACTUALLY sad to see her sister leave while sd just wants another chance for her theatrics.

 

Nobody is going to feel comfortable expressing their emotions in front of sd because of all that... 

 

I'm just stressed and need to vent... but i don't know how to tell DH that i DON'T want sd here the day dd17 is leaving. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

Submitted by 2Tired4Drama on Mon, 08/01/2022 - 8:09pm

He should tell her it's a chaotic and stressful time and the focus needs to be getting your DD off to school.  He should further explain That is YOUR responsibility as her mother, and none of you have time to accommodate SD.  Tell her she can contact Dd after she is settled in and has had time to acclimate.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Tue, 08/02/2022 - 6:20am

Maybe this is petty, but I'd give DD18 money to take DD17 out to breakfast or brunch before you all leave. Tell SD she can show up 15 minutes before you all are about to leave (or 15 minutes before breakfast/brunch). That gives the DDs a great memory and bonding time and limits SD's interactions.

This is, of course, assuming your DH won't just flatly tell her NO. If SD wants to say goodbye, seems like she could do it the night before or something if you were to host a going away dinner and invite the rest of the family. Or, she could take DD out somewhere. Either way, your DH should handle it, and if he won't, do it yourself.

dragonfly878's picture

Submitted by dragonfly878 on Tue, 08/02/2022 - 6:39am

^ I agree with this. They can have a special goodbye meal together where SD doesn't have an audience and you and DH can get your moment with your DD.

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Tue, 08/02/2022 - 6:55am

Since telling your DH outright you don't want the SD there will cause more drama, this is the best plan. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 08/02/2022 - 2:26pm

Inform him that if SD is going to come say her goodbyes, she has to do it on a date you specify prior to the actual departure date of your DD-17.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Tue, 08/02/2022 - 2:30pm

Give SD the wrong time so she misses it. Half serious here.

Dang these skids can ruin any occassion. You know darn well SD will pull the theatrics. Id lessen the chance somehow.