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Missing my point; YET again!?!?!?

hbell0428's picture

I posted yesterday about my SD13 never doing any chores what so EVER! Laundry; picking up after herself - not even getting her own washcloth out of the shower just leaves then pile up and then when I ask her if they are hers....(I KNOW THEY R!) She will look right at me and then daddy and say Nope.

Anyway, I get home and DH says "I am giving the girls - SD13 & BD11 - each money to go to the dance on Friday.
I say, "SD didn't do anything around here and BD busted her ass; why are they getting the same."
He says: "SD did four loads of laundry this week!! I watched her.... Why do you hate her so much; why don't you just go head to head with her and tell her."

A said: "Why do you get so defensive when I say anything about her. I would say the same about my other kids if they did NOTHING around here!"

I simply walked away; seeing he missed my point and yet again turned it into a - I hate his daughter routine...... UGH - Sad :?

RaeRae's picture

I had one of those the other day.... Our kids school has a 'Christmas shop' where kids can buy really cheap gifts for family members. SD9 told DS8 she wanted a ring that was there. Once she found out the ring cost only $.25 she decided she didn't want it anymore, however DS8 had already bought it. When they got home and she saw he had purchased the ring as her gift, she whispered to him to take it back, she doesn't want it. I heard her make reference to the $.25.

I got a little pissed. I have always taught my kids that, even if you absolutely HATE a gift someone gives you, you still smile and thank them. They did something to try and make you happy.

So, in front of DH, I asked SD9 why she would tell him to return the gift my son got her. DH asked what the problem was about, so I told him the story. Then she said 'I never told him I wanted a ring!' She insisted. However, my son would not have bought a ring unless she asked him. He is more into finding games the kids can play together.

I told her that regardless of whether or not she asked him, when someone buys you something, you should say thank you. You don't tell them to take it back! What does DH say? "Well aren't you glad she knows better than to accept a ring from her stepbrother, that it is not an appropriate gift from a boy to a girl?"

WTF??????

I said, "That is not why she doesn't want it!!! She's not that bright!!! He's not asking her to marry him!! She want's something that cost more than a freakin quarter!"

He argued. I got up and left the table. Only THEN did he talk to her about how to accept a gift graciously. And my boy still wanted to get her something different, but I would not let him.

Why the hell do they get so defensive, when it is OBVIOUS what their kid is doing?? He thinks I pick on her too much. I think he babies her and he needs to let her grow up... act like a 9 year old instead of a 4 year old. She's his favorite, which would be fine if he didn't make it obvious to all the other kids.

dakotamom's picture

thankfully my Dh has never said "why do you hate him so much" some days i'm afraid that i would just go off and list all the reasons. some legitimately due to the kid and should know better, but a majority would just be a true blame that shoudl go to DH and POS BM for being shitty parents. parent your children as they should be parented, dont not do things because it'll make you the bad guy or make the kid mad....he stinks and should take a shower and wear clean clothes....this isnt a hard lesson to teach him!!!! you want clean clothes....put the basket dirty clothes belong in infront of the washer and dryer and you will have clean clothes. at 15 and 17 they should be able to handle this task.

i've had a super shitty day starting at 7am and i dont know what i'm going to do if i hear the skids will be over this weekend.

hbell0428's picture

You're child irks my nerves just as much as my children do.
PERFECTLY said!! Why is it okay for me to tell my kids these things or say this; but I wouldn't dare say it to princess! Yet, I am expected to do the same as I do for my BK's it is silly
RaeRae: that made me sad; I pictured my little man being so excited to give his sister a present and then being told she doesn't want it. Sad

I am so sick of being made to feel like I am picking on my SD or having to defend all my actions.....it played out

I wish I had just weekends - FT now!!

RaeRae's picture

Made me sad too. I'm going to have him re-wrap and put mine or one of his older sister's names on it.

DH rarely disciplines her. Always has an excuse for what she does. He has slowly gotten better, does not lay with her every night anymore... but I'm sick of the excuses. I want him to treat her like we treat the 7 other children in the house.

RaeRae's picture

Overall, DH is a great dad, and a great husband. He provides for me and my kids, and he does the same things for my kids as he does for his own. I have to encourage him to take his kids out and spend time with just his kids sometimes (my kids dad is across the country, so we have every other weekend with my 4, but since my kids do not go to visitation, he is never able to spend time 'alone' with his 4), and when he take them out to eat or something, he wants me to go out with mine, too, so things will be fair for everyone.

It's just the one child I have a problem with. And, it's not a problem with HER, it's a problem with how he allows her to act. He does not believe a child so 'young' can be manipulative. He thinks she is going to grow out of it in a year or 2, when she hits the tween years, or puberty. Not gonna happen.