May have dug myself into a hole here.. SD's dance classes
First off, please don’t say I’m stupid for this! I found a Groupon (hopefully you are all familiar with this) for 3 dance classes for $25 so I thought of SD5 and purchased it. She has been going for 2 weeks and loves it!
Problem is, she only has 1 class left. She wants to continue doing it, but DH doesn’t have the money to pay for it and neither does BM. That leaves me.
I really don’t feel like I should be paying for skid’s activities, but then I kind of brought it on myself by purchasing the Groupon. I truly was just trying to be nice and do something fun but where do I go from here?
I did dance growing up so it’s something SD and I can kind of bond over. I enjoy going and watching her classes, but it’s pretty pricy. I can afford it, but is this something I should be doing for a skid?
Totally your choice. You can
Totally your choice. You can let her know it was a three class series and her mom and dad will need to decide if they want her to try it again/ re-enroll. Or you can offer to provide her with the year's worth of tuition, costumes, shoes, etc. - assuming mom and dad are on board.
Thanks. BM isn't in the
Thanks. BM isn't in the picture much- she gets SD on weekends (when she feels like it anyway) so DH and I would be the ones taking her to and from class. DH is totally on board with her doing it; he just can't pay for it.
If you want to pay for it, I
If you want to pay for it, I say do it.
If you can't afford for it, or simply don't want to pay for it, explain to your SD that you can't afford to do it any more right now. That it was something for her to try for the three classes and now it's over.
If she really likes the classes, maybe you can shop around and find a cheaper alternative? Even if it isn't dance, maybe there's something else you could find for her to do that's cheaper? At her age it's good for her to try different things anyway.
Technically, I can afford it.
Technically, I can afford it. I am just not sure if I want to. I know that sounds really bad lol but DH and I are trying to conceive and we just moved into a new house and there are lots of other things I could spend that money on. I also worry about setting a precedent that I will pay for these things. I want my own kids, and althought I can afford SD's classes, I won't be able to afford to pay for 2 kids so I worry about what happens when I have my own kids. I can't pay for SD's classes & then cut her off when I have my own kids. So I wonder if maybe I should just not do it. Hope I don't sound too evil. I didn't really think this through when I bought the Groupon.
I understand your concerns.
I understand your concerns. You're under no obligation to do this for SD and it was a nice thing to do in the first place.
I will say you should think about SD's feelings. You've already in a position where you may have to cut her off, since you are considering stopping after the third week.
How would you feel if someone took you for dance classes and then after three weeks stopped? I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, mind you, just trying to help you understand how SD might feel.
SD is 5, so even if you got pregnant tomorrow and had a baby in nine months, it would be many years before your baby would be old enough to do dance in addition to SD. By the time baby is old enough to do dance, SD may not even want to do dance any more, she might be interested in something else. Again, I'm not trying to push you one way or the other, just giving you some thoughts to consider.
I understand about not wanting to set a precedent, so you have to think about this as well. Is your DH the kind that if you did this he would start to expect you to do things like this in the future?
For future reference, before you do something like this, set up the expectation that is a "one time only" type of thing, and that it is ONLY for three classes, blah blah blah. That way you aren't having to dig yourself out of a hole.
Sorry, I guess I asked more questions than answered, but really, you have to decide what you are most comfortable with.
I know, I feel really
I know, I feel really horrible, like the 3 weeks was just a tease. She really loves it and I don't want to be the one to take it away. I should have thought about all this before I bought the stupid Groupon! Ughh!!
I am not only worried about my future kid's classes/sports- it is more in general. Like when I have a baby, I am going to have a LOT of additional expenses and that WILL be my responsibility (formula, clothes, all the things that come with a baby).
I don't think DH would expect me to pay for things in the future, but it would definitely be expected that I continue paying for her dance classes I think- which is totally my fault.
I'm so mad at myself right now!
I didn't mean for my post to
I didn't mean for my post to make you feel bad, that was not my intention. Don't feel bad, you thought it would be fun, so you did it.
But I have to ask: why would all of the baby's expenses be solely yours to shoulder? Wouldn't your DH share those expenses with you?
