hbell, this is a real tough one. It sounds like your DH is a pretty good guy, aside from that appendage that needs to be amputated at some point (SD). I can fully understand that driving you away!

Is it just that you need a change or some space or something? It sounds like you're having one of those "Is this as good as it gets?" times.

Can you see yourself growing old with him? How do you see your life after kids and skids? Do you think if you left you would be happier, or does it worry you that it could be an irreversible mistake? Lasting relationships do get past the infatuation and into a more comfortable friendliness and partnership.

If you really don't love him, though, you may be wasting your life and his.

I'm sure you're thinking long and hard about this. It is a big decision, especially with kids involved.

I'm worried for you. I was in a similar place once, and only you can know how you really, really feel about it and sometimes we doubt ourselves on that!

Maybe take a break. Can you go on a vacation alone or visit friends or family and just get some distance for a little while?

I have felt this way and occasionally still do. I have the "is this as good as it gets" feeling constantly. I broke up with my BF 3 times in this past year and thought it was what I wanted but no I wanted to be with him. I know 3 times sounds crazy and why they heck would he put up with it I have no idea. His daughter is the wedge between us also. There must be something with these daughters. But he is caring and loves me for me and I love him and its not that he has changed it is me.

I understand your feelings about your SD. At one point, I wondered if being with my DH was worth it because she drives me absolutely crazy! When she's around, she doesn't want anyone... not me or her brothers to get near HER daddy. I had to realize though that she is like this because she has been going back and forth between mom and dad since she was 2... and her mom doesn't really want her anymore if you ask me. She got pregnant in order to marry my now DH and since the marriage didn't last, she acts like she doesn't even want her daughter anymore.

Also, her mom stays gone a lot and leaves SD with grandmom, friends, whomever. SD misses her mom and wants to spend time with her but since mom doesn't want to spend time with her, she becomes extra clingy to daddy when she comes to our house. It's not her fault that she's annoying. She's just been through a lot plus she has her mom's personality... a double-whammy.

I have decided though that it is not worth divorcing her dad. Even he thinks she is annoying and wants her to get away from him sometimes... but he never thinks of me that way. He's always asking me to come sit on the couch with him or run an errand with him or wanting to know when I'll be off work so that we can spend time together. Not so much with the annoying SD. And let's face it... kids grow up. SD will probably get more interested in friends and boys in a few years. Her teenage brothers we rarely see now because they are hanging out with their friends or playing sports or working all the time.

It will get better... it's not easy, don't get me wrong. But I love my DH very much and know we can get through these crazy kid times.

Ask yourself is your SD worth destroying family life for you and your kids you have with your husband?

In my book, 3 kids overwrite 1.

You should go to councelling with your husband. If he cant hear it from you, let some professional tell him a few things and something about priorities.

i agree about the counseling. (if you can find a decent one and can afford it) currently my SO and i are doing couple's therapy and actually getting it covered by our isnurance..... which is what makes it possible for us finanacially. there are some loop holes with insurance though, we have to say its "individual therapy with someone else in the room" its really strange, but hey! it gets insurance to pay and we get help! and since we've started therapy, i swear it makes a world fo a difference. my SO is actually logical to talk to ! haha. best of luck!

I was high school sweathearts with DH and we went our separate ways to find each other 20 years later with a lot of baggage!!

We are very happy after 10 years and we are almost to the point of the last child being 18. When the skids are here, we are miserable, when they leave flowers burst out of the ground, the sun shines and the birds sing.

Love is a feeling, but it is also an action. You do because you love. Just be glad you only have one little indian instead of 3!!

i have had this feeling before of not knowing if i love bd and i thought i meant it. not saying that u dont but how long have u felt this way? is it all of the time? i have had dealt with infidelity in my relationship and did not know how i would go on. people sayting how foolish i was for staying. i went through a depression and the years later a rage. i hated him even though he had done everything to show me that he was sorry. now i can sleep better and love better because i put it behind me. i dont know if i can use the term forgive but i will say i have put it behind me. so what i am trying to say is that even if there have been ups and downs if things are going well now try to maybe put the past behind u.

no man is perfect and if u have one that respects u then keep him. i live in a small state but i am pretty sure men are the same everywhere and there aren't too many good ones here.

you asked about feeling trapped or comfortable and i think that i have become comfortable with bd. we have lived together for 4 years and i think that being comfortable can be a good thing.

i have felt trapped as well at one point when i was not able to make it if i had left. i would have had to struggle and be very poor and thats when he took advantage of the situation^. but when he seen that if i was rubbed the wrong way i would take that road he changed quickly. i would have stayed in a shelter before i allowed him to treat me badly and he knew it.

i have at times felt trapped BUT what gets me through is THANK GOD my dh and i are strong and have a WONDERFUL relationship and marriage.

i dont' always agree with his agreements he makes with bm, but they are not mine to decide on, if they were A LOT would be different

You know, love comes and goes in ANY relationship. Even in intact first marriages. There are ups/downs...there is feelings of being totally in love, then felling blah, indiferent, trapped, or feeling you don't love them. Thats why there are several marked "itches" in any marriage.

That's when people take eachother for granted, get lonely, have affairs, get bored-you name it. IMO it doesn't mean the marriage is doomed.

And that's OK...there are times you won't like that person. I think that is normal in any long term marriage. What keeps you there is your comittment and vows to eachother...good times and bad.

I don't know-I'm starting to think even semi unhappy marriages would be better off for them and their children to stick it out honestly.

Not in cases where the hostility makes it impossible to stay-but just those that have grown apart or not "in love" anymore...the aftermath/bloodbath of divorce, the effect on you/your dh now ex, the kids, the skids and stepparents to be-really make me think this elusive "happiness" people go after time and time again is really stupid. That edge/glow/happiness/gidiness that you have when you first meet won't be there 5-10 years down the road-it's replaced w/a comfort/companionship .

Granted, I'm at a point and have lost enough time that I think I found someone that truly loves me, and I do him, and I'd like to make that last-i'm not naive to know we won't have ups and downs but he truly complements me-we are through and through very loyal companions, friends and lovers.