So I was not included in any of the planning for FIL's surprise birthday party. DH was hardly included himself. DH's sister basically told DH the date and time and to bring the cake.

I asked about the dress attire and was told it was casual. Thank goodness I dressed up a little. When we got to the party DH's sister and both daughters wore dressy attire....so much for casual eh?

I said to DH that I bet your sister will invite your ex-wife. DH said no he didn't think so. Sure enough, YSD tells DH a few days before the party that BM and her SO were coming. Not only did DH's sister go ahead and invite his ex along with her SO, but she didn't even bother to let DH know in advance that she had done that. BM was also invited to the small family dinner we had at DH's sister's house after the party. It's a good thing I'm so forgiving, not to mention like and get along with BM, but I still am amazed at DH's sister's behavior....the situation was uncomfortable. Especially when DH's sister and daughter started drawing the names for the Xmas gift draw, even DH spoke up to question why it would be done in front of BM who clearly would not be attending that dinner. I actually wondered at that point if she would be at the Christmas dinner too!

DH's sister asked DH's daughter to put together a slide show of pictures. I figured there would be all pics of them including BM and none of me. I was right there too. Grrrr....! The only reason there were exactly two pictures of me was because DH insisted to his eldest daughter that she include ones we agreed on. We sent four pictures that I was in. She left the two best ones out (of course) so out of 70 pics in the "family" slide show I was in two...guess I should be grateful for that

DH and his sister took it upon themselves to invite my boss (DH has known my boss for years but still I didn't appreciate that) I have a great relationship with my boss and respect him greatly, my fear was DH's sister and his eldest daughter would go out of their way to humiliate me not only in front of everyone at the party, but my boss too

The party was uncomfortable....DH chatting with his daughters and ex-wife just made me feel not right - like they were all one big happy family and me the outsider, but truly it was BM I felt sorry for. When DH made a speech to FIL he called me up, wanted me to pose for pics, then called his daughters up. I felt BM must have felt uncomfortable there and I felt bad for her....also noticed she was dressed really casually, guess DH's sister had given BM the same 'instructions' as me!

And sadly at the small family dinner later when we were all sitting together little SGS who wouldn't share his snacks with anyone LOL, came up sweetly to me and only me and offered me some. Everyone in the room (before they could stop themselves that is) went "aaaawwwwwhhhhh" and of course, then SGS just played it up even more until I had to insist "thank you sweetheart I've had lots of your food you eat the rest honey" I was sitting right beside BM and SGS had walked right past her to share with me....again I just felt it must be uncomfortable and not sure why DH's sister insists on doing these things

And then at the end we all had to pose for a "Family Photo" with BM right in it of course

I asked DH last night if his sister and ex-wife were close when he and BM were married. DH said no, that his sister is jealous and that is why she does these things. I said you realize DH it's you she is jealous of, and DH agreed

In the end I handled it with class. It helps again that BM is great, I like her and ironically we picked the exact same card for FIL! I have no issues with BM and certainly was not upset that she was included in the family celebrations. It is just weird to me, and of course based on DH's sister and daughter's behaviour toward me over the years I feel like things are done to deliberately embarrass and hurt me. I forgive them and won't hold a grudge, nor seek revenge. But just needed to vent about the frustration about it all in order to move on!