DH will share the baby's
DH will share the baby's expenses with me, he just doesn't make a lot of money. He always makes sure SD has the necessities (as I'm sure he will with the future baby), but he doesn't have a lot of money for extras (like dance classes).
Uh! I understand now.
Uh! I understand now. thanks for explaining.
Don't feel like you have to.
Don't feel like you have to. Tell SD that you will keep a look out for other groupons for her.
* just an idea, have you looked at parks and rec in your area for dance? My best friend did that for her daughter and it was only $60 for 12 weeks. I was paying $40/month for DD and was I very jealous that she found parks and rec and I signed a contract with the studio!
I have not looked into that
I have not looked into that but I definitely will. Thank you!
If the only issue is money,
If the only issue is money, can you find something cheaper for her to do?
My girls do tennis lessons through the city. They offer them three times a year, six weeks long in each session. It $10 per child - yes, that's right - $10 for six weeks of lessons.
Is there something in the community you could find that would be more affordable? Even if it isn't dance, maybe there's something else she could try she might like. But again, I don't know if this is something you want to commit to for the future. Then you'd have to go back to the "this was just for three weeks" thing.
Wow, the tennis sounds
Wow, the tennis sounds great!
I will look around at other things. She played soccer the past 2 years but hated it.
The dance classes are $342 for 19 weeks, so it comes out to $18 per class (once a week).
It's just a lot. I feel bad because I wouldn't think twice about doing it for a bio, but I feel like it's DH and BM's responsibility to pay for SD's activities.
If I can find something less expensive, I probably wouldn't mind paying. I will look around.
I don't blame you for not
I don't blame you for not wanting to shell out the money, when really it's DH and BM's responsibility.
Google your city's recreation department. They usually offer several different sports, arts, sometimes music lessons all at decent prices. If you live in a metro area, you could also check out neighboring cities as well, to compare prices with. The tennis program I told you about is actually offered in the city next to mine, but all I have to do is drive over a bridge, so it's not that far. I have to pay $25 a child now because I don't live in that city any more, but it's still a good bargain.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Oh wow, okay thank you! I
Oh wow, okay thank you! I will check around!
That's a good point.
That's a good point. Currently, BM has SD on weekends. SD's dance classes are during the week when she is with DH, but once she starts doing recitals and whatnot, it is possible they would fall on BM's time and BM lives 2 hours away.
I'm not sure how the moms are
I'm not sure how the moms are yet. The 2 classes we went to, DH and I just sat and watched. We didn't really talk to any other parents.
SD is 5. I just feel bad because she really, really likes it and has been talking about it non-stop!
I wish I could go back in time and not get the Groupon. I really did not realize what I was doing! I should have considered what would happen if SD wanted to continue doing it!
I know it can get expensive. I did it for years growing up (of course, it was not as competitive then as it is now) and I know my parents paid a lot for it.
I wouldn't mind being the one responsible for it if it were my bio kid, but to put in all this time, money, etc. for a step? I am not sure that's smart.. especially when BM and DH cannot afford it, like you said.
That is so true. They do not
That is so true. They do not have to get everything they want. It's okay to say no. I need to remember this!
I feel like I kind of brought it on myself by getting her the 3 classes, but I had good intentions. I wanted her to try something new and thought it would be fun.
I do feel guilty for not letting her continue the classes, but I will work on that! Thank you!
That's true. It was "funny",
That's true. It was "funny", last week she was getting ready for her class & she asked me "are you coming with us?" Us meaning her and DH. She doesn't even realize I'm the reason she's going smh
Right now she's doing ballet
Right now she's doing ballet but the studio she goes to has a bunch of different options. I will have to check it out more and also look into different places.
I'm pretty much set on not paying for it anymore (at least not the expensive one). I do feel bad, I know I should not have got the Groupon, but I did have good intentions. I just don't feel like I should be spending that much money on someone else's child.
The things that the other
The things that the other people are talking about (recitals, multiple classes, shoes, costumes, etc) are all controllable expenses. If you limit her to one and can do it through the community like parks and rec or the YMCA the costumes are MUCH cheaper and the classes tend to be once a week with 2 recitals per year. This doesn't have to be a break the bank thing but can be a great thing that she gets to experience!